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chestnutcurls: (thoughtful)
One of my LJ friends has asked me to post these questions - they're part of personal research for something he's writing. Anyone is welcome to answer. You can answer anonymously if you want to. Please don't flame each other. I'm not going to get involved with the comments. :)

1. In your opinion, does the human race deserve to keep going?

2. If God were desperate to communicate any one message to us today, what would it be?

3. Is there a place for evil in the world? What is good's purpose in opposing it?
chestnutcurls: (thoughtful)
One of my LJ friends has asked me to post these questions - they're part of personal research for something he's writing. Anyone is welcome to answer. You can answer anonymously if you want to. Please don't flame each other. I'm not going to get involved with the comments. :)

1. In your opinion, does the human race deserve to keep going?

2. If God were desperate to communicate any one message to us today, what would it be?

3. Is there a place for evil in the world? What is good's purpose in opposing it?
chestnutcurls: (Belle)
Work has been insane this week. It's good to be busy, but sheesh. If I disappear from LJ for days in the near future, don't be concerned. I'm probably just whirling around in a tornado of folders, staples, and database reports.

A lot is on my mind lately. I want to talk about it but can't seem to find the right words. Mostly, I'm overwhelmed with disgust at the way I'm never totally content. God provides for all my needs. I have such a happy life, yet, like Ariel, I want mooooore. I feel dissatisfied with my work, my stuff, my attitude, my status in life. Then people help me out and I feel horribly guilty, because I don't deserve it. I can't believe how selfish and whiny I am sometimes. Evan is wonderful because he not only loves me in spite of all this, but he also shares in my occasional worthless feelings. He joked that they're the emotions of a good Presbyterian. I told him "good Presbyterian" was an oxymoron. :) I love that we talk about that kind of stuff. Anyway, some people don't love me in spite of my annoyingness, and that upsets me and leads to all sorts of other worthless feelings. Please, please don't comment to say that I'm not annoying, because that will only make me feel worse. I'm just sharing.

We got some wedding cake samples from the lady at the country club. One of them was out of this world. It's vanilla with strawberries, which is (similar to) what we requested. The decision on that one was unanimous. Evan wasn't as thrilled with his chocolate cake, but that's because it had a layer of lemon cake, and the combination tasted funny. I'll just ask her to leave the lemon out. Anyway, she said the design I wanted shouldn't be a problem. Yay!

I'm going to Nashville this weekend to see Debra, but I'm not leaving until tomorrow morning. Once I left right after work on Friday, by myself, and by the time I got there I was too exhausted to do anything. Lonely three-hour drives are better in the daytime. I need to load up on good tunes to keep myself occupied.

Survey from Jessica. )
chestnutcurls: (Belle)
Work has been insane this week. It's good to be busy, but sheesh. If I disappear from LJ for days in the near future, don't be concerned. I'm probably just whirling around in a tornado of folders, staples, and database reports.

A lot is on my mind lately. I want to talk about it but can't seem to find the right words. Mostly, I'm overwhelmed with disgust at the way I'm never totally content. God provides for all my needs. I have such a happy life, yet, like Ariel, I want mooooore. I feel dissatisfied with my work, my stuff, my attitude, my status in life. Then people help me out and I feel horribly guilty, because I don't deserve it. I can't believe how selfish and whiny I am sometimes. Evan is wonderful because he not only loves me in spite of all this, but he also shares in my occasional worthless feelings. He joked that they're the emotions of a good Presbyterian. I told him "good Presbyterian" was an oxymoron. :) I love that we talk about that kind of stuff. Anyway, some people don't love me in spite of my annoyingness, and that upsets me and leads to all sorts of other worthless feelings. Please, please don't comment to say that I'm not annoying, because that will only make me feel worse. I'm just sharing.

We got some wedding cake samples from the lady at the country club. One of them was out of this world. It's vanilla with strawberries, which is (similar to) what we requested. The decision on that one was unanimous. Evan wasn't as thrilled with his chocolate cake, but that's because it had a layer of lemon cake, and the combination tasted funny. I'll just ask her to leave the lemon out. Anyway, she said the design I wanted shouldn't be a problem. Yay!

I'm going to Nashville this weekend to see Debra, but I'm not leaving until tomorrow morning. Once I left right after work on Friday, by myself, and by the time I got there I was too exhausted to do anything. Lonely three-hour drives are better in the daytime. I need to load up on good tunes to keep myself occupied.

