don't ever let life pass you by

[chestnutcurls]

Happy Birthday greenhornet! :)

Danielle's moving entry yesterday about her life in NYC made me think, and I don't just mean about 9/11. It made me think about my life. I've always been afraid of Moving Away to a Strange Place. When it was time to go to college, I didn't even apply to any school outside of Memphis. The thought of leaving everything familiar and going off alone was too scary. (The exception was Miami, my native land, but my parents wouldn't let me apply at UM because it was too expensive.) For a while, when I was seriously pursuing meteorology, I had dreams of going off to live in Norman, OK to chase tornadoes. :) And now, now that I am out of school and without any legal relational ties, I sometimes think about going off to live in Baltimore or DC or Boston or NYC. I think about going off to have an adventure, "find myself," whatever.

But I am too afraid of leaving my friends behind and losing them. I'm too tired to exert all the effort that would be involved in moving to a completely new place and building a completely new life. I'm too sad when I think about being separated from my family and having even less of a role in their day-to-day lives than I do now. I get the feeling from society in general that, if you are a Healthy Independent Young Person, you will want to have this transplanting growing experience, and that if you don't have it when you're young, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. I worry that something is wrong with me because, while I enjoy imagining such an experience, I cannot fathom actually having it. Alone, anyway.

That's the main thing- I don't want to go alone. If/when I have a husband, a best friend I can say "Where you will dwell, there I will dwell also" to, :) I know I will not be afraid to go out into the world. In fact, I kind of hope that we would go, and not stay here forever. Because when you have someone with you, everything is twice as exciting.

I don't know what I'm trying to say or why I even felt the need to blather about this. Here's a random thing to end on. Today I am wearing foundation for the first time ever in my life. (That's face makeup, for you boys. :)) I've been feeling blah about my appearance and decided to try something new. I don't think I look any different, but I'll try it for a few days at least. And that is the end. :)

Comments

[aardwolf.livejournal.com]

Oh... so THAT's what foundation is... :P

Hey, if I get a job in the CIA, feel free to come to DC and visit. ;)

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Hey, we could lunch today and you could elaborate on what the heck you're talking about. :)

Re:

[aardwolf.livejournal.com]

Ok.. sounds like a plan... but you'll be disappointed. There's not really much to it. Anyway, I'll set up a conference call. :P

[lifeofpatrick.livejournal.com]

***Because when you have someone with you, everything is twice as exciting***

Yes, I agree with that also I think it would be easier since marriage does set in place an important part of your future until that point that avalibility of choices are pretty much unlimited so I find it hard to make a decision. When you have two people committed to each other and sharing in that process progress can be achived.

***Today I am wearing foundation for the first time ever in my life. ***

pictures pictures you have to prove theese things :)

***feeling blah about my appearance***

You are very attractive/cute/sexy in all the pictures you have graced me with in your album and Icons

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

[tingilya.livejournal.com]

I didn't have any reservations about moving away, so if you are, then you're probably best to stay put at least for a while.

I visited NYC in '95 for the first time and absolutely fell in love. I couldn't get it out of my head for years after that. I went in '98 right after graduating from college and did an internship. I had planned to find a job and stay, but it just didn't work out. I came back home for almost a year, and the whole time I felt like a failure. At that point, it became something I had to *prove* to myself. That I could do it alone and succeed. So I found my job at Tiger through an old U2 messageboard friend who worked there (totally meant to be) and I just went. I never regretted it and I still don't. My parents never tried to hold me back. I was homesick from time to time, but overall I was just having a blast. I bet I went to 100 concerts in that year. I just soaked up so much of that awesome city, and overall I loved the whole experience.

But one day I just knew it was time to come home. So I did. Simple as that. And I don't regret coming back, or when I did. And I know it was all in God's perfect plan, because just a little over a year later, a plane crashed into the building at the exact time I would've been getting off the subway.

