The Beauty and the Mess

Nine days! We're in single digits!!! :D

I am so keyed up and full of thoughts that I could probably write here all day. I keep thinking of topics to write about. But I don't have time for that, and neither do you. :) People keep asking me, "So, is everything taken care of?" and I really don't know. I'm printing out the programs a few at a time, and we're going to hole-punch and ribbon-tie them on Friday night after my bachelorette party. My mom is still working on the table centerpieces and has rented a unity candle stand. I need to make the pen for our guestbook; I bought a nice black gel pen and a fake rose, and I'll use floral tape to make a flower pen. (Maybe two just in case.) I need to pack for our honeymoon, and I need to finalize who's taking care of Gandalf. I have a manicure/pedicure appointment. I have the presents for my bridesmaids (which I need to wrap, and write cards for). What am I forgetting? Help!

One thing on my agenda, after we come home as Mr. and Mrs. :), will be figuring out ways for me to make money on the side. We got our car insurance quote yesterday, and it wasn't as bad as they had told us - it was worse. The important thing is that we'll still be in the black, but not far enough for my taste. I've been hoping for some sort of upward mobility at work and have been working toward that end, but the signs aren't great. So I need to think of other opportunities in case we get into a pinch. A couple of my friends in the church band play Christmas and Easter programs at other churches and get paid for it. Maybe I'll ask them about that. Right now I don't think I'm good enough to be hired as a professional, but maybe I could be if I practiced more.

Tonight there's an early Thanksgiving dinner with our Thursday night Bible study. It will be fun. I made another pumpkin pie for it, this one from a recipe in one of my new cookbooks. Oh, you know that Southern Living cookbook I was so excited about? It should be called the Weight Gain Cookbook. Seriously. I was reading it last night while Evan watched TV, and the recipes looked so good, but then I'd look at the ingredients and plotz. It was like, "Ooo, look at this shrimp linguine...Two cups of heavy cream?! One cup of butter?!?" It's like that Cooking Light Magazine, which always has something totally unhealthy on the cover, usually involving cheese and bacon. Meanies.

I could go on, but I need to work now. :)

Today is my negative-one-monthiversary! Yay! :D

It occurred to me recently that my constant gushing about the wedding is a little insensitive, so I apologize if it upsets anyone. That's not my intention, obviously. I only get to have this time of my life once (Lord willing), and I can't help but be happy and excited. Plus, I think people prefer gushing to complaining, so for those of you who were around during my complaining years, this is your payback. :)

This morning I ordered our favors, got a final bill from the florist, and made a hair appointment (at last!). I've been thinking about my makeup for the wedding. Our Mary Kay lady is going to do my makeup for free, but I'm not sure I want her to anymore. When we did the trial run, I felt like a cross between Edward Scissorhands and a clown. I probably looked okay, but it was definitely more makeup than I'm used to. I thought it was the new products, but now that I've been applying them myself for two months, I can see that it's just her. I could ask her to be less heavy-handed on the wedding day, but she might not listen. I don't want to offend her - it is really nice of her to do this for free. What should I do?

My flute is fixed and ready for practice tonight. I e-mailed our band guy to let him know, and he sent a nice reply saying that he never worries about my playing. :) The church's paying for the repairs is such a huge blessing. It encourages me because I feel like it's God's way of saying that my playing means something to Him. Our tiny church band has two other flutes - we make up about a third of the band - and I've always felt kind of unnecessary. Now I know I'm not.

I don't know what to do with this new layout. Something just seems wrong about the colors and I don't have the eye to figure out what should be done. Jessica, any advice?

I am SO busy this week. It's nice, but I wish I had more time to write about things that have been going on. So here are the three main items of the day.

- Tomorrow I'm moving to a new cubicle. It feels like a big change, even though it's a whole ten feet away. On Monday our new hire is starting, and she'll take over this cubicle. It seems appropriate - this is the space for new people. After three years, I will no longer be the youngest and newest person in our department. Part of me feels like my edge will be gone, but I'm starting to like the idea of being an older person around here. I have a good feeling about things at work.