Survey from Jessica. )
chestnutcurls: (tea)
A while back, someone in [livejournal.com profile] weddingplans recommended The Conscious Bride. It was about $1 used on Amazon, so I bought it. I've read several chapters and have mixed feelings about it. It's mostly liberal psychology, but there are a few nuggets of truth. One of the main points is that people fail to realize the loss inherent in marriage - loss of your own family, independence, the identity you've had all your life, etc. Many people don't want to acknowledge these issues, so they use the wedding planning to absorb their sad feelings. Then they wonder why they burst into tears for no reason. Sounds familiar. :P This doesn't mean that you aren't happy about getting married, just that you're dealing with the natural flip side of things. Another point was that it's important to spend time with friends before the wedding, so they can sort of "say goodbye" to you as a single person, since things will be different once you're married. That makes sense. At the same time, though, I want to continue being me. Yes, I'll be a wife and Evan will be my priority (yay! :) ), but I don't plan to stop talking to my friends and family. Wow, this soapbox is old...I hope it doesn't collapse under me.

In a similar vein, Debra called last night to ask me to come to Nashville this weekend. I was planning to go to the Homecoming game and to the fair (since it'll be my only chance to go), so I told her I couldn't. She was upset. I've since e-mailed and offered to come in a few weeks instead. When I mentioned her call to my mom, she indicated disappointment that I was "too busy" to see my sister. Now I feel terrible and selfish. It would be fun to see her and go shopping and stuff...it's just such short notice, I already had plans, and I'm so tired lately. Seriously. I've been in bed by 10 pm for the last three nights, and I still feel lethargic all the time. I am eating okay and taking vitamins, but I now need a Coke to make it through the workday, which is scary. Maybe I have mono or something. :P (ETA: She decided she didn't want anyone to come this weekend after all. Oy.)

Yesterday I finished reading Isaiah. At my speedy quiet-time rate, it took me three months to finish the 66 chapters. Now I'm in James, which I've realized is one of my favorite books of the Bible. It's encouraging and practical. Yay James!

I had other topics to discuss, but it's time to get back to the data checking. I'm hoping to not have to work late, since it's McAlister's night with the guys. My brother goes with us now, which is great. I like hanging out with him.
chestnutcurls: (tea)
A while back, someone in [livejournal.com profile] weddingplans recommended The Conscious Bride. It was about $1 used on Amazon, so I bought it. I've read several chapters and have mixed feelings about it. It's mostly liberal psychology, but there are a few nuggets of truth. One of the main points is that people fail to realize the loss inherent in marriage - loss of your own family, independence, the identity you've had all your life, etc. Many people don't want to acknowledge these issues, so they use the wedding planning to absorb their sad feelings. Then they wonder why they burst into tears for no reason. Sounds familiar. :P This doesn't mean that you aren't happy about getting married, just that you're dealing with the natural flip side of things. Another point was that it's important to spend time with friends before the wedding, so they can sort of "say goodbye" to you as a single person, since things will be different once you're married. That makes sense. At the same time, though, I want to continue being me. Yes, I'll be a wife and Evan will be my priority (yay! :) ), but I don't plan to stop talking to my friends and family. Wow, this soapbox is old...I hope it doesn't collapse under me.

In a similar vein, Debra called last night to ask me to come to Nashville this weekend. I was planning to go to the Homecoming game and to the fair (since it'll be my only chance to go), so I told her I couldn't. She was upset. I've since e-mailed and offered to come in a few weeks instead. When I mentioned her call to my mom, she indicated disappointment that I was "too busy" to see my sister. Now I feel terrible and selfish. It would be fun to see her and go shopping and stuff...it's just such short notice, I already had plans, and I'm so tired lately. Seriously. I've been in bed by 10 pm for the last three nights, and I still feel lethargic all the time. I am eating okay and taking vitamins, but I now need a Coke to make it through the workday, which is scary. Maybe I have mono or something. :P (ETA: She decided she didn't want anyone to come this weekend after all. Oy.)

Yesterday I finished reading Isaiah. At my speedy quiet-time rate, it took me three months to finish the 66 chapters. Now I'm in James, which I've realized is one of my favorite books of the Bible. It's encouraging and practical. Yay James!

I had other topics to discuss, but it's time to get back to the data checking. I'm hoping to not have to work late, since it's McAlister's night with the guys. My brother goes with us now, which is great. I like hanging out with him.
chestnutcurls: (cat love)
I'm wearing jeans and I get to leave at 1! Yay!

Our communion service last night was good. My pastor gave a short talk (using the end of Lord of the Rings as an illustration) about how Christ didn't balk at that last minute in the Garden, but followed through and did what He came to do. It was simple but moving. During communion time, I was thinking that I can't even imagine the weight of my own sin, let alone everyone's. It's impossible to fathom. After service I ended up staying for pie anyway and saw [livejournal.com profile] admael serving! I wanted to talk to her more, but I needed to hurry home to Evan, since he was kind of sad about me staying longer.

