we could live beside the ocean

[chestnutcurls]

Everclear's "Santa Monica" is one of my favorite songs. I'm not sure why.

So I think I've had it with marriage books. Evan and I have read Reforming Marriage and Each For The Other (we both preferred the latter). Now I'm reading The Excellent Wife. It's stressing me out a little, and Evan suggested maybe I should stop reading it. :P Each For the Other left me feeling optimistic and encouraged about becoming a wife. This book is causing frustration and despair, since I am a sinner and can't possibly attain the perfection that the book models. Also, it seems to be geared more toward women whose husbands are not believers. The main message I'm getting from it is, "Your husband will mistreat you constantly. You must respond in perfect joy and love. The end." It's depressing, especially since Evan is so good to me and so easy to love. Am I supposed to tell myself he's going to turn into a cruel, selfish ogre after the wedding?

I'm also reading a book called Super Foods that I borrowed from Kathy's mom. It's about the fourteen most beneficial foods. I don't usually read diet-y books, but this one is interesting. I already eat most of the Super Foods- blueberries, spinach, salmon, broccoli, and tea are included. Yum! I'm eating so healthily now that I'm on my own. It's great. However, I'll have to start cooking more meat for Evan's sake. I made chicken last night, which I've done maybe three other times in my life. It actually wasn't that hard! Next time I might try Jessica's Sesame Chicken recipe.

My city's government has lost all pretense of sanity. Last week they cut millions of dollars from the county school system, laying off 100 people and cutting out music programs (which always makes me very angry). Yesterday our mayor pulled all funding from the city school system. You read that right- ALL. As in, hundreds of schools now have no money. My boss says he's trying to force a consolidation of the city and county systems, which will mean the official end of Memphis public education. I predict that within two years we'll be like New Orleans, where the schools are so bad that kids have to go to private school to even have a chance. I was sort of planning to put my future kids in private school- now I think I better start saving today. :P It's so discouraging.

Enough hot button issues for one day. :)

Comments

[yakk0dotorg]

city government can't do anything for county schools. That's what the whole consolidation bit is meant to solve. I'm wishing we had shorter mayoral terms. I think king willie is in office till 2008.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know. It's their last ditch attempt to completely ruin the county schools. And seriously, I don't understand how that man is still in office. WHO is voting for him? (Probably dead people.) I've read about Boss Crump, and I think Willie is ten times worse.

[yakk0dotorg]

uninformed voters. Too many people vote for who they're told to vote for, usually in churches. Not to sound racist, but it's true that politicians use black churches to stay in office.

[calypsobard.livejournal.com]

there is no term limit on Memphis mayor. He's here until this city wises up... which i doubt will happen. Its the same crack pot politicians that constantly get elected. I don't think people know any better. My new method of voting in county and city elections is to pick the new person.

what kills me is that memphis thinks it can dictate what happens in Bartlett, Germantown, etc. No taxation without representation... didn't we fight a war over that?

[krikketgirl.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the marriage books. I did want to recommend one that I recently read and that I rather enjoyed, although the authors were definitely coming at it from the perspective of having been pretty much tyrants in their homes before "seeing the light," so to speak. It was called "Every Woman's Desire," though I think it's been republished as "Every Man's Marriage." It's written for guys, and I thought it made several good points for servant leadership in the Biblical pattern of husband as head of the household.

I liked "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Laura Schlessinger, although many disagreed with me.

My friend Meredith is all for "Fascinating Womanhood," which I have not yet read.

There are as many books out there as there are opinions, and while some are pretty right-on, you can't read them without a grain of salt. The one thing that I have learned over and over as a married woman is that my marriage will look nothing like anyone else's, even though we may be following the same guidebook. If you are the people that I think you are, I am confident that you will find a way that is pleasing to you and to God. Read all the books you like, but remember that no book knows you.

*hugs*!

[sovevuni.livejournal.com]

"There are as many books out there as there are opinions, and while some are pretty right-on, you can't read them without a grain of salt. The one thing that I have learned over and over as a married woman is that my marriage will look nothing like anyone else's, even though we may be following the same guidebook."

