The Beauty and the Mess

Happy late birthday, chattyfingers and lifeofbrian and thetenthshadow!

Welcome, Christmas week. It feels too soon. I'm not ready for the holidays to be over. On the other hand, I feel a little like Charlie Brown. Why must we be so commercialized? Why couldn't I have just baked cookies for my friends and played Christmas carols on my flute or something? Instead I am scrambling to buy presents I'm not sure about with money I don't really have. On my lunch break I wrapped a large present in the backseat of my car, which is something I hope to never, ever have to do again. Don't ask.

My work friend Nina brought me a small pineapple cake, and I keep munching on it. It is as the waybread of the Elves to me.

So what did I do this weekend? On Friday night I took Evan to the airport. He didn't have room to take the gingerbread men I had made for him, which made both of us even more depressed. After our sad parting at the security check, I went home, and soon Em arrived to cheer me up. We and Kathy sat and talked and drank tea as in the KEBhouse of old. The next day, we went to the wedding of our friend Jessie. She was a beautiful bride. It was fun, but I missed Evan. When the reception was over, I went to see ROTK again with Myla because she hadn't been yet. It was still great, but I think I'm done for a while. ( I noticed something new, though. )

On Sunday I played both services again, and had lunch with Debs and her church friends. Then we wanted to rent How to Deal, but none of the local video stores had it. So we sat around watching figure skating. I came home intending to exercise and get a lot done, but then I discovered Titanic was on, so that was the end of my usefulness. Then I called Evan, made sure he wasn't boarding any ill-fated cruise liners, and went to bed early. The end.

Back from Louisiana, land of my birth.

I had a wonderful weekend. Kathy and I drove down to New Orleans on Friday night without incident. Saturday was one of the best days I've had in a long time. First we went to a two-story Target that Em frequents. Then we went to the mall for a brief visit to two of our favorite stores, followed by an awesome lunch at a seafood place on Lake Pontchartrain. Then we went to look at the water for a while, which made me very happy. By this point we were hot and tired, so we cooled off at the apartment for a while. Em took us to get Snowballs, the best shaved ice treats I have ever eaten, before heading out to the swamp for our long-awaited swamp tour!

I wanted to go on this particular swamp tour because they use smaller boats, so you can get closer to nature. And we did. While getting on the boat, we were a little freaked by a scary bridge nearby, but soon we were in the swamp communing with water hyacinths and alligators and old trees. We saw a lot of beautiful birds - herons and egrets and ibis. The boat captain was a native and knew a lot about the area. We also got to go fast in the boat a few times, which filled me with glee. :) We all felt very refreshed afterwards. I can't wait to go again. But wait- there was more! We had a tasty dinner at Cracker Barrel and went back to the apartment to play Friends trivia (the right way, which, as it turns out, is a lot more fun than just reading the questions). Then, we went to see Legally Blonde 2! It wasn't as good as the first one, but it was still hilarious. (I'm now compelled to get a Snap Cup for my cubicle.) All in all, it was a fantastic day.

Sunday morning we slept in, went to church, and had lunch at a great Tex-Mex place. Then we had to (sob) go home. I was sad to leave so soon, but I'm very glad we got to go on the trip. I needed to see Em, and I love New Orleans. Everything is so green there. On the way home, though, right outside of Jackson, Kathy's car stopped accelerating and eventually died. We called her dad and he said he would come and meet us. Thankfully, we got the car going again and as long as we kept it below 60 mph, it ran. Her dad met us in Grenada and followed us home. So we got home late, but at least we got there.

Okay, that's enough for now.

As soon as I get off work today, Kathy and I are leaving for New Orleans. Soon, the triumvirate will be together again. :) We haven't seen Em since January, and we are excited.

I have already had cake today. Someone in the office baked a carrot cake for my director's birthday. I was starving, so I ate some. I have zero willpower with food and I'm always hungry. I am going to be very fat.

I had a great time with Tiff and her sons yesterday. Thomas is almost five and Tanner is one. They're the sweetest, cutest boys. Tanner and I had a bond right away- he kept waddling over wanting to be held and cuddled. Babies don't usually like me, so it was a pleasant surprise. :) It was wonderful to spend time with them. Depending on when we get back to town Sunday, I'm planning to spend Sunday night at my parents' so we can have a little more time together before they go home on Monday. ( I took a few pictures. )

It's another pretty slow day.

