you still won't hear me

[chestnutcurls]

Our work e-mail has been down all afternoon. The virus spreads.

I changed a few of the photos in my cube today. I have some hilarious photos of Gandalf that I got from Kathy. When I have my scanner/copier/printer, soon, I will scan them and make a big Laugh at My Cat post. He's so funny. This morning, as usual, he laid on the table while I ate breakfast. I got up for thirty seconds to tell Kathy something, and when I came back, he was drinking the milk out of my cereal bowl. It was a good thing I was finished. LOL. What a little moocher.

Being idle doesn't suit me. I've had a lot of relaxation time lately, which I'm grateful for, but it gets old. Last night I cooked a big frittata just for myself because I was bored and wanted to do something productive. Boy, it's going to be great when I'm living alone again. :P Anyway, I think I'd rather be tired with too much to do than sit around all the time. Soon my tutoring at Streets will start again- that'll help. Speaking of which, though, I was reading their newsletter and I realized I went about things all wrong last year. The other tutors really bond with their students. They hang out and take them to movies and shopping and stuff. I didn't do any of that with Yolanda, other than taking her to McDonald's a few times, and even then she didn't want to socialize, she just wanted to eat. It was hard to interact with her outside of tutoring. Granted, they gave me a "difficult" child, but I feel like I screwed up. I'm still going to volunteer again, but I wonder if I really should. If I don't do things the right way, I probably shouldn't be doing them at all.

Survey question (more for the single crowd): how do you guys feel about fix-ups? Are you opposed to them, or are you open to various methods of finding someone? I just want to see if I'm in the minority here. Sometimes I wish I really could go off to a convent. People can't seem to grasp the concept of wanting a relationship based on more than fuzzy feelings and a mutual desire to not be single. If seeking to love a person, not a concept, makes one a freak, then I guess I really am a freak. Okay, none of this is directed at any of you, so I'll stop now. :)

Four days until my birthday/Clay Day!

Comments

[prncsssevo.livejournal.com]

I don't really mind fix-ups...as long as I've at least seen the person once before. And I also like to know a little about the person first. My friend, Karen fixed Steve and I up and that was okay for a little while...he at least wasn't psycho or anything. *shrugs* I think fix-ups can be okay...as long as the person doing the "fixing" knows enough about the two people he/she is fixing up.

I feel your pain on one thing though...the convent issue...many a time have I thought about going into one!

And...you're definitely not a freak...I feel the same way!

*hugs*

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

:) Thanks for your input and encouragement. You're so nice.

[prncsssevo.livejournal.com]

Awww! Thanks! You're really nice too! :-)

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

We talked about this last night (yay!), but I am not cool with the idea of others fixing me up. This goes along with my general desire to do things myself when it has a lot to do with personal preference. I don't like people to fix my hair, makeup, or decorate my room. I know what I like.

I think some people are just more easy going about that stuff, and they don't take it as a personal criticism or sign of desperation. They just find it fun and a good chance to meet people. They also might really trust their friends' opinions (but I'm not sure if I feel any of my friends know better about what I want/need).

I think if I were single and one of my close friends met someone they thought I'd really like, I would be open to a gathering where both of us were there, but I'd prefer it if they didn't tell one of us that it was happening so there wasn't the awkwardness.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yay! Yeah, I agree with everything you said. Especially the part about some people just being more easygoing about those things. I'm too much of a control freak about that stuff, I guess. :)

[salemgirl.livejournal.com]

For me, it would depend on who's doing the fixing... I'm open to it if it's someone I trust and respect (and knows me pretty well)...

You will do fine tutoring... Any amount of one on one time you spend with a child will be beneficial... :)

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yeah, mutual respect with the fix-er is a biggie. It helps a lot if their mindset isn't, "Ooo, she's old and alone, we better find her someone quick so she can be like the rest of us." :P

Thanks. :) I really appreciate your input, since you work with kids so much!

[salemgirl.livejournal.com]

:) no prob

I can only think of a few friends I would trust to fix me up... But even so, the entertainment from a "fix-up" might be worth the trouble... hehehe!!!

