The Beauty and the Mess

A while back, someone in weddingplans recommended The Conscious Bride. It was about $1 used on Amazon, so I bought it. I've read several chapters and have mixed feelings about it. It's mostly liberal psychology, but there are a few nuggets of truth. One of the main points is that people fail to realize the loss inherent in marriage - loss of your own family, independence, the identity you've had all your life, etc. Many people don't want to acknowledge these issues, so they use the wedding planning to absorb their sad feelings. Then they wonder why they burst into tears for no reason. Sounds familiar. :P This doesn't mean that you aren't happy about getting married, just that you're dealing with the natural flip side of things. Another point was that it's important to spend time with friends before the wedding, so they can sort of "say goodbye" to you as a single person, since things will be different once you're married. That makes sense. At the same time, though, I want to continue being me. Yes, I'll be a wife and Evan will be my priority (yay! :) ), but I don't plan to stop talking to my friends and family. Wow, this soapbox is old...I hope it doesn't collapse under me.

In a similar vein, Debra called last night to ask me to come to Nashville this weekend. I was planning to go to the Homecoming game and to the fair (since it'll be my only chance to go), so I told her I couldn't. She was upset. I've since e-mailed and offered to come in a few weeks instead. When I mentioned her call to my mom, she indicated disappointment that I was "too busy" to see my sister. Now I feel terrible and selfish. It would be fun to see her and go shopping and stuff...it's just such short notice, I already had plans, and I'm so tired lately. Seriously. I've been in bed by 10 pm for the last three nights, and I still feel lethargic all the time. I am eating okay and taking vitamins, but I now need a Coke to make it through the workday, which is scary. Maybe I have mono or something. :P (ETA: She decided she didn't want anyone to come this weekend after all. Oy.)

Yesterday I finished reading Isaiah. At my speedy quiet-time rate, it took me three months to finish the 66 chapters. Now I'm in James, which I've realized is one of my favorite books of the Bible. It's encouraging and practical. Yay James!

I had other topics to discuss, but it's time to get back to the data checking. I'm hoping to not have to work late, since it's McAlister's night with the guys. My brother goes with us now, which is great. I like hanging out with him.

My trip-recap entry is taking forever to write, so here's a more current one in the meantime. I've felt a little overwhelmed by various things over the last couple of weeks, but today I'm in a better mood and feel like listing some good things.

- Work has been very busy. Yes, this is a good thing, even though it keeps me from working on aforesaid trip entry. I like it when I have actual work to do...it makes my little fears about job security go away.

- Kathy called me last night. Yay!

- Since I got back, Gandalf has been a changed cat. Kathy, Debra, and Ryan all spent time with him last week, so he was never left to starve, but he'd definitely never been alone that much before. It seems that he doesn't want independence after all. :) He's been allowing me to pet him, following me from room to room, meowing happily when I come home, and even sleeping next to me at night. This is how I thought it would be to have a cat. Amazing!

- I finally applied for my passport today.

- Evan bought a car this afternoon! His parents have loaned him (us) some money so he can get a car that won't fall apart. He was off work today, so he went to look at some dealerships that he'd looked at before. Guess what he got? A VW Cabriolet! My dream car!!! It's red, which makes me nervous about the insurance rate, but...it's a Cabriolet! Please pray with us that nothing will happen to this car. I'm planning to pray over it...I'm totally serious. Because if this one gets smashed, I have absolutely no idea what we'll do. This car HAS to last. I'll stop there because this is supposed to be a happy post. :P

- We're going to McAlister's tonight! I will have a chicken grill salad to celebrate the occasion. You have no idea how glad I am to be back in the land of iced tea. I had exactly one good glass of tea in New England. I've probably drunk about three gallons since we got back. One can only take so much Diet Coke.

Happy belated birthday, Hannah! You are well-loved. :)

I thought I'd pop in before leaving work to say that I redesigned! Again. I've never used these colors before and I really like them. They're summery, and a little bit weddingy too.

Also, congratulations to Jessica on her last day of work. I'm proud of you! :)

I took Stacy's excellent suggestion and parked in the back of the building today. Oh, the freedom of walking into the office without anyone there to harass me! I just hope I can remember that I'm parked there now. I've parked in the front for almost three years.

Today my brother and sister came to take me to lunch. We went to McAlister's and I had a chicken Caesar salad, which I'd never ordered there before. It was good.