Em was here last night! She came through on her way back to New Orleans and we had a belated birthday celebration (her birthday is the 17th; we're 8 hours apart). She got me the latest Mitford book! It's been a very bookish birthday- two people got me books, and Jamie got me a giftcard to Barnes & Noble. So, that's fun.

In less than a week, most of my friends will be back in school. I feel weird starting a new year of RUF, and trying to include the new freshmen. This year's freshman class will be just a year older than my sister, and I've rarely thought of my sister's friends as being in my peer group. :) So I feel better about stepping back a little, although I'm not sure what that will entail. I think it just means that my "leadership" days are over. I'm content now to be in the background and enjoy the singing and teaching and being with my friends.

I feel more secure about my friendships now. In past years, I was always nervous about the incoming freshmen "stealing" my friends, as awful as that is. But now we're older. We've been through more together. We're still a family, outside of any organized group. And so I feel safe. Of course, this peacefulness probably indicates impending doom. :)

Did you know that one of the signs of heart attack is a feeling of impending doom? It's true. We discovered that at summer conference, when JP was studying for her nursing exams. For the rest of the week, we would turn to each other and gasp, "Take me to the hospital! I have a sense of impending doom!" :)

I feel dorky now, so I'm going to stop.

Here's a story. Of several people, none named Brady.

( The Tale of BSU Bruce )

I am in one piece! The canoe trip went well. Ryan and I had a good time together and didn't have any arguments, which made me glad. :) We did tip over once, trying to go over a steep waterfall, and I was rudely introduced to the 50-degree water. Then I had to swim after the canoe, since it was drifting away without us, and then we had to somehow get back in, in the middle of the river. I got a scrape on my elbow and a big, bruise-like lump on my leg for my trouble, but otherwise, we had a blast. The locals and other canoers were very amusing. :) Two girls in front of us, who obviously didn't have a clue how to steer, went careening into a low-growing tree. Then one of them started yelling, "There's a snake in the canoe!!!" Instead of doing something about it, she stood there screaming, while her friend went very pale and dove into the water without a word. Ryan said it was worth the whole trip just to see that. :)

When we came home, Kathy and Em and I watched a movie while eating cheese dip on the floor. It was like old times. :)

Sunday School was great yesterday, as always. BJ is leaving in just a few weeks, and we still don't know who our new college/career minister is going to be. I'm feeling nervous about it. I've gotten so spoiled by good, sound teaching, given in a firm and straightforward way. If they give us one of those touchy-feely type ministers, I may never adjust. :P And I'm about to finally join the church, so I'm praying more than ever that they hire someone good. Why do all my small-group ministers leave? I guess I am an agent of change. I hope my friends don't catch on, or they might get rid of me. :)

What a weekend. Kathy and I spent all of Saturday cleaning, cooking, rearranging, decorating, etc., etc. for the bridal shower on Sunday. It went well, but we were exhausted. After collapsing for a while, we went out to Lakeland to Daniel's parents' house to watch fireworks. It was a fun and relaxing time, although it felt odd to be celebrating the 4th of July on the 30th of June. :) We got to take the boat out on the lake, and spend some time with Em, whom we hadn't seen much due to all the shower insanity.

Em has apparently been keeping up well with this journal. Every time I'd start to tell her something, she'd say, "Oh, I know. I read it in your journal." "Did I tell you about-" "I know." "You'll never guess what-" "I know." Maybe she needs to get one too, and then I can keep up with her life as well as she is keeping up with mine. :)

The news networks are urgently reporting that the 4th of July will bring a high risk of terrorist attacks. To them I say: Duh.

I typically take the Tina Fey view of Alanis Morissette's music: "Hey, Alanis- not everything you write in your journal is a song." But her new song has really captured some of my reflections on the last two years of my life. (Minus the drug reference. :)) I feel stronger after I hear it. I thought the lyrics were worthy of sharing.

( Precious Illusions )

It's always harder to come back to work after a long weekend.