[mszimbolist.livejournal.com]

tutoring: I would love to have you as a tutor, heh. I'm sure you do a fabulous job, and if you're aware that you should probably try to do more bonding, then you will probably do it "right" this time. another thought I had was that maybe this girl didn't need the bonding. some people just don't do socializing except with a select few.

idleness: I know what you mean. I'm scared about the next semester, but I can't wait until Monday. I need to start working at things again.

oh, and I don't think anyone should date until they're fine with being single. If you want a date just for the sake of not being able to take being alone anymore.... um, that's not good. you should be able to stand on your own before you get involved with someone else. at least, that's my opinion. I've never been 25 and single, of course, so what do I know?

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

LOL. I don't think you need me to tutor you, Miss 16-Year-Old College Student. :)

I think your opinion is good. :)

[mszimbolist.livejournal.com]

LOL. I don't think you need me to tutor you, Miss 16-Year-Old College Student. :)

oh gosh. just wait until I get into this math class. it's suicide to even sign up for it. *hides*

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Well, I can't help you there. I am a complete idiot at math. I technically failed Pre-Cal, but they passed me with a 70 because I was being tutored several times a week. My dad managed to get me taken out of the class when I started getting sick from the stress. So, unless it's adding and subtracting, I'm not your girl. :P

[dakoda.livejournal.com]

Don't feel sad about the tutoring thing! So you messed up, that's how you learn. Now that you know, you can do it better. I really think you should go for it:)

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks for the support!

[anulyra.livejournal.com]

I've fixed up about 3 couples in my time... they're all married. I have a knack for knowing who will hit it off.

Thomas Edison failed hundreds of times before he made a lightbulb that worked. Where would we be if he had given up? Don't be so hard on yourself. You were an example of Christ to this girl. Maybe you wern't social, but you were a role model and a help.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

That's neat. I have a knack for knowing when people like each other, but that's the end of my abilities.

[helenangel.livejournal.com]

Oooh, I like your user pic! :) I need to come up to your cube and peruse your pictures. The email virus SUCKED MAJOR ASS for me too because that's the primary way we get requests and I was SLAMMED when it came back up. BLEH.

I USED to be open to all methods of finding someone- hell, I've even used internet dating services. The only problem with this is you rarely ever find someone with whom you have compatibility. PLUS, I HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY

HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY (yes, LOTS of highlies)

DO NOT RECOMMEND having a friend fix you up with one of your friends- speaking as the friend who was put in the middle. IT SUCKS. Something goes wrong and suddenly your loyalty for both sides is put to the test. It is the most uncomfortable situation in the world. It's bad enough when you don't even fix them up- when they get together on their own and you're STILL caught in the middle. -sigh-

But I digress. I think the best place to meet someone is in a place where you have an interest- like a forum for a hobby or a bookstore or something. That way you already have a common ground and can usually get a great friendship out of it if nothing else.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yeah- that's a very valid point. Thanks. :)

[keepsmiling74.livejournal.com]

I don't like it. I mean, if I meet someone and I have an interest in them, and a mutual friend/co-worker/etc. steps in to do a little "work", then that's fine. I refuse to go on blind dates. Won't do it. Everyone thinks I'm nuts.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yeah! That's fine. But yeah, blind dates just seem a little too desperate to me.

[night-falls.livejournal.com]

I've been fixed up with a friend of a friend exactly once, and it ended in disaster. however, given the right people, I'm sure it could work.

If you decide to do this, I'd recommend meeting in a fairly large group at least initially (not so small that everyone hears every word you say), and pursuing a friendship first, without treating it as a dating relationship.

Prayerful consideration of this would also be good. I hope you do whatever is right for you in God's eyes :).

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Oh, no one's trying to fix me up right now. Thanks for the advice, though. :) I get the feeling I'll have to deal with this sooner or later, though, so I'll remember this when it happens.

[rawee1.livejournal.com]

Girl, don't be cynical! I have set up two couples, and both have gotten married. One is John's brother with my best friend (I think this worked because they both have similar values.) The other are two of my friends who happen to be like the same person in two bodies- they had both been praying to meet someone when it just clicked in my head. They've been married for 3 years now.

It is possible to meet a really great person on a fix-up. You have to meet your soul-mate somehow, right?