Very well said! I heartily agree.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

:) Good thoughts as always. We had a roommate in college who was all about Fascinating Womanhood, too, but when I tried reading it, it infuriated me. In my opinion it makes The Excellent Wife look like a women's lib manual. :P

[krikketgirl.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine suggested Fascinating Womanhood...it finally came in yesterday, so I settled down to read it...there are a few good underlying principles, but in the main it was absolute twaddle. Your marriage stinks? It's all your fault. Obviously, you have lost your womanly charm. How to change it? Pretend you're listening when he talks, but don't worry your pretty little head about what he's actually saying. Don't you dare move furniture! That will erode your femininity. Why would any woman ever want to talk about anything with others besides recipes and cute children? Oh, and speaking of things like that, don't expect to be able to work, even from home, because that would cut into valuable housecleaning time! So, apparently, my writing books is anathema to my marriage because when I'm doing that, I'm not properly paying attention to my real work. Gag me, with a spoon yet. I'm planning to write a long entry on this. Grrrr....

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah. What's that quote about "a book that should be thrown with great force?" :P

[mrszoid.livejournal.com]

Wow, I'm glad I checked back on this thread - I was about to look up Fascinating Womanhood.

[mrszoid.livejournal.com]

The sesame chicken is great and very easy! Josh was so impressed with it that he's going to try cooking it on his own for his mom and neighbors tonight, and this is coming from a man who sincerely believes he can survive on tuna fish sandwiches!

Do you have recommendations for books for women are getting serious in their relationship?

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks for the good review of the recipe! :)

Gosh, I don't know. Exciting of you to ask, though. :D It's not a how-to book or anything, but I thought A Severe Mercy was amazing. It's the story of a couple who had this incredible courtship and life together, and then became Christians, and it talks about how that changed their relationship. They were friends with CS Lewis. Pretty cool stuff.

[aftondays.livejournal.com]

I have heard good things about The Excellent Wife, but haven't read it yet. That's a bummer that you're finding it depressing!

Jonathan didn't turn into an ogre after we got married, so Evan is probably safe, too. ;)

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the reassurance. :)

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

May I rec some marriage books? (I think 15 years of success is a good start)

1) For Better or For Best by Gary Smalley. Any of Smalley's books are good, but this was given us by our pastor's wife.

2) The Marriage Masterpiece by Al Janssen. Fascinating look at the Biblical history of marriage, famous Biblical marriages and modern couples.

And while it's from a Jewish PoV, Dr. Ruth's Guide for Married Lovers was instrumental in getting our mismatched love-life on track.

Also The Family Book of Sexuality by a pair of Quakers (i've forgotten their names, but will track it down tonight) was quite helpful.

And Flylady.com I'm a rotten housekeeper, and the Flylady helps me stay on target.

As for local stuff, I understood the whole idea was to dispose of public schools in toto.

You can always home school.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Thanks for all the recs. :)

Because of my complete lack of teaching skills, I feel that I'd be doing my kids a disservice by homeschooling them. Especially in the math department. :P But who knows, I might feel differently by then.

[synapticknob.livejournal.com]

Brenda you could not do worse then the system. The system want to undermind parents and teach parents that they know best and that has gotten education so off track. Parents are looking to schools to raise their children so they no longer have too and can go play golf and shop instead

[stacye13.livejournal.com]

"Your husband will mistreat you constantly. You must respond in perfect joy and love. The end."

GAG, Sounds like something DR. PHIL would say.
And, so far, that hasn't happened to me - he even still loved me when I was fat! :)

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

:) lol

[rawee1.livejournal.com]

I agree- the marriage books can be disheartening, especially when you're reading the Christian ones (they tend to be depressive).

I do, however, like "The Case For Marriage", which discusses the good reasons for getting married, like finances, society, and mental and physical health. It's more positive, but still a little scary. Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher

I think this country has lost sight of what it really means to be married.

P.S. I'm so glad we're having a non-denom ceremony and no "obey"s.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Sounds really interesting! I'll look that one up.

[the-storygirl.livejournal.com]

The music program where I live is going down the tubes too. It makes me so mad because they spend all this money on sports, and the things that can really improve kid's minds (such as music) gets left.