So if you feel you should go somewhere, then definitely go. You might regret it forever if you don't. But if the cons outweigh the pros, stick it out where you are. It's probably God telling you that there's a reason to stay.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Thanks for that. I guess I just needed an adventure person like yourself to tell me it's okay to stay home. :)

[(Anonymous)]

There is no rule that says you have to move away to have a meaningful or full life. Some people just want to do it. For instance, I wanted to get out of Murfreesboro, but you never really had that desire to leave Memphis. If you really wanted to leave and get out there and discover a new place, you would know it. But don't feel like you have to just because you think that 'everybody does it'...if everybody jumped off a bridge- would you? ;) The point is that you don't have to move to a new city to find yourself- when I moved to New Orleans, I did the opposite. I lost my identity- granted that had more to do with starting Law School and being known as 'Daniel's Girlfriend' to everyone.... but you get my point- I hope. :) Besides- If you want to move to DC, Daniel and I will be living there in 2 years so it wouldn't be so scary and Sean and Jenny are there. ~ Em

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Hey, I didn't think about that! And Kathy could go there for her doctorate! And we could all go! See, this is the solution. We'll just move everybody. :)

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

First, I totally understand the pressures to move somewhere and "live" before you settle down. I have always wanted to live in different states, and I had said that after college graduation when I was free, I would move to Texas, Virginia or New Hampshire or something. I was starting to feel down on myself for not having moved yet. My reasons? Not knowing how to go about it, being in a lot of school debt, and wanting to be near my family/nieces.

Now I've sort of felt this desire to stay home for awhile. I'm not even sure why, but for a few months (even though I loved my experience in TX this last time, I put those moving thoughts on hold) I have finally felt at peace with being at home in Yuba City for awhile. I'm going to enjoy this feeling because I've been stressing about it too long! Anyway, I have some ideas on why God might want me here, but I'm not very sure at all about it. I just know I feel fine for now.

Moral to the story? It's good to take that step and move (I am so happy I got to attend school in TX for at least that one semester), but don't worry about it if you haven't. You have a million reasons to stay put--great friends, family, a job, etc. If you really say to God that you're willing to do what He wants, He'll present the opportunity for you to do it. Now I just need to remember my own advice.

As for foundation and your appearance, I can also relate! I mean, I haven't been wearing foundation (that's like my least-favorite makeup product), but I've been down on several aspects of myself lately. My appearances, my skills/talents, etc. I'm not sure why because I feel very content and satisfied right now, but I am just annoyed when I see pictures of myself or my own creative work falling short of what I want.

Another journal entry disguised as a comment brought to you by Jessica.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing that. I am feeling a lot better about this now. :)

You shouldn't be down on yourself. You're a pretty and talented girl. :) I've never liked foundation either, which is why I've never used it before. I haven't wanted to look like a pancake face. But it's not so bad. I used such a small amount anyway that it doesn't make much difference. :)

Re:

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

I think the only benefit of foundation (if you are comfortable with your skin as is, which I am) is that it helps hold other makeup on. hahaha.. I feel so girly talking about this.

Yeah I know I'm God's creation and all of that, it's just a phase. :P I'll be fine.

[greenhornet.livejournal.com]

can't you use that to cover zits?
there was a guy in high school that used to steal his sister's if he broke out.

I had to wear it in a theatre production once.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but stage makeup is different. It's definitely not for everyday wear. Bleah. :P

I can totally relate!

[sominfun.livejournal.com]

Hi! Thanks for stopping by my journal.

I can totally relate to this entry. As an undergraduate I moved about three hours from "home," and truly enjoyed the experience. For a variety of reasons I wanted to live and work near my family after school, though. Not forever, but at least initially. Little did I know God had other plans. To make a potentially long story shorter, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and I wasn't incredibly happy in my circumstances. I lacked both courage and direction. So when a friend of mine from college called with an incredible offer (a new job, free place to live and an opportunity to work on my masters) I totally jumped at the chance. I threw what I could into my car and moved from Florida to New York. So I'm still sort of treading water as far as knowing what I want to do with my next fifty years, but at least I'm getting a masters degree out of the experience. Ironically my friend moved back to Florida, so I've truly started a new life from scratch. It is challenging, but it's not as scary as I thought it would be. My point is this, God has a subtle way of directing our lives, and I believe he's the author of our heart's desires (well, at least the non-sinful ones). And if He hasn't planted a burning desire for you to move to a new place and start over, then you shouldn't feel like you are missing out. Different strokes and all of that.

You seem like a confident and upbeat person, and I'm glad we bumped into each other.

Re: I can totally relate!

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Wow! Thanks for sharing that, and for the compliment. :)