- Some of you may remember our friends Ashley and Kathryn, who got married in March (Ashley is a guy), giving us a queen-sized mattress set a couple of months ago. This was a huge blessing...we all know mattresses aren't cheap. It's still in their garage, because Evan had to build the bed frame before we could take it. With everything going on he hasn't had time, and I was getting tense. My mom had suggested I look for a bed in the want ads, but I never got around to it. Well, yesterday Ashley called me at work and said, "Hey, my boss is giving away a cherry four-post queen bed. Are you interested?" :D So he took the bed to his house, and on Sunday my dad is taking a trailer over and picking up the whole ensemble...in addition to my parents' couch! My parents ordered new furniture, and they decided to just go ahead and give us their old, nice couch while we were moving things. I'll have a couch! People can come over and have somewhere to sit! SO exciting. Also, I may paint the kitchen on Saturday. This weekend will be a huge step toward the New Married People Apartment.

- Last week at church band practice, I could tell as soon as I started playing that something was wrong with my flute. My friend and I examined it and noticed that the key pads are completely worn down. My flute hasn't been serviced since my senior year of high school, so I shouldn't have been surprised. Repadding usually runs about $200. My friend took me to talk with our director after practice, and he said he'd see if there was anything he could do. A little while ago, he called and said that the church has money set aside and usually contributes $50 toward repairs. That was helpful enough, but then he told me that someone had made an anonymous contribution to the music ministry, and he felt that part of that money could pay the remainder of my repair costs. So I'm taking the flute to the music store tonight!

Does God provide or what? He is so good to little undeserving me. It's amazing.

Happy Monday. Our network at work is battling the latest Blaster worm today. Co-workers keep telling our department to turn our computers off, but everything seems fine now, so we're not going to sit here doing nothing. :P I'm tired of the arguing about it, though.

Like most of the friends list, I saw 13 Going On 30 this weekend, and loved it. The soundtrack was awesome! I also saw Man On Fire, which was violent and unnecessarily long (2.5 hours), but powerful and with surprising Christian themes. It's a haunting film, especially considering that violent kidnapping really is a major problem in Latin America. The things we take for granted in the US. I did not rent Love Actually as intended, because I was busy. I went to a dinner-and-auction fundraiser for the youth group at my family's church, and bid on a couple of things which my dad then insisted on paying for. My parents spoil me. :) Then I feel guilty. I don't want them to think I expect that sort of thing.

The flute trio went well. I made a mistake I'd never made before, which was irritating, but Evan said he couldn't tell. Everyone came up to us and said nice things. Amy (one of the other flutes) said God must have put a screen between us and the congregation. But we felt good about it, mistakes and all, so we're going to do it again sometime...and they said it'll be my turn to have first part! It's amazing how my attitude about playing has changed. Of course I liked playing in high school, but it was so stressful. I dreaded anything that put me in the spotlight because I wasn't good enough. Now I'm comfortable, and my flute is a release for me, not a chore. As Garth says, "I like to play."

Evan is off today, so he came to lunch. It was exciting to see him during the day! Tonight he's coming to the library with me; I finished American Gods yesterday. I don't really know what to say about it. About a third of the way through I decided to stop reading it, because it's kind of rough and has a lot of gratuitous immorality. But then the plot started moving along and I wanted to see what happened. Two days later I was finished, which is no small feat since it's about 600 pages. It's definitely interesting, but my bottom-line review is: proceed with caution. :)

Can anyone tell me how to save a picture from this site? It won't let me right click and save as.

Okay, now they're telling us to get off the computers. Aaargh!

Welcome kari_w to the friends list! Woo hoo. :)

Here are my pictures from the weekend. I suddenly remembered to post them on my way home yesterday. :P They're very similar to Jessica's, but I thought you'd all want to see them anyway.