My family's church is doing several performances of an elaborate passion play this weekend, and they're all involved with it. My mother sewed most of the costumes, my sister is signing, my dad is directing traffic, and my brother is playing Demon-Possessed Boy. It should be interesting. Ryan and I are going to it tonight. I'll be glad when the play is over and my family can rest. They're exhausted. My mother has been sewing until midnight every night for the past two weeks, making and re-making things according to the whims of the costume director. A few days ago she asked my mom to sew some elaborate bell sleeves, but upon seeing them, decided she didn't like them and cut them off. I would have walked out.

It seems like my two main failure areas are food and finances. I constantly eat and buy things I shouldn't. It's so frustrating.

No lyrics poll today...sorry. I'm just not in the mood to write one. In case I don't post again today, I hope you all have a wonderful Easter weekend!

Edit: Oh, and on Sunday I can read novels again! I'm so excited!
chestnutcurls: (cat love)
I'm wearing jeans and I get to leave at 1! Yay!

Our communion service last night was good. My pastor gave a short talk (using the end of Lord of the Rings as an illustration) about how Christ didn't balk at that last minute in the Garden, but followed through and did what He came to do. It was simple but moving. During communion time, I was thinking that I can't even imagine the weight of my own sin, let alone everyone's. It's impossible to fathom. After service I ended up staying for pie anyway and saw [livejournal.com profile] admael serving! I wanted to talk to her more, but I needed to hurry home to Evan, since he was kind of sad about me staying longer.

My family's church is doing several performances of an elaborate passion play this weekend, and they're all involved with it. My mother sewed most of the costumes, my sister is signing, my dad is directing traffic, and my brother is playing Demon-Possessed Boy. It should be interesting. Ryan and I are going to it tonight. I'll be glad when the play is over and my family can rest. They're exhausted. My mother has been sewing until midnight every night for the past two weeks, making and re-making things according to the whims of the costume director. A few days ago she asked my mom to sew some elaborate bell sleeves, but upon seeing them, decided she didn't like them and cut them off. I would have walked out.

It seems like my two main failure areas are food and finances. I constantly eat and buy things I shouldn't. It's so frustrating.

No lyrics poll today...sorry. I'm just not in the mood to write one. In case I don't post again today, I hope you all have a wonderful Easter weekend!

Edit: Oh, and on Sunday I can read novels again! I'm so excited!

wordiness

Mar. 19th, 2004 09:48 am
chestnutcurls: (braids)
Happy Birthday Phillip! Thanks for gracing us all with your online presence. I hope you have a wonderful birthday and Shana chooses a good cake. :D

I'm posting now while I'm still in a good mood. :) My day got better yesterday- tutoring was cancelled again, so I got to go right home. I called Debra on my way home and she cheered me up. Then Kathy made grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, and Evan's class got cancelled, so he came over early and we had a relaxing time together. And TOW Everybody Finds Out was on TV- I can't believe that was only the #4 ranked episode! What the heck is #1 going to be? I'm betting TOW The List (the episode right after Ross and Rachel kiss for the first time; it includes my favorite Phoebe song ever).

You know, my style is just not cut out for a business environment. I almost always wear a jean skirt on Friday, in celebration of Friday. I always feel conspicuous next to all the black pantsuits. Today, in celebration of springtime, I'm also wearing my new Steve Madden sandals...so I feel even more like I'm about to be accosted by the office fashion police. Thankfully, my boss is fine with it and I see it as a sort of protest. Why should work equal boring clothes, as long as you look nice?

I was supposed to have lunch with Alli today, but she just cancelled. Well, it'll make it easier for me to pick up the cake for the party. Maybe I can also go by Wendy's and get one of those new spinach salads. Tonight Evan and I are shopping for a dress shirt for him to wear to Ashley and Kathryn's wedding tomorrow! It'll be fun seeing him in a tie. :) This will be a nice weekend.

On a spiritual note (gasp!), do you ever have days when you just feel bogged down by your own sinfulness? I've fallen short this week in so many areas. One of my new goals is to really work on my self-centeredness. I'm not the kind of person who goes out of her way to be friendly to people, and maybe I need to work on that. And please don't comment to tell me I'm not self-centered, because that's not my point. :)

If I have time later I'll do the Friday lyrics poll...unless everyone is tired of them.

wordiness

Mar. 19th, 2004 09:48 am
chestnutcurls: (braids)
Happy Birthday Phillip! Thanks for gracing us all with your online presence. I hope you have a wonderful birthday and Shana chooses a good cake. :D

I'm posting now while I'm still in a good mood. :) My day got better yesterday- tutoring was cancelled again, so I got to go right home. I called Debra on my way home and she cheered me up. Then Kathy made grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, and Evan's class got cancelled, so he came over early and we had a relaxing time together. And TOW Everybody Finds Out was on TV- I can't believe that was only the #4 ranked episode! What the heck is #1 going to be? I'm betting TOW The List (the episode right after Ross and Rachel kiss for the first time; it includes my favorite Phoebe song ever).

