don't ever let life pass you by
Sep. 12th, 2002 09:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chestnutcurlsHappy Birthday ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
greenhornet! :)
Danielle's moving entry yesterday about her life in NYC made me think, and I don't just mean about 9/11. It made me think about my life. I've always been afraid of Moving Away to a Strange Place. When it was time to go to college, I didn't even apply to any school outside of Memphis. The thought of leaving everything familiar and going off alone was too scary. (The exception was Miami, my native land, but my parents wouldn't let me apply at UM because it was too expensive.) For a while, when I was seriously pursuing meteorology, I had dreams of going off to live in Norman, OK to chase tornadoes. :) And now, now that I am out of school and without any legal relational ties, I sometimes think about going off to live in Baltimore or DC or Boston or NYC. I think about going off to have an adventure, "find myself," whatever.
But I am too afraid of leaving my friends behind and losing them. I'm too tired to exert all the effort that would be involved in moving to a completely new place and building a completely new life. I'm too sad when I think about being separated from my family and having even less of a role in their day-to-day lives than I do now. I get the feeling from society in general that, if you are a Healthy Independent Young Person, you will want to have this transplanting growing experience, and that if you don't have it when you're young, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. I worry that something is wrong with me because, while I enjoy imagining such an experience, I cannot fathom actually having it. Alone, anyway.
That's the main thing- I don't want to go alone. If/when I have a husband, a best friend I can say "Where you will dwell, there I will dwell also" to, :) I know I will not be afraid to go out into the world. In fact, I kind of hope that we would go, and not stay here forever. Because when you have someone with you, everything is twice as exciting.
I don't know what I'm trying to say or why I even felt the need to blather about this. Here's a random thing to end on. Today I am wearing foundation for the first time ever in my life. (That's face makeup, for you boys. :)) I've been feeling blah about my appearance and decided to try something new. I don't think I look any different, but I'll try it for a few days at least. And that is the end. :)
greenhornet! :)Danielle's moving entry yesterday about her life in NYC made me think, and I don't just mean about 9/11. It made me think about my life. I've always been afraid of Moving Away to a Strange Place. When it was time to go to college, I didn't even apply to any school outside of Memphis. The thought of leaving everything familiar and going off alone was too scary. (The exception was Miami, my native land, but my parents wouldn't let me apply at UM because it was too expensive.) For a while, when I was seriously pursuing meteorology, I had dreams of going off to live in Norman, OK to chase tornadoes. :) And now, now that I am out of school and without any legal relational ties, I sometimes think about going off to live in Baltimore or DC or Boston or NYC. I think about going off to have an adventure, "find myself," whatever.
But I am too afraid of leaving my friends behind and losing them. I'm too tired to exert all the effort that would be involved in moving to a completely new place and building a completely new life. I'm too sad when I think about being separated from my family and having even less of a role in their day-to-day lives than I do now. I get the feeling from society in general that, if you are a Healthy Independent Young Person, you will want to have this transplanting growing experience, and that if you don't have it when you're young, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. I worry that something is wrong with me because, while I enjoy imagining such an experience, I cannot fathom actually having it. Alone, anyway.
That's the main thing- I don't want to go alone. If/when I have a husband, a best friend I can say "Where you will dwell, there I will dwell also" to, :) I know I will not be afraid to go out into the world. In fact, I kind of hope that we would go, and not stay here forever. Because when you have someone with you, everything is twice as exciting.
I don't know what I'm trying to say or why I even felt the need to blather about this. Here's a random thing to end on. Today I am wearing foundation for the first time ever in my life. (That's face makeup, for you boys. :)) I've been feeling blah about my appearance and decided to try something new. I don't think I look any different, but I'll try it for a few days at least. And that is the end. :)