[the-storygirl.livejournal.com]

By the way, you'll make a wonderful bride. :)

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

:) Aww, thanks.

[carries.livejournal.com]

Am I supposed to tell myself he's going to turn into a cruel, selfish ogre after the wedding?

Fraser was sweet and kind before we got married, once we got married I was bowled over at his Christ-likeness towards we. He is so easy to live with and to love! And I am sure Evan will be the same. :) As if you thought otherwise.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

:)

[anulyra.livejournal.com]

GREEN tea girfriend, not sweet tea. ;)

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Shhhh!!!! lol

[enjoythemoment.livejournal.com]

I heard "How to get your Sex Life Off to a Great Start" was really beneficial...I think that's the title.. :) Read it!

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks. I have also heard Intended for Pleasure is highly recommended.

[ex-lifeofbri692.livejournal.com]

good sermons on marriage...
http://lite.marshillchurch.org/site/mp3_audio/sermons/practical_topics/marriage/

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Nice icon. :)

[ruthieroo.livejournal.com]

You know, I already felt "burnt out" just from the few pre-marriage relationship books I'd read (and that was before anything was official between Jonno and I)...i.e courting/dating/"whatever you call it just do it THIS way or you're in trouble" books.;-) So the last thing I felt like doing was reading marriage books. I didn't. Neither did Jonno. Thus far we have suffered no ills because of it. Seriously, I think reading the Bible separately and together both prior to and during marriage has got to be the most wonderful thing. Because it shifts your focus to the bigger picture--to God, to how He wants to use the two of you together (I love that word, don't you??) toward His glory. Seek first the kingdom of God...and everything else will be added unto you. That whole bit...it applies to so many areas. Seek God...and all the little things WILL fall into place.

P.S. no signs of post-marriage ogre-age immerging from my husband yet.:-P

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

:) Thanks Ruthie! I always love your comments. I'm so glad married life (in a new place!) is going well for you. :)

[rawee1.livejournal.com]

I kind of think that our schools are already like that.
Sadly, it's mostly the socioeconomic status and poor culture that's lost the children, not the schools. The parents don't speak English and can't balance their checkbooks, and we expect the children to?

There are 2 public schools I'd send my kids to in Memphis.
But I won't. My kids are going to private school from preschool on. My parents will help pay for private schooling.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

That's good! I have no idea how we would pay for it. We'll just see how things are then, I guess.

[ex-seagazer118.livejournal.com]

Yesterday our mayor pulled all funding from the city school system. You read that right- ALL. As in, hundreds of schools now have no money.

Isn't that illegal since taxes are paid specifically for school funding? Oh yeah we're talking government here. Never mind.

What's the reasoning behind forcing the consolidation of the city and county systems?

[synapticknob.livejournal.com]

taxes are paid specifically for school funding?

Sorry but I would bet you are the product of public education I think you should investigate this topic a little more. I am glad some people do not vote not saying you do not but if you do you scare me

[synapticknob.livejournal.com]

nevermind you are forgiven you live in NC that explains it all. do you think JIM HUNT was a good governor?

[synapticknob.livejournal.com]

Education

All teaching is related to basic assumptions about God and man. Education as a whole, therefore, cannot be separated from religious faith. The law of our Creator assigns the authority and responsibility of educating children to their parents. Education should be free from all federal government subsidies, including vouchers, tax incentives, and loans, except with respect to veterans.

Because the federal government has absolutely no jurisdiction concerning the education of our children, the United States Department of Education should be abolished; all federal legislation related to education should be repealed, including but not limited to "Goals 2000," "Outcomes-Based Education," "School-to-Work," "Success by Six," and other similar programs. No federal laws subsidizing or regulating the education of children should be enacted. Under no circumstances should the federal government be involved in national teacher certification, educational curricula, textbook selection, learning standards, comprehensive sex education, psychological and psychiatric research testing programs, and personnel.

http://www.nccs.net/newsletter/nov00nl.html

This is one that I read on line and thought was interesting

[greenhornet.livejournal.com]

I really like mr. Eller

http://www.hccentral.com/eller13/index.html