leaving room

[chestnutcurls]

Lately I've been trying to be more discerning with the things in my life. This may not make much sense, but I will try to explain.

I have always tried to find something good in the people and things around me. If someone had a hideous outfit on, but their hair looked cute, I would tell them their hair looked cute. If someone I cared about did something that wasn't awful, I lavished them with praise. I think I believed that it was un-Christian to be negative.

I still look for things to compliment the people in my life about. I try to be encouraging, because I want them to feel good about themselves, and to feel loved. I get very excited about everything. If they do something for me, I want to make sure they know how much I appreciate it. The problem is, I guess I expect other people to react the same way when I try to do something good.

One of my best friends pointed this out to me last week. I was upset because I had done something fun for him, and he didn't seem excited about it. He said, "This is good, but it's not the best ever. If I get all excited now, what am I going to say later when you do the best thing ever?" To get it into my terms, he explained that it was like figure skating. The first girl to skate always gets a lower score, no matter how good she is, because the judges have to leave room for someone to be even better. And I never leave room.

So ever since, I've been pondering this. Am I wrong? Should I be holding back, and leaving room, in my life? I just don't know. And I'm not sure how this applies Biblically.

Comments

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

I totally know what you're saying. I always try to show a lot of appreciation for things to encourage people to continue that sort of behavior, not just with me, but with everyone. It is disappointing when someone reacts in a way that is less than you had hoped for. Everyone's different. For example, some people look at my drawings and are like "Wow, those are so good, that's so great!" and other people are just like, "Hm. Cool. I didn't know you drew." On the other hand, I've probably been shown less enthusiasm for something a person did than other people have for them, and maybe they find that insulting or disappointing. It all depends on what else we've seen in our lives, I suppose.

Using the excuse that he is holding back so that if something REALLY good comes along he'll respond appropriately sounds like such a copout. We should respond honestly and think of each gift and gesture on its own, and not compared to other things (which I realize contradicts what I was just saying about what else we've seen in our lives). Obviously you put more thought into said gesture than he realized, otherwise he would've been as appreciative and excited as you had envisioned.

I think I just rambled and didn't enlighten AT ALL...haha

[aardwolf.livejournal.com]

Figure skating in no way relates to how we are to treat our friends. Figure skating is a competition showcasing individual people. Friendship is a two-way relationship.

It should be our goal to encourage our friends, as long as we are being sincere. I totally agree with what you said about the outfit/hair dillemma. There are times when we should be frank with our friends, but we need to make sure that they feel appreciated.

I can't think of any biblical references that apply to this specific solution...

[jmcphers.livejournal.com]

Very good question, and one I've thought about a bit in the past.

There are a lot of verses on truthfulness; obviously, telling someone you're more impressed/appreciative than you are (or vice versa) is not Biblical.

I think another one of the more applicable verses is in Hebrews 10 (v. 24) - "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." This is exactly what you are doing when you ".. try to be encouraging, because I want them to feel good about themselves, and to feel loved." Be truthful and consider what impact you'll have on the other person; being appreciative and thankful (which is often a cultivated attitude, (-:) will definitely help spur someone on to further "love and good deeds." Being too critical or unappreciative may discourage them; too much appreciativeness may lead to doubts about your sincerity and an artifically inflated ego. Strike a balance.

I know that many of the things that I do now I wouldn't be doing if a few people hadn't kept encouraging me and telling me what they thought of it.

As for expecting appreciation, it's certainly natural to, but check out Galatians 1:10 - "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." If I do anything with the expectation that I'm going to be rewarded with praise on earth, I'm going to be pretty disappointed a lot of the time, because pleasing other people is mighty hard and sometimes they don't show it even when they are. If I instead do things for God, I can be content in the knowledge that He will reward me, regardless of whether or not anyone else notices.

Incidentally, it's sometimes even bad to be appreciated; in some passages in the Gospels that discuss giving, Jesus said that those who are appreciated and praised for it here on earth have already received their reward. I don't know about you, but I'd rather have mine in heaven. (-:

(Sorry, don't mean to sermonize.. got a little carried away.. need sleep.)