We had fun with Em et al. this weekend. The three of us spent Saturday shopping for bridesmaid shoes for MaryElaine and Royce's wedding. Thus begins the flurry of wedding preparations... the bridal shower, the bridesmaid luncheon, the drive to pick up the dresses, the blah blah blah blah blah... :)

Sunday night, a whole troop of us went down to the river to see Cowboy Mouth and go to the Sunset Symphony. The clouds were threatening for a few hours, but it didn't rain, which is the most frustrating kind of weather when you are trying to do something. The orchestra kept taking breaks to wait for it to "blow over." Finally, they skipped the entire second half of the program and went right into the 1812 Overture. We spent the entire overture wondering aloud what the War of 1812 was about; none of us could remember. Our New Orleanians (Em, Daniel, and Royce) knew that the war ended in New Orleans, but that was our only clue. :P After that, we watched the fireworks. There is a new one this year that looks like fireflies. I am excited about seeing more fireworks on the 4th of July (my favorite holiday). :)

Yesterday, we went to a family party at Kathy's brother's house. We spent most of the time playing with her 1-year-old nephew. :) There were several small children there. Em and I were sitting watching them, and I said, "Do you know how crazy it's going to be when we all have kids and we get together like this?" She then figured out that, if we each have the number of kids we want, there will be 11 kids at our gatherings. We told Kathy, who responded sadly, "Oh, so one of them won't have anyone to marry!" :)

This made me think about something. I've been trying to get used to the idea that I may never get married. It seems, to me, very likely that this will be the case. But when we're talking about the future, I'm right there with everyone else talking about what I want at my wedding, and how I'm going to raise my kids. And I mean it! I realized this weekend that I still totally believe that marriage and kids are going to happen for me. I guess most people would think this is a good thing, but to me, it's not. It just means I'm going to be extra disappointed and sad when I'm 35 and living alone with a bunny and a few plants.

Sorry for being depressing. I'm kind of in a bad mood because of a health problem I am having. I've been on antibiotics for a week, but they're not working and I think I will have to go back to the doctor. In the meantime, I'm not very comfortable. I will try to write something cheery later.

I have no hair. Okay, that's an exaggeration. But I have significantly less than I did yesterday. I needed a haircut. I was going to get JP to cut it for me. She wasn't available. So I got Kathy to do it.

She did a great job, having never cut hair before, let alone curly hair. The problem was, the curls kept escaping her. So she had to cut a little more to even it out. And then it still wasn't even, so she had to cut a little more. And I ended up with hair about an inch above my shoulders, which is (I think) the shortest it has ever been. I like it, I think. It has sort of a flip to it. I took digital pictures this morning, but I can't load them onto this computer, so I will have to do it at home and post them tomorrow.

Anyway, I am worried that a certain person will think I look bad. That got me thinking about all the time I spend worrying about my looks. I wonder- have I become one of those superficial, self-absorbed Gap girls? I sure hope not. I need to be focusing on First Peter 3 beauty; instead I'm fixing my hair and buying more clothes. And it's all to please a person who cannot be pleased, when I should be living to please Christ.

Guys, what do you want from us? If we don't put much effort into our appearance, you say we're sloppy. If we put too much effort into it, you don't want us because we're "too stuck on our looks." But if we are, it's because you won't like us unless you think we're pretty. We just want you to think we're pretty. But you won't give us a chance, because however hard we try, we cannot fit your "type."

Any other girls struggle with this? Any of the guys have an explanation?

In the three days Kathy has been living with me, we have had more apartment problems than in the six months I lived there by myself. The heat; the roaches; and now, the hot water heater. We have no hot water. Thus, we are not clean, and not very happy about it. :P My landlady is sending someone over to fix it, so hopefully we will have hot water by this evening. I refuse to go to the goodbye party in an icky state.
Yes, tonight is Harris and Lisa's farewell extravaganza. I'm expecting it to be the biggest RUF party ever. Several of the "old" people are coming into town just for the party, so I am looking forward to seeing them. :) But I am also stressed, because somehow I ended up in charge of the 12 or so surprises of the night. So I'm kind of wondering how much actual fun I will have. :) It should be good, though.
All my entries are boring. I will write again later, and try to say something interesting.