The Beauty and the Mess

A while back, someone in weddingplans recommended The Conscious Bride. It was about $1 used on Amazon, so I bought it. I've read several chapters and have mixed feelings about it. It's mostly liberal psychology, but there are a few nuggets of truth. One of the main points is that people fail to realize the loss inherent in marriage - loss of your own family, independence, the identity you've had all your life, etc. Many people don't want to acknowledge these issues, so they use the wedding planning to absorb their sad feelings. Then they wonder why they burst into tears for no reason. Sounds familiar. :P This doesn't mean that you aren't happy about getting married, just that you're dealing with the natural flip side of things. Another point was that it's important to spend time with friends before the wedding, so they can sort of "say goodbye" to you as a single person, since things will be different once you're married. That makes sense. At the same time, though, I want to continue being me. Yes, I'll be a wife and Evan will be my priority (yay! :) ), but I don't plan to stop talking to my friends and family. Wow, this soapbox is old...I hope it doesn't collapse under me.

In a similar vein, Debra called last night to ask me to come to Nashville this weekend. I was planning to go to the Homecoming game and to the fair (since it'll be my only chance to go), so I told her I couldn't. She was upset. I've since e-mailed and offered to come in a few weeks instead. When I mentioned her call to my mom, she indicated disappointment that I was "too busy" to see my sister. Now I feel terrible and selfish. It would be fun to see her and go shopping and stuff...it's just such short notice, I already had plans, and I'm so tired lately. Seriously. I've been in bed by 10 pm for the last three nights, and I still feel lethargic all the time. I am eating okay and taking vitamins, but I now need a Coke to make it through the workday, which is scary. Maybe I have mono or something. :P (ETA: She decided she didn't want anyone to come this weekend after all. Oy.)

Yesterday I finished reading Isaiah. At my speedy quiet-time rate, it took me three months to finish the 66 chapters. Now I'm in James, which I've realized is one of my favorite books of the Bible. It's encouraging and practical. Yay James!

I had other topics to discuss, but it's time to get back to the data checking. I'm hoping to not have to work late, since it's McAlister's night with the guys. My brother goes with us now, which is great. I like hanging out with him.

Happy birthday, Lori! Sorry I thought it was last week. :)

Happy Administrative Professionals Day to my fellow peons! This is one of my favorite workdays of the year. I got a candle and a Goldsmith's gift certificate from my bosses- they're very thoughtful. Did anyone else get presents? We all went to brunch at Cracker Barrel and I had cherry pancakes. Just now, a co-worker brought up some desserts from the dessert festival they're having in building B, and I ate some cheesecake. This on top of the carrot cake someone brought yesterday. And I can't exercise during the next few days. I ought to be oinking. I'm ashamed of myself. :( Actually, I'm ashamed of myself for a lot of things today. Why can't God just make us perfect right away so we don't have to spend our lives agonizing over our screwups? Why can't I obey Him perfectly, behave rightly toward everyone, and happily eat rice cakes for every meal? Sigh.

My hair appointment is tomorrow and I'm feeling kind of sad about cutting my hair. Sometimes the longness is nice and romantic, and it's fun to swing it out of my way. But most of the time it's a frizzy, tangled mess, and there's so much of it. I'm only planning to take off a couple of inches, but with curly hair that could turn out as two, three, or four inches once it's dry. The suspense. On a happy note, my mom left me a very generous check for "watching" Kevin, and it included some money for my highlights. So that's an answer to prayer. :)

I have decided that one of the results of getting older is starting to like Shania Twain. My mom has always been a big fan of hers, and Debra and I used to laugh at her. This morning I took her Up CD with me when I left my parents' house and sang along all the way to work. It's not just me- other unlikely people are starting to like her, too. Ryan has a burned CD with some of her stuff. You haven't really appreciated "Forever and For Always" until you've sung it with a friend whose voice is at least two octaves lower than the song. Please don't throw things at me.

I thought I had more to say, but I guess I don't. Maybe later.

It's our six-monthiversary!! I came this close to posting a picture and some Christina Aguilera lyrics, but figured you would all unfriend me for excessive cheesiness. So suffice to say I am continually amazed that God has caused this incredible person to love me, and I hope he always does. :) Tonight he's taking me to dinner at Benihana, and then we're going to Seize the Clay! (Not, you know, The Clay. Though I wouldn't be opposed. :D) I'm already pondering what piece I want to paint and what my scheme will be.

I had a bad night last night. The Tigers lost to St. Louis in the first round of our conference tournament (what the heck is a Billican?) We watched the game at Huey's and I ate pie, proving again that I have no discipline. I talked to Luke about my beach trip plan, and he can't go. Chris was belligerent because of the game, and another guy showed up and started smoking, requiring that I wash my hair when I got home after 11:00, leaving no time to pick up Epsom salts or soak my foot in said salts, meaning that I have another day and evening of my foot hurting. On top of it all, Evan was suddenly invited to go on an off-roading trip this weekend, so now I won't see him at all (and next weekend he'll have to work again). At least my sister is still in town, so maybe she and Ryan will want to do something. I'm also sad because Ryan is a lot closer to her than to me now, and I've already had too much experience with friends drifting apart. I'm afraid that whatever it is is my fault, but don't know what to do about it.