You know, my style is just not cut out for a business environment. I almost always wear a jean skirt on Friday, in celebration of Friday. I always feel conspicuous next to all the black pantsuits. Today, in celebration of springtime, I'm also wearing my new Steve Madden sandals...so I feel even more like I'm about to be accosted by the office fashion police. Thankfully, my boss is fine with it and I see it as a sort of protest. Why should work equal boring clothes, as long as you look nice?

I was supposed to have lunch with Alli today, but she just cancelled. Well, it'll make it easier for me to pick up the cake for the party. Maybe I can also go by Wendy's and get one of those new spinach salads. Tonight Evan and I are shopping for a dress shirt for him to wear to Ashley and Kathryn's wedding tomorrow! It'll be fun seeing him in a tie. :) This will be a nice weekend.

On a spiritual note (gasp!), do you ever have days when you just feel bogged down by your own sinfulness? I've fallen short this week in so many areas. One of my new goals is to really work on my self-centeredness. I'm not the kind of person who goes out of her way to be friendly to people, and maybe I need to work on that. And please don't comment to tell me I'm not self-centered, because that's not my point. :)

If I have time later I'll do the Friday lyrics poll...unless everyone is tired of them.
chestnutcurls: (braids)
Welcome, March! I'm still going through Ezekiel, and this morning's reading was chapter 31. I wrote it down in my journal and thought, "Chapter 31 on 3-1. Hmm." Then I saw that it began, "In the eleventh year, in the third month on the first day..." I know their calendar wasn't the same as ours so it wasn't actually March, but still weird, no? I like March. It is a good month.

This weekend was great in some ways, not so great in other ways. On Friday night Evan and I had a fun, smooey date. 50 First Dates was wonderful (now I want the soundtrack- 80s remakes, though it wasn't an 80s movie). On Saturday I slept in and then went to lunch with Alli and our church friend Rachel. I scrapbooked in the afternoon until Evan was done working on a car, and then we went for a walk. We decided to go out to Cordova and meet Ryan for dinner. Before we left, I started seeing flashes, like when you come into a bright room from a dark one. I was freaked out but tried to be calm about it. By the time we finished dinner, I had a massive headache and felt nauseated and just...weird. We had planned to go to Myla's and watch a movie, and since I really wanted to see her, we went anyway. At her house, when she turned the light out to watch the movie, I suddenly felt better. Thus we figured out that I had a (low-grade) migraine. I've only had one other migraine in my life, so I didn't know the signs. We thought I could sleep it off, but when I got up on Sunday morning it came back almost immediately. I went to church anyway, and then spent the afternoon napping on Ryan's couch while he and Evan watched truck videos. When I woke up I felt well enough to see The Passion with the church group, but since the movie was so emotional, I was right back at square one when it was over. Lather, rinse, repeat. After a fairly quick dinner, I came home and went to bed. Today the headache is lingering, though not as bad, and all I want to do is sleep in a dark room for three days. I don't know how you chronic migraine sufferers deal with it. (Oh, and the movie we watched with Myla was A Mighty Wind, which was absolutely hilarious. I'm still laughing out loud when I think about the movie, and Evan has said "Wha' Happened?!" about twenty times now.)

I have the best boyfriend in the world. News flash, I know. He is so sweet and fun, and takes great care of me. :) He talked to his mom last night, and we've pretty much decided on the last week in August for our trip to New Hampshire. I am so excited.

The Passion of the Christ )
chestnutcurls: (braids)
Welcome, March! I'm still going through Ezekiel, and this morning's reading was chapter 31. I wrote it down in my journal and thought, "Chapter 31 on 3-1. Hmm." Then I saw that it began, "In the eleventh year, in the third month on the first day..." I know their calendar wasn't the same as ours so it wasn't actually March, but still weird, no? I like March. It is a good month.

