brought to you by the letter F

[chestnutcurls]

My co-worker friend Cortney is finally back from her medical leave! It's a happy, happy day around here. The temp who had been her replacement for six weeks was not a pleasant guy to be around. He had a very arrogant attitude about work, like we all owed him something. Plus, for the last week or so that he was here, he spent most of his time arguing on the phone with his ex-girlfriend. From the side I was forced to hear, it sounded like he had messed her up pretty badly. He was a scary guy. I'm glad my friend is back in his place. :) She looks healthy, happy, and well-rested. I wonder if a long leave would do me that much good.

I was thinking about families last night, and it hit me afresh what a huge responsibility it is to have children. Sometimes I worry that maybe I'll never get to have children, but sometimes I think it might be better that way. I'd rather miss out on that experience than have a child and make a terrible mistake in their upbringing. Families are so precarious. Little mistakes or offenses can cause drama that lasts for decades. Everything that happens to a child has a ripple effect, and who knows who that ripple will touch, or when. It's scary.

Tonight I really need to practice my flute. I sound awful in the Christmas music practices because I haven't looked at the music at all outside of practice; plus, the other flutes and I are going to try a flute quartet, so I need to work on that. I've had a hard time because the other two regular flutists are really in tune with each other (pun intended) and I'm on another plane. I was "raised," musically, by a band director who didn't like woodwinds. I learned to be seen but barely heard, always taking a backseat to the brass. The other church flutists are the complete opposite. They're loud and proud. Where I was taught to take high notes down an octave for tuning purposes, they take everything up. There are other style differences that I can't define. I don't feel inferior to them, just really different. They sense this and have been nice about it. In high school, we had philosophical discussions about this type of thing. "If you had to go to another band, would you conform to their methods, or try to teach them your methods?" :) I'm looking for the middle ground.

I've been out of baking soda for several weeks, so I couldn't wash my face with my usual baking-soda scrub. I finally replenished my supply. My face feels so great today. :)

Oh, I forgot to mention that I watched the special features on the Two Towers video, including the Return of the King preview. I am beyond excited about this film. You have no idea. I'm going to be crying all the way through it.

Comments

[laura8225.livejournal.com]

Yay for Return of the King! I got really excited at the part where Elijah was saying that the third movie is better than the first two combined. It's going to be great!

[thetenthshadow.livejournal.com]

It's been an awesome set of movies so far. I'm just waiting to see Eowyn kick some arse :)

[anulyra.livejournal.com]

That's another reason why I'm scared of becoming a mom. I'm afraid I'd really mess it up. I don't have patience for crying babies or backtalk. (don't go telling me about raising them to respect us and they won't backtalk - I know I'd fail at that) The whole thing just terrifies me.

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

You know, for years I was like, "I'm not having kids" because they were scary to me, too. I didn't want to be worried all the time. I've been getting more used to the idea, now, though, and I think what helps me are these points:

a) Raising godly children is what MOST married couples are called to do, so it's something God probably wants me to do, and I want to please God.

b) You don't have to do it alone. You have a capable husband to help you out, and to be the head of the household. You can go to him with questions and he is the one responsible for the discipline and decisions about the kids.

c) You also have God on your side, just as you do with everything. Things often seem scary when they are in the future, but when you're right there dealing with them, God provides and gets you through it.

d) It's true that mistakes can affect a child for a lifetime, but it's also true that they are resilient. I'm sure my parents made tons of mistakes, but I turned out okay, and so did many of us. Again, we all have God working on our behalf, to combat human error. Also, you can see that in your marriage mistakes are made and worked through, so the same can happen with kids. Marriage is a huge commitment, but you're managing, right? And you're better for it. It is rewarding and worth the effort. I think kids are the same.

Long comment. :)

[nikichick4.livejournal.com]

I worry about having kids one day all the time.

How do you teach a kid to read, or potty train? I can't believe I'm gonna have to wipe the kids butt! I swear I babysat once and had to change a diaper/wipe the kids butt and I was gagging the whole time. I guess it's maybe different if it's your kid though.

The responsibilities are scary...but everyone seems to get through them...more than once too!

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yeah. It's going to be fantastic. They showed how they filmed the Battle of Pelennor Fields and I had chills. :)

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yeah, kids are always going to backtalk to a degree. Even the most respect-oriented parent can't get that out completely. :) I think Jessica is right in pointing out that you're not doing it alone- that does make it less scary. And God does give grace. I think you'd be a good mom, but obviously I understand and share your fears.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you've decided to have kids after all, because you're going to be the coolest mom I ever saw. :) And, like my mom always says when I ask why they wanted kids so early in their marriage, "Love makes you want strange things." :)

I guess the thing that scares me most about kids is the schooling issue. I know I couldn't homeschool, but I read more and more articles nowadays about how "Putting your child in a school means you are totally irresponsible and are destroying your child via your own laziness!!!" I mean, I'm pretty sure that with God's help I could raise a child the way I was raised. But doing it by today's Christian standards is something else again. Grace, anyone? :P I don't mean to start a homeschool debate here, we've been over that, I'm just saying that's what scares me.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I already know it is different with your own kid. Love makes it bearable. I've learned that from having to do gross tasks for the bunny and the cat. :)

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

Yes, this is something I ponder, too. I don't feel like I'm capable of home schooling kids.. I don't even remember what adverbs and participles are! I think there are so many options, though, that use a combination of schooling. Maybe private school, public for part of the day, homeschooling some subjects and sending them to school for some subjects. It won't be an easy decision, but it's not like once you make it you're doomed and locked. You can work with the situation and alter it as needed. Also, as women, we get to rely on our husbands to make the final decision. Woohoo! :)

[anulyra.livejournal.com]

Hi. Obviously we haven't met. I'm Jennifer BabyPhobia. ;) ::shakes your hand::

There's more to my fears than what you've read here. Jason isn't much of a leader. I hate doctors and pain. My parents were not much of an example, at least not one that I want to follow.

I hope to be as encouraged as you are, and soon, cuz' I'm 30 now. eek! I should be getting this over with if I'm gonna do it at all.

Marriage is great. I don't have to mold Jason's personality and morals.

I think that my child rearing fears stem from having a crappy step-father. Come to think of it, I bet the birthing/doctor part scares me because of him too. *sigh*

(sorry if I sound negative, this is a real anxiety-point for me)

[mszimbolist.livejournal.com]

Little mistakes or offenses can cause drama that lasts for decades. Everything that happens to a child has a ripple effect, and who knows who that ripple will touch, or when. It's scary.

it has always scared me; that is the entire reason I've gone back and forth with the theory that I would never have kids. Jon sees it in very black and white terms, maybe because he's never had to deal w/many real issues with kids, and just says it's selfish not to have kids. well, sorta. yes. I can see that too.
but gosh. it's so huge. when even my perfect parents can have me, with our very major issues for several years... how could I ever raise decent children who didn't hate the world? EVER?