marriage and children and 1812

[chestnutcurls]

It's always harder to come back to work after a long weekend.

We had fun with Em et al. this weekend. The three of us spent Saturday shopping for bridesmaid shoes for MaryElaine and Royce's wedding. Thus begins the flurry of wedding preparations... the bridal shower, the bridesmaid luncheon, the drive to pick up the dresses, the blah blah blah blah blah... :)

Sunday night, a whole troop of us went down to the river to see Cowboy Mouth and go to the Sunset Symphony. The clouds were threatening for a few hours, but it didn't rain, which is the most frustrating kind of weather when you are trying to do something. The orchestra kept taking breaks to wait for it to "blow over." Finally, they skipped the entire second half of the program and went right into the 1812 Overture. We spent the entire overture wondering aloud what the War of 1812 was about; none of us could remember. Our New Orleanians (Em, Daniel, and Royce) knew that the war ended in New Orleans, but that was our only clue. :P After that, we watched the fireworks. There is a new one this year that looks like fireflies. I am excited about seeing more fireworks on the 4th of July (my favorite holiday). :)

Yesterday, we went to a family party at Kathy's brother's house. We spent most of the time playing with her 1-year-old nephew. :) There were several small children there. Em and I were sitting watching them, and I said, "Do you know how crazy it's going to be when we all have kids and we get together like this?" She then figured out that, if we each have the number of kids we want, there will be 11 kids at our gatherings. We told Kathy, who responded sadly, "Oh, so one of them won't have anyone to marry!" :)

This made me think about something. I've been trying to get used to the idea that I may never get married. It seems, to me, very likely that this will be the case. But when we're talking about the future, I'm right there with everyone else talking about what I want at my wedding, and how I'm going to raise my kids. And I mean it! I realized this weekend that I still totally believe that marriage and kids are going to happen for me. I guess most people would think this is a good thing, but to me, it's not. It just means I'm going to be extra disappointed and sad when I'm 35 and living alone with a bunny and a few plants.

Sorry for being depressing. I'm kind of in a bad mood because of a health problem I am having. I've been on antibiotics for a week, but they're not working and I think I will have to go back to the doctor. In the meantime, I'm not very comfortable. I will try to write something cheery later.

Comments

[lucard2525.livejournal.com]

Awww, Brenda. :) Don't be down. :) From the few journals I have read from you and your site, you are a wonderful person, and will have a hunk of a husband someday....who might like rabbits too....hmmm :)

As for the War of 1812 *clears throat and puts on professor's snobby tone* It was sort of our version of the Napoleonic Wars. We were fighting England. Basically England and Napoleon were both cutting off our ships from reaching their shores (trying to punish each other)...so this annoyed us to the point that we basically said whoever doesnt stop it will be at war with us. Napoleon of course stopped it (which didnt matter as England controlled the seas) and we went to war with England (The saying "freedom of the seas" came from then). It was more a war for war mongers though. We had "manifest destiny" in our veins and many people wanted to conquer Canada from the English and increase our size and all, but the war was more or less a defeat for us. And because of poor communications back then, we signed a truce in London with the English a few days before the famous Battle of New Orleans--where we trounced the British...sort of ironic there *end of history lesson--quiz on Monday*. :)

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Very impressive. Were you a history major? :) Thanks. I thought for sure it had something to do with Mexico... I used to know a lot more about history, but now I'm a little fuzzy.

[lucard2525.livejournal.com]

History minor...now I use it for my writing sometimes...

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

Brenda! Sheesh, do NOT think that way. You're what... 16? :) Just kidding, but you're so young. It's totally not time to be thinking "I'll never get married." or "I'm brainwashing myself to think I am but it'll just be a big disappointment when I don't." You're still learning about yourself! God recognizes that and will bring someone around at the right moment. I'm 25 and I feel confident that I will marry someday. I don't know it for sure, but I hope and pray on it. What else can I do? Get depressed and say it won't happen? I'm just trying to enjoy my single time because it rocks! So don't get that way because I might have to come over there and you will suffer my wrath. You make me feel old!