Try not to get too fed up with your well-meaning friends- they're only looking after your best interests. They see good qualities in you, and (hopefully) in this other person, and just want both of you to like each other.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Nobody's fixing me up right now! Thanks, though. :) It would take a really extreme combination of circumstances for me to agree to ANY fix-up. To me that says, "Hey, I'm so pathetic I can't find anyone on my own, will you please coerce some stranger into liking me? Thanks." :P Plus, I don't believe in a relationship for relationship's sake. But that's just me being weird as usual.

[sominfun.livejournal.com]

Brenda-boo,
I think (like you and so many others have said - I'm not anything if I'm not redundant) that meddling, aka fixing people up on dates - blind or otherwise - is a-ok as long as both parties have the heads screwed on straight with their priorities. Obviously it has been successful in the past. I wish dating/building relationships with the opposite gender weren't so awkward at first.

Our local Christian station has been doing a series on singles in the church the past two mornings, and I've been listening especially with you in mind. The main gist of the sermon was that singles should focus on following Christ, and let God handle the rest. I was proud to say (to God and any other driver with his window rolled down this morning) that my single friend Brenda was a great role model of a girl seeking to do just that. Being a recently single girl in the church, I've experienced and can remember how it felt to receive second class citizenship treatment by well-meaning brothers and sisters in Christ. You are not an incomplete set. Christ completes you. You are a wonderful servant of God, seeking to build up and encourage so many of us here in this forum. You aren't missing anything fundamental.

Does this mean that if you are in a good, mature place spiritually that you shouldn't be open to the idea of meeting people through well-meaning friends? If you are personally comfortable with that I think it's fine. I know godly Christians who have turned to Internet dating sites and friends as an avenue to meet potential romantic interests, and as long as you aren't making an idol of the institution of marriage I don't see anything wrong with that. It's all about focus - is it Christ or is it something else? Also I think that it's completely appropriate to pray for a mate within the context of glorifying God and as long as you are content. You can want more and work toward something else and still be content in your circumstances. It's all about your heart and your attitude.

And I have this friend....just kidding!

Hugs,
Lauren

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Lauren,

Thanks for your wisdom and nice words. I'm so encouraged and humbled that you think I'm doing the single thing right. :) What kinds of things have they been saying on the show? I'm interested.

Yeah, I agree that there's nothing wrong with fix-ups, in the circumstances you described. I just don't want things to happen that way. I definitely pray for a mate, but I'd rather things develop naturally. Maybe that's what bothers me about fix-ups. They're so unnatural. It's like shoving the whole "Do I like this person?" question at you the minute you meet the person, instead of letting it come on its own. Anyway, I love to read your thoughts on these things. Thanks. :)

[mzspearz.livejournal.com]

I'm not opposed to fix-ups exactly....just...I don't like them (so far, but of course, none of them have ever actually happened, lol). Anyway, if it's through a trusted friend who is helping me find "The One," then I don't mind so much. However, the ones I have gotten have been because they have boyfriends & think that just because I don't have someone, I MUST be unhappy (uh, NO). So although I'm not opposed to the ones that have TRUE meaning...the ones that happen because of some false information are not welcome. I think any way that helps you to find that special someone is never a bad way....though it may not be for everyone.

People can't seem to grasp the concept of wanting a relationship based on more than fuzzy feelings and a mutual desire to not be single.

AMEN to that! I don't look just for feelings...he's gotta be stable in a career & show signs that he is able to support me, etc. Lately I've heard Jason Mraz's "The Remedy (I Won't Worry)" on the radio & there's a line that says When I fall in love/I take my time/There's no need to hurry when I'm makin' up my mind. It hit me really hard the other day cuz it just makes sense! Why hurry & rush into "falling in love" & then end up arguing with your husband for years (& maybe divorce) cuz you just "couldn't wait!" Wait & make sure it lasts!

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

However, the ones I have gotten have been because they have boyfriends & think that just because I don't have someone, I MUST be unhappy (uh, NO).

And amen to that! I mean, not that it's a bed of roses being single, but it IS possible to find some contentment in other things. Sheesh. :)

Thanks for your response! You always know where I'm coming from on these issues. It's comforting to know I'm not alone. :)