End of my riveting thoughts. :P

Since it's 3/11, everyone should do their civic duty and listen to a 311 song today. :)

Yesterday morning I stepped on something in my apartment...it may have been a shard from a glass Gandalf broke recently. Whatever it is, it's firmly lodged in my foot, and I can't walk flat-footed because of the pain. I have tried repeatedly to get it out, but I can't find it in there and I am a wimp. Evan thinks I should go to the doctor and have them take care of it, but that seems over-reactionary. We'll see how I feel about it in a few days. :P Ironically, I can walk fine with heels on, so the Rampage shoes are making a comeback.

I watched a few minutes of Jay Leno last night and saw a far-off shot of Elijah Wood getting ready to come out. He was wearing a pinstripe shirt and jeans, and I thought, "Is that Clay?!?" But at least I wasn't too disappointed to find out who it really was. :) He seems like such a great guy. I want to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, mostly because of him. Also, it looks so weird it's bound to be interesting.

I haven't heard it yet, but apparently there's a new local radio commercial about being addicted to McAlister's tea. It goes something like, "I am not addicted. I just pick one up when I'm taking the kids to soccer practice. And sometimes coming back from soccer practice. And on the way to work, and on the way home from work..." Yes, I am not alone.

I say "apparently" way too much. I'm working on speaking more concisely. :P

( American Idol and a survey )

Happy birthday, joy_unspeakable and jjustj! I'm glad to know you both. Wow, lots of October birthdays around here.

Today I am very tired. I went home yesterday and cleaned for two and a half hours. Then I exercised. Then I watched the Dolphins play the Chargers while working on a project. All night I was overemotional about different things- the San Diego fires, the bleach spot on my shirt, my weight, etc. Just before bed I had to take one of my 800 mg ibuprofen for my wrist. I read the information and got seriously freaked out at all the possible side effects. I did not want to take it, but I knew I had to, so I did. It was not a good night. Tonight will be better- it's my McAlister's With Ryan night, I don't have to clean anything, and I get to see Evan. The longer we're together, the more I miss him when we're not together. I am very pathetic.

I still haven't called my long-lost friend Miriam, with whom I reconnected a couple of weeks ago. If I don't call her soon, she'll forget about our meeting or think I don't want to talk to her. I'd like to hang out, it's just hard to fit someone from the past into my current life. I don't know how much fun she'd have with my friends.

My co-worker gave me a bag of candy corn and peanuts this morning. If you eat them together, it tastes like a Pay Day bar. I had never heard of this before, but it's pretty tasty.

I got the REM Greatest Hits CD. The packaging is complicated but cool.

Gee...I wonder if anyone would notice me napping. :)

Happy fall, everyone! I'm glad that fall is finally here. I'm ready to wear jeans and sweaters, turn off the air conditioning, eat a lot of soup, and go to barn parties. Apparently the soup part has already sunk in, because earlier I was seized with a desperate craving for broccoli cheese soup in a bread bowl. So Ryan and Chris and I are going to McAlister's after work. I get so excited, anticipating food. In fall I'm usually hungry all the time. Oh, let's face it- I'm always hungry all the time. It's a wonder I don't gain 200 pounds.

I'm very happy to welcome raysofhope to the friends list. I have long admired her from afar. :)

Yesterday I had my first tutoring session of the year with Yolanda, and it was excellent! I had concerns, because at the end of last school year, she was mysteriously angry at me and said she didn't want me to be her tutor anymore. But over the summer, she's apparently forgotten whatever it was. She's much cheerier and willing to work. We worked on a TCAP math pre-test, and she flew through it and did a great job! I was impressed and proud. I have a renewed desire to help now that I've been through tutor training. They showed us some statistics from the middle and high schools that these kids attend, and they were staggering. The Memphis City Schools as a whole are failing miserably, but these were especially bad. It takes most kids an average of five years to graduate from the high school. I can't believe the government lets that continue. Anyway, I'm blessed to work with Yolanda. I felt so refreshed after our session.

Lately I'm worried about the difference in my contentment level pre- and post-boyfriend. I should be content in God, not in another person's love. Is it bad, then, that my happiness has skyrocketed in the last few weeks? I mean, being with Evan has eradicated a lot of problems besides frustration at not being with Evan; things like being left out by my friends, feeling hopeless about my future, feeling lonely in general. I don't have to worry about those things now. :D In the past few days I've been slightly annoyed about work and cleaning issues, and it was almost a relief, like "Oh, good, I can still get irritated." Being too happy makes me nervous. I feel like I'm depending too much on a person for happiness, and not enough on God. Am I making any sense?

Okay, now I've definitely talked long enough. :P So as not to end on that crazy note, here's a non-crazy item: we moved Gandalf's cat tower near a window that gets more sunlight. When I went home to eat lunch, he was curled up on the tower, napping in the sun. It was adorable. He hasn't done that since he was a tiny kitten. :)