This weekend was great in some ways, not so great in other ways. On Friday night Evan and I had a fun, smooey date. 50 First Dates was wonderful (now I want the soundtrack- 80s remakes, though it wasn't an 80s movie). On Saturday I slept in and then went to lunch with Alli and our church friend Rachel. I scrapbooked in the afternoon until Evan was done working on a car, and then we went for a walk. We decided to go out to Cordova and meet Ryan for dinner. Before we left, I started seeing flashes, like when you come into a bright room from a dark one. I was freaked out but tried to be calm about it. By the time we finished dinner, I had a massive headache and felt nauseated and just...weird. We had planned to go to Myla's and watch a movie, and since I really wanted to see her, we went anyway. At her house, when she turned the light out to watch the movie, I suddenly felt better. Thus we figured out that I had a (low-grade) migraine. I've only had one other migraine in my life, so I didn't know the signs. We thought I could sleep it off, but when I got up on Sunday morning it came back almost immediately. I went to church anyway, and then spent the afternoon napping on Ryan's couch while he and Evan watched truck videos. When I woke up I felt well enough to see The Passion with the church group, but since the movie was so emotional, I was right back at square one when it was over. Lather, rinse, repeat. After a fairly quick dinner, I came home and went to bed. Today the headache is lingering, though not as bad, and all I want to do is sleep in a dark room for three days. I don't know how you chronic migraine sufferers deal with it. (Oh, and the movie we watched with Myla was A Mighty Wind, which was absolutely hilarious. I'm still laughing out loud when I think about the movie, and Evan has said "Wha' Happened?!" about twenty times now.)

I have the best boyfriend in the world. News flash, I know. He is so sweet and fun, and takes great care of me. :) He talked to his mom last night, and we've pretty much decided on the last week in August for our trip to New Hampshire. I am so excited.

The Passion of the Christ )
chestnutcurls: (flowery me)
TGIF! It's a quiet day, something I haven't experienced in a while. I am full of anticipation of our date tonight. We decided to postpone ceramics for a special occasion. Instead we're going downtown to have Chinese food and see 50 First Dates. :) The rest of the weekend will be full of other fun activities. We're seeing Passion of the Christ on Sunday night with the church group. Knowing how much it will shake me up, I'm not really looking forward to it, but being spiritually jarred is good for growth. I'm very disturbed by gory movies, but I can stay okay by telling myself it's not real. This was real, and it was for me. It's pretty overwhelming.

On a lighter note, my musical appliances have formed a conspiracy against me. A couple of months ago, my beautiful, fairly-new Kenwood stereo stopped turning on. The standby light is on, but when you hit the power button, nothing happens. (I refuse to believe that it's dead and want to take it to a repairman...if I ever get around to doing so.) Shortly thereafter, my tuner/discman died completely. The cheap discman that I use in the car became my all-purpose one. On Wednesday, it went the way of the others. Today I'm getting another cheap one because I can't stand the radio anymore, but Evan thinks I should just get a car stereo with CD player and he'll install it for me. It might be a better idea in the long run, but it seems like an unnecessary expense right now. So many things demanding my tax refund. :P

Yolanda didn't show up last night. I went to Streets and she had just left. It was weird, but not unexpected since you never know what's going on over there. Hopefully we can do McDonald's next week.

I miss Jessica.

A quote to think about today:
The questions worth asking are not answerable. Could we be fascinated by a Maker who was completely explained and understood? The mystery is tremendous, and the fascination that keeps me returning to the questions affirms that they are worth asking, and that any God worth believing in is the God not only of the immensities of the galaxies I rejoice in at night when I walk the dogs, but also the God of love who cares about the sufferings of us human beings and is here, with us, for us, in our pain and in our joy. - Madeleine L’Engle
chestnutcurls: (flowery me)
TGIF! It's a quiet day, something I haven't experienced in a while. I am full of anticipation of our date tonight. We decided to postpone ceramics for a special occasion. Instead we're going downtown to have Chinese food and see 50 First Dates. :) The rest of the weekend will be full of other fun activities. We're seeing Passion of the Christ on Sunday night with the church group. Knowing how much it will shake me up, I'm not really looking forward to it, but being spiritually jarred is good for growth. I'm very disturbed by gory movies, but I can stay okay by telling myself it's not real. This was real, and it was for me. It's pretty overwhelming.

On a lighter note, my musical appliances have formed a conspiracy against me. A couple of months ago, my beautiful, fairly-new Kenwood stereo stopped turning on. The standby light is on, but when you hit the power button, nothing happens. (I refuse to believe that it's dead and want to take it to a repairman...if I ever get around to doing so.) Shortly thereafter, my tuner/discman died completely. The cheap discman that I use in the car became my all-purpose one. On Wednesday, it went the way of the others. Today I'm getting another cheap one because I can't stand the radio anymore, but Evan thinks I should just get a car stereo with CD player and he'll install it for me. It might be a better idea in the long run, but it seems like an unnecessary expense right now. So many things demanding my tax refund. :P

Yolanda didn't show up last night. I went to Streets and she had just left. It was weird, but not unexpected since you never know what's going on over there. Hopefully we can do McDonald's next week.

I miss Jessica.

