giving my brush to the peach ('cause he's got hair)

[chestnutcurls]

I have no hair. Okay, that's an exaggeration. But I have significantly less than I did yesterday. I needed a haircut. I was going to get JP to cut it for me. She wasn't available. So I got Kathy to do it.

She did a great job, having never cut hair before, let alone curly hair. The problem was, the curls kept escaping her. So she had to cut a little more to even it out. And then it still wasn't even, so she had to cut a little more. And I ended up with hair about an inch above my shoulders, which is (I think) the shortest it has ever been. I like it, I think. It has sort of a flip to it. I took digital pictures this morning, but I can't load them onto this computer, so I will have to do it at home and post them tomorrow.

Anyway, I am worried that a certain person will think I look bad. That got me thinking about all the time I spend worrying about my looks. I wonder- have I become one of those superficial, self-absorbed Gap girls? I sure hope not. I need to be focusing on First Peter 3 beauty; instead I'm fixing my hair and buying more clothes. And it's all to please a person who cannot be pleased, when I should be living to please Christ.

Guys, what do you want from us? If we don't put much effort into our appearance, you say we're sloppy. If we put too much effort into it, you don't want us because we're "too stuck on our looks." But if we are, it's because you won't like us unless you think we're pretty. We just want you to think we're pretty. But you won't give us a chance, because however hard we try, we cannot fit your "type."

Any other girls struggle with this? Any of the guys have an explanation?

Comments

[aardwolf.livejournal.com]

It's far from an "explanation", but I've always been a sucker for the pretty girl that doesn't know she's pretty. There's also a broad area between being "sloppy" and "stuck on your looks". Obviously, a girl that doesn't bother to even brush her hair has deeper problems (or maybe she's just tired of trying to impress people.) The same could be said for someone that pays too much attention to themselved. The best advice I can give is "be you". If that's not good enough, then he doesn't deserve you.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

But when you think a girl does spend too much time on her looks, do you just assume she's conceited? How does that work?

Thanks. :)

Re:

[aardwolf.livejournal.com]

Yes, I do assume she's conceited. But spending "too much time on her looks" in my opinion is only to the extreme (i.e. when she has to leave during a meal to check her hair...) Obviously, we all want to look good to members of the opposite sex (unless some of us don't swing that way), and however much a person does at home to make that happen is totally fine with me. It just irks me when girls "freshen up" and the like.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

I would never do anything like that. So I guess I'm okay (at least in your book). :) And I don't spend a lot of time fixing myself when I'm alone, either. I just spend a lot of time worrying about it, which I have thought is just as bad.

[yakk0dotorg]

I got an easy explaination. Be yourself. Most guys worth anything prefer that to the fake "Gap girl" thing. If he wants a Gap girl then he will change his opinions eventually.

Another thing...don't expect guys to be mind readers. We have a hard enough time reading our own mind. The majority of us do not get hints, no matter how clear you think you've made it. I know that unless it's written in plain english right in front of my face I will miss it.

And don't play games. Say what you mean and mean what you say. :) Little mind games are never good and tend to frustrate guys because we think we're doing right, but then it gets turned around on us.

anyways, that's my opinions from my experiences.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yes, and many of those experiences were shared by me, if you recall. :)
I am not fake. If I ever was, I would be completely disappointed in myself. And I am not playing any games. I am just sad that I don't seem to be good enough, and frustrated at myself for trying so hard, when my attitude ought to be "if he doesn't like it, he can shove it." I have been praying that God will remind me that His Son was good enough, and I am hidden in Him, and God's opinion (if that's an applicable word) is the only one that matters. And I shouldn't let someone's earthly opinion affect me this much. But it does.

[yakk0dotorg]

I really don't think you have to worry as much as you do. When you're constantly looking at something you tend to miss the big picture (I could start a political rant on this, but I'll hold back). It's like if you have a zit. Just a little one, but it bugs you. most people wouldn't even notice it, but the more you try to cover it or compensate for it being there, the more it'll stick out for people to see. Besides, if he truely liked you a zit wouldn't change that anyway.

This ends Jeremy's ibuprofren induced analogies. :)

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Political? Like on west wing? Now I'm interested. :)

Re:

[yakk0dotorg]

political like "jeremy's been listening to a lot of rush limbaugh type talk radio lately" :)

[aardwolf.livejournal.com]

BTW, I MUCH prefer the bunny song. (The GOOD bunny song that is...)

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

I can understand what you're saying. For one thing, we all know men are more visual and tend to be more affected by a woman's looks. I'm not saying they're shallow or can't see past physical beauty into the inside, but it's just a bigger influence on them. They were built that way. However, I'm not suggesting I know exactly what men think is pretty. Often I'm surprised to hear a guy's opinion on magazine girls and stuff.

Secondly, women were built to respond to that, and I think most women naturally WANT to be pretty and desirable (physically) to men or at least a certain man. Partially because of what we *think* men want, we strive for certain looks.

But really, I think one thing is true for both genders: confidence is very attractive. When a guy seems sure of himself, cool, and confident, then I tend to trust that he knows what he's doing in terms of his appearance. But when a guy seems like he's really concerned with what other people think would be attractive for him, then it makes me feel less confident in his choices and more like he's desperate or needy. I'm pretty sure this is true the other way around, too. As long as you project a sort of "I like you, but I also feel good about the way I look and if you aren't satisfied with that it's your loss and soon you'll miss out when some other guy comes around"-image, then I think it makes you appear that much more attractive. When it seems like you're trying to please him and do things according to him, then it might appear unattractive.

However, I have no idea how you act around this guy, maybe he's just a dork or afraid to take a step forward in the relationship.

My thoughts. :)

Disclaimer

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

Not that I always successfully project that image. I tend to think that the things I have a problem with are also going to be problems for other people so I need to fix them before they can really like me or think I'm beautiful. Okay, NOW I'm done.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I agree with what you're saying. The guys I hang around with (including this particular one) don't have a traditional definition of beauty. Often we have disagreed on whether a girl is pretty or not, and I too have been surprised by what they think. So I'm not trying to look like a supermodel or anything. And I know I'm not ugly. That's part of the frustration, because I think I look okay the way I am, and some people find me attractive, and I don't see why he can't. I don't have this insecurity problem with any other guys. Just him.
Thanks for sharing. :)

morning glory

[roadsquish.livejournal.com]

Here's my take for what it's worth. I like women who think enough about their appearance to look in the mirror in the morning, put on their face, dress nice, then forget about themselve for the rest of the day. It says to me that she's interested in being presentable, but not self-conscious (and maybe needful and clingy). Relaxed, unconscious beauty is very attractive to me.

Hello

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Hi! You're one of Jessica's friends, aren't you? Thanks for stopping by and giving some input. :)