Did you know Ingram Hill is on the 13 Going On 30 soundtrack? It's their song "Will I Ever Make It Home" (which I featured on my 2002 CD). This could finally be their big break. Go, hometown boys! I still haven't seen the movie, but probably will with Debra when she comes home next week. Our group is excitedly anticipating the May movie lineup: Van Helsing, Troy, Shrek 2, and The Day After Tomorrow. I love May.

That "23rd entry" meme inspired me to go back and read some of my old entries. Gosh, I was annoying in the beginning. (Was? :)) It's amazing to see how much has changed from even a year ago, and how different I was. I think I've improved in some areas and gotten worse in others. For instance, my insight and study of the Bible isn't what it used to be. :( In the past I went to at least one Bible study a week. Now I don't go to any, for various reasons, and that bothers me. But it also makes me wonder if I should be that dependent on others' teaching for my spiritual growth. Teaching is good, but shouldn't I be learning on my own? I have Bible time every day, but I don't come out of it feeling instantly changed, like with some talks I've been to in the past. Well, God's always at work even if I can't see it.

Flute practice went well. We finally have an accompanist, a nice and talented lady whom I don't know very well. Her father passed away last week from Alzheimer's, and she was sharing with us about that. She has such a peace about it all. It's amazing and inspiring. I mean, I lost my bunny and I was in worse shape than she seems to be. What a humbling display of faith. Anyway, our piece (Harlequinade- sounds like a drink for clowns) sounds much better with the piano, and I'm excited about playing it. The only problem is that there's nowhere to breathe now that we've got it up to tempo. I'll have to figure something out.

I'm tired today, probably because of the overcast weather. I've been sleeping more to get adjusted to Daylight Savings, but it doesn't matter how early I go to bed...my body still thinks it's 5 am when I wake up. There's no cure for that. :P

We have a nice neighborhood cat who occasionally stalks the door of our building, wanting to be let in. When I went home at lunch it was there, and it greeted me by cutely rubbing against my legs. I suddenly realized that every cat I've ever "met" has done this, except Gandalf. He never has, even when we first got him. What's up with that?

My last band practice before Easter is tonight. Also, I've been signed up to do a flute trio the first Sunday in May, so we'll be having rehearsals for that. It has a lot of tricky rhythms, and I am rhythm-illiterate. After thirteen years of playing, if it's any more fast/complicated than straight sixteenth notes, I have to have it clapped out for me. It's sad.

George was incredible on American Idol last night. His fan base seems to be growing weekly. I'm starting to wonder if he could actually win, and prove that America has taste. :)

I saw the most hilarious Sonic commercial last night. Two guys are in a car ordering low-carb wraps:
Guy 1: So you're doing the low-carb thing, huh?
Guy 2: Yeah...I'm doing some thing. I'm cutting back on my Vitamin E.
Guy 1: Vitamin E?
Guy 2: Everyone's cutting back on something. I figured Vitamin E was a good choice.

I made a poll about perfume, because it was on my mind. ( Follow your nose )

My co-worker friend Cortney is finally back from her medical leave! It's a happy, happy day around here. The temp who had been her replacement for six weeks was not a pleasant guy to be around. He had a very arrogant attitude about work, like we all owed him something. Plus, for the last week or so that he was here, he spent most of his time arguing on the phone with his ex-girlfriend. From the side I was forced to hear, it sounded like he had messed her up pretty badly. He was a scary guy. I'm glad my friend is back in his place. :) She looks healthy, happy, and well-rested. I wonder if a long leave would do me that much good.

I was thinking about families last night, and it hit me afresh what a huge responsibility it is to have children. Sometimes I worry that maybe I'll never get to have children, but sometimes I think it might be better that way. I'd rather miss out on that experience than have a child and make a terrible mistake in their upbringing. Families are so precarious. Little mistakes or offenses can cause drama that lasts for decades. Everything that happens to a child has a ripple effect, and who knows who that ripple will touch, or when. It's scary.