A quote to think about today:
The questions worth asking are not answerable. Could we be fascinated by a Maker who was completely explained and understood? The mystery is tremendous, and the fascination that keeps me returning to the questions affirms that they are worth asking, and that any God worth believing in is the God not only of the immensities of the galaxies I rejoice in at night when I walk the dogs, but also the God of love who cares about the sufferings of us human beings and is here, with us, for us, in our pain and in our joy. - Madeleine L’Engle

impulses

Oct. 23rd, 2003 01:53 pm
chestnutcurls: (Joey)
I'm so frustrated with myself right now. In this week alone, I have spent $30 on "impulse buys." Last week I spent $30 on scrapbooking supplies, which was not unnecessary, but maybe I should have gone without. I just went to Target and saw that two pajama tank tops, which I had passed over several times before because of the expense, were on clearance. So I bought them. It was $11 total, and I knew I'd regret it later if I didn't get them, but I feel like a criminal. My pastor's voice saying "We need to cut out impulse spending" was ringing in my ears. The ironic thing is, I have been slightly more conservative in spending on myself, but spending on other people is still in full swing. Even so, I feel guilty that I can't do more for the people I care about. Evan's birthday is coming up and I wish I could shower him with presents, but I can't afford to. People constantly ask me to contribute to this charity or that fundraiser, and I feel bad because I can't help them all. Christmas is coming. Then I'll have two weddings to buy things for. After that, who knows. The only thing that I can afford to cut from my budget is myself. Maybe that's why I feel so sinful for buying two tank tops that were not absolutely necessary.

This week I realized that a lot of my poor decisions would be eliminated if I just changed my mindset. For instance, my habit of allowing myself one Coke every day, or eating some sort of dessert every evening. If I stopped thinking that I was somehow entitled to those things, it wouldn't be so hard to cut back. I've gotten soft. I want to live a holy life that is practical and responsible and honors God. I'm doing a poor job.

Maria mentioned FlyLady the other day. It's a cool system and I want to join, but after reading the daily schedule, I decided there's no way a working woman can do it. I long for the day when I can leave the corporate world and work in my home. I don't want to work in hotel franchising for the rest of my life. There, I said it. More and more of my college friends are starting grad school. In a few years they'll be Masters and Dr.s. I have a B.A. Woo. I feel uneducated. What else is new?

On a positive note, I was really touched this morning while reading my e-mail and friends page. It seems like many people around here are going through rough times right now, but it's so beautiful to me to see everyone supporting and helping one another. I'm blessed to know such Godly women and to get to read about your thoughts and lives each day. (Guys, you're cool too.) I wish I could go on an LJ Tour of the country and meet each of you. Seriously. You're wonderful.

impulses

Oct. 23rd, 2003 01:53 pm
chestnutcurls: (Joey)
I'm so frustrated with myself right now. In this week alone, I have spent $30 on "impulse buys." Last week I spent $30 on scrapbooking supplies, which was not unnecessary, but maybe I should have gone without. I just went to Target and saw that two pajama tank tops, which I had passed over several times before because of the expense, were on clearance. So I bought them. It was $11 total, and I knew I'd regret it later if I didn't get them, but I feel like a criminal. My pastor's voice saying "We need to cut out impulse spending" was ringing in my ears. The ironic thing is, I have been slightly more conservative in spending on myself, but spending on other people is still in full swing. Even so, I feel guilty that I can't do more for the people I care about. Evan's birthday is coming up and I wish I could shower him with presents, but I can't afford to. People constantly ask me to contribute to this charity or that fundraiser, and I feel bad because I can't help them all. Christmas is coming. Then I'll have two weddings to buy things for. After that, who knows. The only thing that I can afford to cut from my budget is myself. Maybe that's why I feel so sinful for buying two tank tops that were not absolutely necessary.

This week I realized that a lot of my poor decisions would be eliminated if I just changed my mindset. For instance, my habit of allowing myself one Coke every day, or eating some sort of dessert every evening. If I stopped thinking that I was somehow entitled to those things, it wouldn't be so hard to cut back. I've gotten soft. I want to live a holy life that is practical and responsible and honors God. I'm doing a poor job.

Maria mentioned FlyLady the other day. It's a cool system and I want to join, but after reading the daily schedule, I decided there's no way a working woman can do it. I long for the day when I can leave the corporate world and work in my home. I don't want to work in hotel franchising for the rest of my life. There, I said it. More and more of my college friends are starting grad school. In a few years they'll be Masters and Dr.s. I have a B.A. Woo. I feel uneducated. What else is new?