You are a smart, cute, and fun girl and there are tons of single guys out there just waiting to find someone like you. But that's not the point. There could be 1000 or there could be 1. Your chances are the same, because God most likely has someone in mind for you, and it's not about numbers but timing. Seriously, the chances are pretty high that you'll marry.

But in the meantime, doesn't it sometimes rock to be single? You get to dream about when you meet the right guy, and all of the interesting guys you'll meet before that. You can have deep conversations with a lot of guys because you're not committed. You're free! You can travel and do things without the responsibility of another person or of kids. So soak it up because it won't last. :)

Okay enough lecturing. Sorry. :)

Ditto

[contradictions.livejournal.com]

Yeah! :o)

Oh, I guess I should say more...I know how you feel sometimes. And sometimes I think that if I hear the phrase, "There are plenty of fish in the sea," one more time, that I will scream or throw up or a little of both. For me, though, it seems to be hereditary...my dad didn't meet my mom until he was 28'ish.

So yeah, there's still time, yeah, it can be frustrating, and yeah, it's sometimes fun to be single. I don't know about some of this travel stuff Jess is talking about (Miss going to the East coast one month and Dallas the next ;o) ), but it is nice to know that you don't have to answer to anyone (besides God, of course).

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'm 22! Just because I look 16... sheesh... :) :) :)
Thanks for the support. I am continually amazed by how cool you guys are. :) I agree with what you're saying. I guess my whole problem is that there's only one fish in the sea I'm interested in, and he's too busy looking for bait to pay much attention. :P And other fish, at this point, seem dull and uninteresting to me. I'm going to stop there before I start talking about kelp or something. :)

Re:

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

Ha.. I understand. :) But what I was saying before is that since you're not committed to this one blind fish right now, enjoy the other fish! You may see something you like. :) I mean, just get to know other people while you can. I think the right person will feel just as strongly for you as you do for them. It's an awesome feeling.

[jmcphers.livejournal.com]

It's been my observation that most people are incredibly poor predictors of their own future.. time's a strange thing; it goes forward but we can only see backward (and that only in bits and pieces we remember and collect). It's tough to see your own future when you're so inextricably tied up in the events that lead to it. Many ministers and missionaries I know were dead certain at some point in their lives that there was no way they would wind up in full-time Christian service.

Likewise, I know people in their late 20's who are sure they will be married and seem to think about it and talk about it a lot, yet haven't a prospect in sight -- and others who are younger and were sure it wouldn't happen to them but then it did. Nobody else is good at figuring out how or when they'll be married. What makes you think you are? (-:

I do believe God calls some to singleness, but I also believe that those He calls to singleness are granted some relief from a strong desire for marriage, and given a desire to serve Him in ways that would be impossible if they were married: it isn't that they don't desire marriage, but that they desire singleness more because of what they can do for God because of it. The desire to share life with another is God-given and healthy, and I don't know why people keep trying to get rid of it. God doesn't give us desire to torture us; He does it to encourage us to pursue what He wants for us and to make it that much more wonderful when those desires are fulfilled.

(I suppose I should add a footnote here: I'm not trying to say that the pursuit of desire is always right. Much sin comes from us trying to fulfill God-given desires by ourselves and in our own way rather than His. But, tainted with the sin nature as it is, desire is a double-edged gift..)

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

You make a good point. :)

[cafemusique.livejournal.com]

Boom! I just love the 1812 Overture.

I try not to give in to that idea. Maybe it's because, for me, the pessimism about finding somebody is not because I don't feel that I'm worth loving, but because I think I'm too shy to let some of my best qualities be seen by others. (And then, the self-esteem comes in, because I don't know how I would realise that somebody feels that way about me, because I know if it happened and I realised it, I would assume that they're just trying to tease me.) Can you tell that I don't do well socially offline?

But, I can't imagine myself never getting married. The idea is too bleak for me. I yearn for that connection with somebody, but I think my "walls" are still up trying to protect my heart, so that it's too hard for anybody to break in. And, even if she does get in, I have to beat my head against those walls that stop me from expressing how I feel to her.

Boy!...it is uncomfortable to bring down that facade, even if it is to people who are, at this point, total strangers to me.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Hello! Nice to meet you, and thanks for your input. I can relate to what you're saying.