Today already looks better, though. I'm taking care of some work things, and I have tonight to look forward to. Because I feel like I owe you guys something after all this emotionality, here's a random poll. ( ??? )

It really irritates me when people, upon seeing that I am sick, hold things up in front of their faces while talking to me, even though I am standing a good five feet away. I have a non-contagious sinus problem...not leprosy. Thank you very much.

Yes, I am even sicker today. This is great because I will spend tonight and tomorrow smushing in the backseat of a car with my two siblings, who will likely talk nonstop and probably use me as a pillow. At the end of the journey, I will spend several nights sleeping on the couch in my grandmother's smoky, dark house. Then we will turn around and drive fifteen hours straight to get home. Did I mention I'm not happy about this trip? I'm really not happy about this trip. I want to leave now because the sooner we go, the sooner we can come back. I have to get a better attitude. My extended family is getting older and who knows how much time I'll have with them. And I guess the wedding festivities will be fun. I've just been torn away from my friends and a restful five-day weekend for all but two Thanksgivings of my life, and I am tired of it.

Evan is going off-roading in Arkansas while I'm gone. I'm glad, because he hasn't gone in a long time and I know he's itching for the trails. Unfortunately I didn't get to say goodbye to him last night because he had to work on the truck, in preparation. We will be apart for six days, counting today. This is the longest separation since we've been dating. I am very sad. If you find that sickening, rest assured that the small part of me not infested with cartoon hearts agrees with you. :) At least we'll get to talk. I love you, nationwide calling plan.

Anyway, I hope you all have great, fun, relaxing Thanksgivings full of love and turkey. As a parting gift, here's a poll.

( Poll Time )

Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with me these days. I keep screwing things up at work. Often, I have to copy two or three documents and accompanying letters at the same time, put them in their correct envelopes, and then send the correct copies to the correct people. This is my job- I've been doing it for a year and a half. But lately, I've developed some sort of dyslexia. A few weeks ago I mixed up two contracts and mailed them to the wrong people. Now I've faxed the wrong cover letter to the wrong copy person. I've been paying a lot of attention lately, trying not to make these mistakes, but somehow I keep doing it anyway. Of course, it doesn't help that people are constantly coming into the copy room and engaging me in conversation and cutting in to make their own copies while I'm frantically trying to count things.

This is not the way to convince my boss that I am not an idiot.

Well, there's a thief in our midst. About an hour ago, I reached into my flip-cabinet for my bottle of Love Spell lotion and discovered that it was gone. After searching to make sure I hadn't misplaced it, I went to alert my co-workers. The Case of the Missing Lotion has now taken over the department. Also, one of my bosses, who keeps a sweater in her cube, keeps finding the sweater in a different place from where she left it. We called security and told them about it, just so they'll have their eyes open if something bigger happens. I'm sad. How lame is it to steal someone's lotion? Out of their cabinet? I really liked that lotion. And it was a present from my mom. :(

Did anyone see Without A Trace last night? I like that show- it's without a doubt the twistiest show on TV. I like having no clue what's going to happen. If you only saw the beginning and end of any episode, you wouldn't even know it was the same story. Last night, I recognized the girl from Ernest Saves Christmas, playing a bit part. I always wondered what happened to that girl.

Lawson showed up unannounced at my door at 10:00 last night, with his Spock costume on. Since I'm still kind of jumpy and wasn't expecting anyone, his knock on the door scared me to death. His costume didn't help. :) It was elaborate and well-done, but scary. Lawson, you need to wear that next Halloween. Seriously.

I've been reading a lot this week- I've plowed through about five books since Saturday. I feel sort of dumb because I usually prefer young adult and children's fiction to anything else. It's not that I can't understand adult-oriented books- I just don't enjoy them as much. But I had a huge revelation about this yesterday. When I wrote my story for creative-writing class, which some of you have read, the complaint from my classmates and teacher was that the two main characters weren't sleeping together. I'm not kidding. They said it was completely unrealistic. They also assumed, based on this, that the characters were high-school age (even though I had written them as college students). When I stopped to think about it, I realized that almost all the adult books I've read (except for Christian ones like Janette Oke's) have sexual content...unless the writer is trying to show how confused and repressed the character is by having him/her stay abstinent. This is annoying. I can't relate to that stuff, and I don't want to read it. So I generally stick to the younger books. I guess this makes me, and my writing, perpetually immature. Watch and see how much I care. :P

Hooray for Friday!

Hi. I don't really have much to say today.

There's nothing I hate more than when I'm going along with my life, seizing the day, accomplishing my own little goals and being happy, and a bunch of events conspire to remind me that the things I see as accomplishments are seen as pathetic by the rest of the world. I want to be Beth, but everyone else wants me to be Jo.