On a positive note, I was really touched this morning while reading my e-mail and friends page. It seems like many people around here are going through rough times right now, but it's so beautiful to me to see everyone supporting and helping one another. I'm blessed to know such Godly women and to get to read about your thoughts and lives each day. (Guys, you're cool too.) I wish I could go on an LJ Tour of the country and meet each of you. Seriously. You're wonderful.
chestnutcurls: (Bun)
[livejournal.com profile] aggielad mentioned this morning that today is the feast day of St. Therese of Lisieux. I'm not Catholic, but Christian history always interests me, so I followed the link to learn about her. In the quotes section I found something that really jumped out at me. It's from one of her letters:

The practice of charity, as I have said, dear Mother, was not always so sweet for me, and to prove it to you I am going to recount certain little struggles which will certainly make you smile. For a long time at evening meditation, I was placed in front of a Sister who had a strange habit and I think many lights because she rarely used a book during meditation. This is what I noticed: as soon as this Sister arrived, she began making a strange little noise which resembled the noise one would make when rubbing two shells, one against the other. I was the only one to notice it because I had extremely sensitive hearing (too much so at times). Mother, it would be impossible for me to tell you how much this little noise wearied me. I had a great desire to turn my head and stare at the culprit who was very certainly unaware of her "click." This would be the only way of enlightening her. However, in the bottom of my heart I felt it was much better to suffer this out of love for God and not to cause the Sister any pain. I remained calm, therefore, and tried to unite myself to God and to forget the little noise. Everything was useless. I felt the perspiration inundate me, and I was obliged simply to make a prayer of doing it without annoyance and with peace and joy, at least in the interior of my soul. I tried to love the little noise which was so displeasing; instead of trying not to hear it (impossible), I paid close attention so as to hear it well, as though it were a delightful concert, and my prayer (which was not the Prayer of Quiet) was spent in offering this concert to Jesus.
- Saint Therese of Lisieux, from Story of a Soul


Isn't that great? I have so many "little noises" in my life that drive me nuts. Maybe what I need to do is stop trying to ignore them and start acknowledging them, to God and to myself. That's my lesson for the day. Learn to love the little noise.

Only funny line from Good Morning Miami last night [about a new clip art graphic]: "Why is the sun wearing sunglasses? I mean....he's the sun. What is he shading himself from?"

Hace frio hoy. Apparently we're skipping fall this year. I've been in Memphis most of my life, yet its bizarre weather never ceases to amaze or annoy me.

I'm sad because I have band practice tonight, so I can't go to Bible study with Evan. Next week, my "off" week, I'll be in the midst of a business conference and will probably have to go to a dinner or something. :( Also, Derek Webb is playing at First Evangelical tonight and I can't go to that either. However, he's having a concert at a local college on Friday night, so Evan and I are planning to see him then. That'll be good.

Survey from Jessica. Sorry I'm doing so many surveys lately. )
chestnutcurls: (Bun)
[livejournal.com profile] aggielad mentioned this morning that today is the feast day of St. Therese of Lisieux. I'm not Catholic, but Christian history always interests me, so I followed the link to learn about her. In the quotes section I found something that really jumped out at me. It's from one of her letters:

The practice of charity, as I have said, dear Mother, was not always so sweet for me, and to prove it to you I am going to recount certain little struggles which will certainly make you smile. For a long time at evening meditation, I was placed in front of a Sister who had a strange habit and I think many lights because she rarely used a book during meditation. This is what I noticed: as soon as this Sister arrived, she began making a strange little noise which resembled the noise one would make when rubbing two shells, one against the other. I was the only one to notice it because I had extremely sensitive hearing (too much so at times). Mother, it would be impossible for me to tell you how much this little noise wearied me. I had a great desire to turn my head and stare at the culprit who was very certainly unaware of her "click." This would be the only way of enlightening her. However, in the bottom of my heart I felt it was much better to suffer this out of love for God and not to cause the Sister any pain. I remained calm, therefore, and tried to unite myself to God and to forget the little noise. Everything was useless. I felt the perspiration inundate me, and I was obliged simply to make a prayer of doing it without annoyance and with peace and joy, at least in the interior of my soul. I tried to love the little noise which was so displeasing; instead of trying not to hear it (impossible), I paid close attention so as to hear it well, as though it were a delightful concert, and my prayer (which was not the Prayer of Quiet) was spent in offering this concert to Jesus.
- Saint Therese of Lisieux, from Story of a Soul


Isn't that great? I have so many "little noises" in my life that drive me nuts. Maybe what I need to do is stop trying to ignore them and start acknowledging them, to God and to myself. That's my lesson for the day. Learn to love the little noise.

Only funny line from Good Morning Miami last night [about a new clip art graphic]: "Why is the sun wearing sunglasses? I mean....he's the sun. What is he shading himself from?"

Hace frio hoy. Apparently we're skipping fall this year. I've been in Memphis most of my life, yet its bizarre weather never ceases to amaze or annoy me.

I'm sad because I have band practice tonight, so I can't go to Bible study with Evan. Next week, my "off" week, I'll be in the midst of a business conference and will probably have to go to a dinner or something. :( Also, Derek Webb is playing at First Evangelical tonight and I can't go to that either. However, he's having a concert at a local college on Friday night, so Evan and I are planning to see him then. That'll be good.