Tonight I really need to practice my flute. I sound awful in the Christmas music practices because I haven't looked at the music at all outside of practice; plus, the other flutes and I are going to try a flute quartet, so I need to work on that. I've had a hard time because the other two regular flutists are really in tune with each other (pun intended) and I'm on another plane. I was "raised," musically, by a band director who didn't like woodwinds. I learned to be seen but barely heard, always taking a backseat to the brass. The other church flutists are the complete opposite. They're loud and proud. Where I was taught to take high notes down an octave for tuning purposes, they take everything up. There are other style differences that I can't define. I don't feel inferior to them, just really different. They sense this and have been nice about it. In high school, we had philosophical discussions about this type of thing. "If you had to go to another band, would you conform to their methods, or try to teach them your methods?" :) I'm looking for the middle ground.

I've been out of baking soda for several weeks, so I couldn't wash my face with my usual baking-soda scrub. I finally replenished my supply. My face feels so great today. :)

Oh, I forgot to mention that I watched the special features on the Two Towers video, including the Return of the King preview. I am beyond excited about this film. You have no idea. I'm going to be crying all the way through it.

You know, inner-city ministry is hard. I hung out with Yolanda after tutoring yesterday, and we had a great time. Then I took her home, and as we looked around at her neighborhood, she was telling me she couldn't wait to move. I couldn't blame her. I met her mom, who did not seem happy to meet me, and I couldn't blame her either. I felt like an intruder, or a fake, or something...a middle-class white girl coming to the hood. I mean, I'm more hoodish than your average middle-class white girl, given my upbringing, but this place was the real deal. I love helping Yolanda, and I wish I could do more, but how can I possibly understand the things she deals with every day? I spent a lot of time last night thinking about race relations. How can we reconcile, and help each other, when our cultures are so completely different? It seems so hopeless sometimes. I'd appreciate any input from other inner-city helpers (Jenn, this means you). :)

While I thought about these things last night, I was cleaning my flute, and the cork under an important key fell off. I have practice tonight and Saturday, and a big performance on Sunday. Great timing. :P The guy at the music store said they could fix it quickly, so I'm taking it there on my lunch break. Good thing there's no Wednesday Lunch today.

I need a flute icon.

FYI: It's good to check the clock on your VCR after Daylight Savings Time. Because if you forget to change it, you will end up taping 24 instead of American Idol, and you will feel very angry and deprived.

( Friends, Family, Love )

Welcome to Memphis, where you can experience two different seasons in two days. (The high was 70 on Saturday. Today it's 40.)

Saturday was beautiful. Kathy, Daniel, Ryan, and I went on a picnic as planned, but we decided to go to Shelby Farms, which was not planned. It was a lot of fun. We ate Subway sandwiches, watched people sailing on the lake, and visited the buffalo (there's a buffalo reserve in the park). :) We took pictures (sorry, don't have the floppy with me right now). Then Ryan and I went to see Bringing Down the House with my family (which was hilarious), went back to their house for dinner, and watched 10 Things I Hate About You on TV. It was a fun day.

Yesterday, a lady in my Sunday School class said that a guy she knows, who works for the CIA, told her that Memphis is one of the top targets for retaliation when the war starts. (*gasping from run-on sentence*) I knew that we were in the top 10 or so, because of FedEx and Northwest, but sheesh. However, he also said that many secret safety measures are being taken right now, so that's comforting. I'm not going to get nervous about it because God's in control, and there's nothing we can do about it.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the incredible fish fry I went to at Daniel's church on Friday night. I ate two platefuls of fried and baked fish, and wonderful hush puppies, and was generally the happiest girl in the world. And the best part is, they're having it every Friday of Lent. So I can partake of fish for five more weeks. :)

I stayed at my parents' house last night to bunny-sit. I'm happy to announce that Bun is visibly thinner these days. He almost looks like a normal bunny. I think this will extend his life, because he seems more energetic. He even ran circles around my feet last night, which he hasn't done in years. :)

I practiced my flute yesterday. I hadn't played in about six months. Gandalf went completely ballistic; he rolled around on his back, leapt onto my music book, and climbed onto my arm while I played. I'm not sure if it's because I was really terrible, or because it was a new noise. Or both.

I'm starving.