the cliffs of insanity

I'm reading the Princess Bride book for the first time, so the cliffs are vivid in my mind right now...

I apologize in advance for the whininess of this post.

No sooner did I get to work today than I realized I had screwed up something else, completely unrelated to last week's drama. I took care of it and now I'm hoping no one will notice. I'm annoyed at myself, and I can't stand being so anxious and miserable at work all the time. I didn't make any big mistakes for 8 months, and now it's like I've forgotten how to do everything. And there is a pack of hungry wolves out in Beverly Hills waiting for me to mess up something huge.

I'm not sure if this is a result or a cause of my work problems, but I have not felt well for a while. My head and my throat are constantly hurting, and as aforesaid, I want to sleep all the time. It occurred to me yesterday that (heaven forbid) I might have mono, but Kathy says I would have much worse cold symptoms if I did. She thinks the tiredness is psychological, caused by the mundanity of my job. (Not that it's been mundane lately. :P)

Mainly I am going nuts from my own inadequacy. I'm not good enough to do a good job at work. I'm not good enough to love people as I should. I'm not good enough for one of my best friends to find me attractive. The last time I experienced something like this was several years ago, right before I became Reformed; the constant thought of, "Must do better! Must be perfect!" and then doing worse than before. Then I realized that yes, I am screwed up, and there is no way I can ever do better. But Christ did. He was perfect, so I don't have to worry about it. Why am I suddenly unable to apply this to my life?

Now I will stop complaining, and try to say something positive later.

the cliffs of insanity

I'm reading the Princess Bride book for the first time, so the cliffs are vivid in my mind right now...

I apologize in advance for the whininess of this post.

No sooner did I get to work today than I realized I had screwed up something else, completely unrelated to last week's drama. I took care of it and now I'm hoping no one will notice. I'm annoyed at myself, and I can't stand being so anxious and miserable at work all the time. I didn't make any big mistakes for 8 months, and now it's like I've forgotten how to do everything. And there is a pack of hungry wolves out in Beverly Hills waiting for me to mess up something huge.

I'm not sure if this is a result or a cause of my work problems, but I have not felt well for a while. My head and my throat are constantly hurting, and as aforesaid, I want to sleep all the time. It occurred to me yesterday that (heaven forbid) I might have mono, but Kathy says I would have much worse cold symptoms if I did. She thinks the tiredness is psychological, caused by the mundanity of my job. (Not that it's been mundane lately. :P)

Mainly I am going nuts from my own inadequacy. I'm not good enough to do a good job at work. I'm not good enough to love people as I should. I'm not good enough for one of my best friends to find me attractive. The last time I experienced something like this was several years ago, right before I became Reformed; the constant thought of, "Must do better! Must be perfect!" and then doing worse than before. Then I realized that yes, I am screwed up, and there is no way I can ever do better. But Christ did. He was perfect, so I don't have to worry about it. Why am I suddenly unable to apply this to my life?

Now I will stop complaining, and try to say something positive later.

it's may day

I'm feeling okay now. But I would be even better if I had a Maypole to dance around.

Don't forget to go to Baskin-Robbins tonight! I have been anticipating this for weeks. We are going in a huge group to get as much free ice cream as we can stomach. :)

At lunchtime, I went to the mall in search of a night-out dress for summer conference. Instead, I got a t-shirt at the Aeropostale that has cherries on it, for the sole purpose of wearing with my cherry bathingsuit and my cherry flip-flops. I am going to be so cute, they'll outlaw me in several states. (Hopefully not Florida, since that is where I will be, and I'm not sure what they do to you when you've been outlawed.) This cheered me up considerably. Nothing like the pursuit of materialism to raise a girl's spirits... sigh. :) And I still don't have a dress.

it's may day

I'm feeling okay now. But I would be even better if I had a Maypole to dance around.

Don't forget to go to Baskin-Robbins tonight! I have been anticipating this for weeks. We are going in a huge group to get as much free ice cream as we can stomach. :)

At lunchtime, I went to the mall in search of a night-out dress for summer conference. Instead, I got a t-shirt at the Aeropostale that has cherries on it, for the sole purpose of wearing with my cherry bathingsuit and my cherry flip-flops. I am going to be so cute, they'll outlaw me in several states. (Hopefully not Florida, since that is where I will be, and I'm not sure what they do to you when you've been outlawed.) This cheered me up considerably. Nothing like the pursuit of materialism to raise a girl's spirits... sigh. :) And I still don't have a dress.