I won't keep on playing the victim

[chestnutcurls]

What a weekend. Kathy and I spent all of Saturday cleaning, cooking, rearranging, decorating, etc., etc. for the bridal shower on Sunday. It went well, but we were exhausted. After collapsing for a while, we went out to Lakeland to Daniel's parents' house to watch fireworks. It was a fun and relaxing time, although it felt odd to be celebrating the 4th of July on the 30th of June. :) We got to take the boat out on the lake, and spend some time with Em, whom we hadn't seen much due to all the shower insanity.

Em has apparently been keeping up well with this journal. Every time I'd start to tell her something, she'd say, "Oh, I know. I read it in your journal." "Did I tell you about-" "I know." "You'll never guess what-" "I know." Maybe she needs to get one too, and then I can keep up with her life as well as she is keeping up with mine. :)

The news networks are urgently reporting that the 4th of July will bring a high risk of terrorist attacks. To them I say: Duh.

I typically take the Tina Fey view of Alanis Morissette's music: "Hey, Alanis- not everything you write in your journal is a song." But her new song has really captured some of my reflections on the last two years of my life. (Minus the drug reference. :)) I feel stronger after I hear it. I thought the lyrics were worthy of sharing.



Precious Illusions

You'll rescue me, right? in the exact same way they never did
I'll be happy, right? when your healing powers kick in
You'll complete me, right? then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy, right? Only when you realize the gem I am.

But this won't work now the way it once did
And I won't keep it up, even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not, then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head
did not let me down when I was defenseless,
and parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends.

This ring will help me yet, as will you, knight in shining armor
This pill will help me yet, as will these boys gone through like water

But this won't work as well as the way it once did
'Cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not, I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head
did not let me down when I was a kid,
and parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend.

I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode

Comments

[pipermcgrupp.livejournal.com]

That Tina Fey quote is funny.

How do you do that thing where the reader clicks on Precious Illusions and then the song lyrics pop up?? I wanna learn!! Teach me! Teach me!

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

It's an LJ-cut. You can find it on the FAQ page, but here's what you do:

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-cut="text">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

It's an LJ-cut. You can find it on the FAQ page, but here's what you do:

<lj-cut="text"> with "text" being whatever you want to be in the parentheses. If you want more stuff to be on your journal page after whatever you're cutting, you do </lj-cut>.

Tina Fey is brilliant. A lot of the time, Weekend Update is the only part of SNL worth watching. (Jimmy Fallon doesn't hurt anything, either. :))

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

It absorbed it as code!... Okay, imagine < and > where [ and ] are.

[lj-cut="text"] (put your text between quotations)
to end, [/lj-cut]. There. :)