a squeeze and a sigh and the twinkle in your eye

[chestnutcurls]

Happy fall, everyone! I'm glad that fall is finally here. I'm ready to wear jeans and sweaters, turn off the air conditioning, eat a lot of soup, and go to barn parties. Apparently the soup part has already sunk in, because earlier I was seized with a desperate craving for broccoli cheese soup in a bread bowl. So Ryan and Chris and I are going to McAlister's after work. I get so excited, anticipating food. In fall I'm usually hungry all the time. Oh, let's face it- I'm always hungry all the time. It's a wonder I don't gain 200 pounds.

I'm very happy to welcome raysofhope to the friends list. I have long admired her from afar. :)

Yesterday I had my first tutoring session of the year with Yolanda, and it was excellent! I had concerns, because at the end of last school year, she was mysteriously angry at me and said she didn't want me to be her tutor anymore. But over the summer, she's apparently forgotten whatever it was. She's much cheerier and willing to work. We worked on a TCAP math pre-test, and she flew through it and did a great job! I was impressed and proud. I have a renewed desire to help now that I've been through tutor training. They showed us some statistics from the middle and high schools that these kids attend, and they were staggering. The Memphis City Schools as a whole are failing miserably, but these were especially bad. It takes most kids an average of five years to graduate from the high school. I can't believe the government lets that continue. Anyway, I'm blessed to work with Yolanda. I felt so refreshed after our session.

Lately I'm worried about the difference in my contentment level pre- and post-boyfriend. I should be content in God, not in another person's love. Is it bad, then, that my happiness has skyrocketed in the last few weeks? I mean, being with Evan has eradicated a lot of problems besides frustration at not being with Evan; things like being left out by my friends, feeling hopeless about my future, feeling lonely in general. I don't have to worry about those things now. :D In the past few days I've been slightly annoyed about work and cleaning issues, and it was almost a relief, like "Oh, good, I can still get irritated." Being too happy makes me nervous. I feel like I'm depending too much on a person for happiness, and not enough on God. Am I making any sense?

Okay, now I've definitely talked long enough. :P So as not to end on that crazy note, here's a non-crazy item: we moved Gandalf's cat tower near a window that gets more sunlight. When I went home to eat lunch, he was curled up on the tower, napping in the sun. It was adorable. He hasn't done that since he was a tiny kitten. :)

Comments

[lajea.livejournal.com]

You're cute.... and normal! Don't worry! I think it's perfectly right for you to be "happier" now with Evan than you were without him!

I'm sure Rachael is happier having Jonathan. I know I'm happier having Dustin in my life. If it wasn't such a precious treasure to have someone's love, what would be the point in loving as God asks us to love?

I feel like Christian from MOULIN ROUGE saying, "Air is like oxygen!" :)

My only word of sisterly advice, though, is to ground yourself more and more in your relationship with God. Don't let that go just because a prayer has been answered. This was the hardest thing for me to learn when Dusty and I dated before. And I failed. While we were apart, I grew closer to Christ and I don't want anything to take priority over my relationship with Jesus.

It's not always easy to put Jesus before Dusty. I fully admit that. I'm human and I don't always give Jesus all that I should. But with His help, I do my best. And I encourage you to do the same.

Love Evan and delight in what God has blessed you with. There is nothing wrong with being so happy you make others gag. There is nothing wrong with your grin stretching from ear to ear even when you are dead asleep. Treasure what you have been given.

God likes to give good gifts to His children. He wants you to be happy with what He has provided.

Love and hugs,
Laura

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Laura! That's good and thoughtful advice. :) Thanks for your encouragement! I'm glad I know you.

[lajea.livejournal.com]

Ahhh... you're sweet. :) I'm glad I know you, too!

[calypsobard.livejournal.com]

The powers that wanna be in this city cry about how the schools will be taken over by the state. This woudl be the best thign that could happen to education in this city. The powers that wanna be aren't doing anything for the schools but they want the power and control. wankers.

But hey, we have a NBA basketball team!!!!!

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

LOL. Yeah, I know. I can't wait until we have a better mayor who'll actually take care of this instead of trying to get more money in his pocket while the city falls apart. :P

Kathy sent me a really interesting article (http://www.gomemphis.com/mca/nation_and_world/article/0,1426,MCA_454_2257308,00.html) about how St. Louis is shaping up their schools. I wonder if that would work for us.

[rawee1.livejournal.com]

Makes sense to me- we already get our education law and funding from the state, why not get people from the state to enforce?

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

I feel like I'm depending too much on a person for happiness, and not enough on God. Am I making any sense?

Yes, this whole paragraph makes sense. It's scary to rely on a person for happiness, because then you worry that if something happens to them, you will be incurably unhappy, or something. I was just thinking, today, how the only reason living alone has been fairly bearable is because I have Jonathan to visit me and call on in times of need. But should I? This morning my curlers broke. The on-off switch, I mean. I automatically thought, "Gosh I want to tell Jonathan and maybe he can help me fix it or tell me if I should take it back." Then I was like.. "What? Since when am I incapable of handling my own little girly problems?" I've come to think of Jonathan as my helper for so many little things, and that bothers me, because I shouldn't expect that he can always help me with stuff.

Anyway, I don't know if that makes sense, but I'm pretty sure it suddenly makes me seem all pathetic and needy, but that's not exactly what I was trying to say. :P

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

No, that's exactly what I meant! Thanks for understanding. :) Well, we all know relationships (of any kind) are a risk. Depending on anyone is a risk. I guess we just have to deal with it and trust God. It's scary, though.

[rawee1.livejournal.com]

God brought Evan to you, so be happy in that. It's okay for a person to make you happy. I think that's why he made more than one of us. Maybe one day you can make wonderful Christian children who will add to the multitudes that worship Christ! Love can only be a positive, never let yourself feel guilty for it.

Your love is a celebration of something or someone God made- how can that be bad?

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Thanks for the reality check. :)

[secludedgrrrl.livejournal.com]

Hey, may I add you to my list? :)

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Sure! :)

[chattyfingers.livejournal.com]

Well, God did say "it is not good for the man to be alone." Obviously, God realizes that human companionship is good for us. Not so much that He's not enough, but that something different is better, in addition to. Or something like that. =) Don't worry, be happy. *dorky grin*

[nikichick4.livejournal.com]

Fall? What's that???

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

I like what you said here--that's so right on. I often make comparisons between my relationship (with my boyfriend) and my relationship with God. I think, "Why can't I get as excited and anxious to spend time with God as consistently as I do with Jonathan?" I think all of our relationships, but particularly romantic ones, are an illustration of the enthusiasm God has for us and that we can grow to have for Him.

[mszimbolist.livejournal.com]

I don't think you need to worry about being happier now than you were. I think God designed love to minimize other problems. And I didn't get the idea that you were really fighting God about it beforehand...