In other news, it's winter in April. And Jessica called me this morning and left me a very fun voicemail. :) And I'm very glad about the events in Iraq this morning.

I've been walking around in a perky Legally Blonde-ish way all day. I think it's because it's beautiful and warm outside, and I'm thus wearing short sleeves and no coat for the first time this year. Wednesday Lunch today was held on my front porch so we could enjoy the weather. :) The windows were open in the apartment, so Gandalf heard my voice and started meowing and pushing on the window screen. Then we went upstairs to see him, and everyone witnessed what I call his "flopping"- he spontaneously collapses on his side in a cute way so that you will pet him. :) I think he was very pleased to have so many visitors in the middle of the day.

My sister reports that my parents are still angry about my California trip. I'm at a loss. I am so, so tired of feeling guilty over this. I complied to their requests (at great cost), and they're still mad. The most frustrating thing is, I know they'll never change their minds about it. Even when I come back alive and unharmed, they're going to hang this trip over my head as proof of my instability for the rest of my life. I want to tear my hair out.

Thinking about that is a quick way to destroy a nice day, so let's talk about something else. I just won these shoes! My favorite pair of work shoes fell apart last week, but I found these and they're almost exactly the same. So that's a blessing. :)

I can't think of anything else.

I feel like I have been away from LJ forever. So much to tell. Where do I start?

I am feeling better. However, my sickness was a major issue over the last few days. Last Friday night, my mother called to inform me that I was not allowed to come to the house or spend any time with the family, lest they catch my Horrible Mysterious Illness (which turned out to be a totally noncommunicable sinus infection). She said that she would "see" if I could come home on Christmas Eve, depending on how I was feeling. My Miami grandmother and cousin had just arrived in town, so needless to say, I was sad and hurt. To cheer me up, Kathy, Daniel, and Evan took me to McAlister's. Then Evan and I watched Boondock Saints, which was sort of interesting.

Saturday was mainly spent lying around with Kathy and Em, as I was too tired to do much. Sunday was the same, except for church, lunch with Kathy and Em, and watching Wayne's World with aardwolf. On Monday I took a sick day and dragged myself to the doctor, who kindly provided me with Z-Pack and large purple pills which (finally) enabled me to breathe. :) Later we went to Kathy's family's house to watch her 19-month-old nephew, Brendan. We tried to teach him our names, but mine confused him because it's too similar to his own name. Eventually he decided to call me "Binnie." :) Around dinnertime, my family called my phone wondering where I was. I told my mother that I was officially not infectious. After much pleading from Debra, she agreed to let me come over, but then wouldn't talk to me when I got there. Debs was disgusted with her, and came to spend the night at the apartment just to escape the Madre Madness.

On Tuesday, Debs and I did some shopping. I dropped her off at the house, came back home to take Evan to the airport for his trip to New Hampshire, and then went back to the house again. I was allowed to spend the night and see my family. We went to Christmas Eve service, which was nice.

And then yesterday was Christmas! Here are some pictures of stuff I got. :) My mother always wraps a baby Jesus and makes us open it last, which my cousin found to be pretty funny. We went to the movies and saw Santa Clause 2, which was cute, if a little weird. :) Then we came home and had Christmas dinner complete with honeybaked ham, homemade bread, cranberries, and mashed potatoes. It was wonderful. After dinner we watched Mr. Deeds, which I had not seen before and loved immediately. If you haven't seen it, you should! Then I went home and opened presents with Kathy and Daniel. Kathy's parents got me a set of retro plates from the Pottery Barn that have pictures from old movies on them. Very cool. (Picture forthcoming.) They also got me a ticket to see Annie at the Orpheum next month! I am so excited. And, they got Kathy a PlayStation 2!! Which is really for both of us, since it's in the apartment! I love Kathy's family. :)

Gandalf got plenty of toys for Christmas, among them his new collar. It has a little bell on it, so he can't sneak up on us anymore. I think this makes him mad. :)

I have more to say, but my director is sending me home early. :) So I will have more news tomorrow. Believe me.

Yay Friday! Yay Jeans Day! Yay sunshine! :)

I have added a poems page to my webpage! I want to add many others, but I don't have my old "favorite poems" notebook with me, so for now this is it. :)

Friends last night was disappointing. It just wasn't as good as I expected, and I felt like they could have done without a lot of things. Did anyone else feel this way?

Tonight we're going to the fair! I get to eat Pineapple Whip and ride the Ferris wheel! I may even be daring and go on the Ring of Fire with Kathy and Em. I have never been on anything more wild than a Tilt-a-Whirl (and that was one of my more traumatic life experiences :)), so this is a big step for me. :)

It makes me really angry the way people in power are treating the President these days. He's had a more difficult Presidency so far than anyone has had in a long time, but his own colleagues aren't supporting him. He's a decent, moral guy who's just trying to do his job, and I like him a lot! So everybody quit slandering him! Sheesh!

I didn't really like the Friday Five today, so I'm going to do this ( music thing )