Survey from Jessica. Sorry I'm doing so many surveys lately. )
chestnutcurls: (stripes)
Happy fall, everyone! I'm glad that fall is finally here. I'm ready to wear jeans and sweaters, turn off the air conditioning, eat a lot of soup, and go to barn parties. Apparently the soup part has already sunk in, because earlier I was seized with a desperate craving for broccoli cheese soup in a bread bowl. So Ryan and Chris and I are going to McAlister's after work. I get so excited, anticipating food. In fall I'm usually hungry all the time. Oh, let's face it- I'm always hungry all the time. It's a wonder I don't gain 200 pounds.

I'm very happy to welcome [livejournal.com profile] raysofhope to the friends list. I have long admired her from afar. :)

Yesterday I had my first tutoring session of the year with Yolanda, and it was excellent! I had concerns, because at the end of last school year, she was mysteriously angry at me and said she didn't want me to be her tutor anymore. But over the summer, she's apparently forgotten whatever it was. She's much cheerier and willing to work. We worked on a TCAP math pre-test, and she flew through it and did a great job! I was impressed and proud. I have a renewed desire to help now that I've been through tutor training. They showed us some statistics from the middle and high schools that these kids attend, and they were staggering. The Memphis City Schools as a whole are failing miserably, but these were especially bad. It takes most kids an average of five years to graduate from the high school. I can't believe the government lets that continue. Anyway, I'm blessed to work with Yolanda. I felt so refreshed after our session.

Lately I'm worried about the difference in my contentment level pre- and post-boyfriend. I should be content in God, not in another person's love. Is it bad, then, that my happiness has skyrocketed in the last few weeks? I mean, being with Evan has eradicated a lot of problems besides frustration at not being with Evan; things like being left out by my friends, feeling hopeless about my future, feeling lonely in general. I don't have to worry about those things now. :D In the past few days I've been slightly annoyed about work and cleaning issues, and it was almost a relief, like "Oh, good, I can still get irritated." Being too happy makes me nervous. I feel like I'm depending too much on a person for happiness, and not enough on God. Am I making any sense?

Okay, now I've definitely talked long enough. :P So as not to end on that crazy note, here's a non-crazy item: we moved Gandalf's cat tower near a window that gets more sunlight. When I went home to eat lunch, he was curled up on the tower, napping in the sun. It was adorable. He hasn't done that since he was a tiny kitten. :)
chestnutcurls: (stripes)
Happy fall, everyone! I'm glad that fall is finally here. I'm ready to wear jeans and sweaters, turn off the air conditioning, eat a lot of soup, and go to barn parties. Apparently the soup part has already sunk in, because earlier I was seized with a desperate craving for broccoli cheese soup in a bread bowl. So Ryan and Chris and I are going to McAlister's after work. I get so excited, anticipating food. In fall I'm usually hungry all the time. Oh, let's face it- I'm always hungry all the time. It's a wonder I don't gain 200 pounds.

I'm very happy to welcome [livejournal.com profile] raysofhope to the friends list. I have long admired her from afar. :)

Yesterday I had my first tutoring session of the year with Yolanda, and it was excellent! I had concerns, because at the end of last school year, she was mysteriously angry at me and said she didn't want me to be her tutor anymore. But over the summer, she's apparently forgotten whatever it was. She's much cheerier and willing to work. We worked on a TCAP math pre-test, and she flew through it and did a great job! I was impressed and proud. I have a renewed desire to help now that I've been through tutor training. They showed us some statistics from the middle and high schools that these kids attend, and they were staggering. The Memphis City Schools as a whole are failing miserably, but these were especially bad. It takes most kids an average of five years to graduate from the high school. I can't believe the government lets that continue. Anyway, I'm blessed to work with Yolanda. I felt so refreshed after our session.

Lately I'm worried about the difference in my contentment level pre- and post-boyfriend. I should be content in God, not in another person's love. Is it bad, then, that my happiness has skyrocketed in the last few weeks? I mean, being with Evan has eradicated a lot of problems besides frustration at not being with Evan; things like being left out by my friends, feeling hopeless about my future, feeling lonely in general. I don't have to worry about those things now. :D In the past few days I've been slightly annoyed about work and cleaning issues, and it was almost a relief, like "Oh, good, I can still get irritated." Being too happy makes me nervous. I feel like I'm depending too much on a person for happiness, and not enough on God. Am I making any sense?

Okay, now I've definitely talked long enough. :P So as not to end on that crazy note, here's a non-crazy item: we moved Gandalf's cat tower near a window that gets more sunlight. When I went home to eat lunch, he was curled up on the tower, napping in the sun. It was adorable. He hasn't done that since he was a tiny kitten. :)

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