Hi.

This morning I got the news that Jean Larroux, IPC's college/career minister whom Evan and I follow around in groupie-type fashion, will no longer be the college/career minister. He's taking over the young marrieds group. I knew it was only a matter of time before he got snatched up by someone else. I'm really sad that I won't be able to go to his studies anymore.

Since I got home I'm not feeling like myself. Long periods of time with my family, among our extended family, have that effect on me. It's like the adult I am melts away and I become what I was at thirteen. My mom and many of my relatives seem to think I am still thirteen, so it's really little wonder. Sometimes I think they won't see me as an adult until I'm married, and maybe not even then.

It's amazing how one minute I feel so on top of things, and the next minute I'm overwhelmed by everything I need to do.

I'm trying really hard to think of something fun/cheery/interesting to put here, but I'm coming up blank. There are too many "I"s in this post. I need to be more others-oriented.

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." - unknown

Today is Evan's birthday, and, coincidentally, our two-month anniversary. In some ways it seems like no time has passed since we started dating, and in other ways it seems like forever. Sometimes it's hard to remember what it was like just being friends. Sometimes when he hugs me I want to pinch myself. I still find it amazing that God has blessed me so much, and when I was such a hopeless case. I know you're probably all tired of hearing this, but I want to say again to the other single people: it can happen to you. God is faithful. Really. If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. It certainly wasn't based on anything I've done. But what is? :)

Anyway, tonight I'm taking him to dinner, and then we're going to the JLT (our new name for our Wednesday Bible study- the "Jean Larroux Thing") because that's what he wanted to do. Afterwards, Ryan and probably a couple of other people will come to the apartment for cake, which I made last night. It's chocolate with chocolate icing. I added a surprise, though. Hopefully he'll like it. If you want to send birthday greetings, go over to his journal and comment. He has never made a big deal out of his birthday (and even kept forgetting when it was), but I am determined that he celebrate this year. I'm such a mean girlfriend. :)

Random funny story: In our last year of college, Kathy and Em and I were making a birthday card one day for our friend Christoper. We became concerned that the graphics we used were too feminine, so on the back (where the Hallmark thing would go on a real card), we inserted a tiny picture of a bodybuilder with "Tough Man Cards" typed under it. Thus our "brand" of cards was born. Every card we made for anyone after that was a Tough Man Cards product. I remembered this last night while trying to select "masculine" graphics like trucks. Of course, I put the bodybuilder on the back after that. Maybe you had to be there, but I thought it was hilarious. LOL.

Praise: On Saturday I noticed that my Fossil watch, a gift from my grandfather, was missing. The last time I remembered wearing it was last week when we went to Murfreesboro. After looking everywhere and not finding it, I was afraid that I had left it in the hotel room. I knew my family would be upset, and plus, I really liked the watch. I prayed about it, and this morning I found it at the bottom of my purse. Yay God. :) (Hey, Jessica, maybe you'll find your glasses now.)

Icon: In anticipation of Return of the King, I have brought back the Queen of Gondor icon, redone. It's my favorite icon idea ever.

I am alarmed by the number of people who answered "Huh?" to my Homestar Runner poll question. Please do yourself a favor and go here. Go watch the best Strong Bad e-mail ever. Be prepared to laugh a lot. You'll thank me later.

Today is a good day. Evan called this morning to tell me that, due to technical difficulties, he's not going off-roading this weekend. Which means that he can go to the football game and the symphony with me. Yay! This is how great he is: he drove all the way to my work area (a 40-minute drive) to get a check from me for all of our symphony tickets, then drove back to our church (near his house) to get the tickets for me, and then drove back out to this area to go to work. All so I wouldn't have to worry about picking them up myself. Isn't that nice? It's the Kiev Symphony, which comes to our church once every few years and is said to be phenomenal. This will be the first time I've gotten to go. My family is going with us, so it'll be a nice time. Evan is excited about going, too. Despite his tough truckish exterior, he's very cultured and enjoys artsy things. He's so well-rounded. :)

I had a long-awaited lunch with Casey today, most of which was spent squealing over the new developments in my life. Casey has been a friend and advisor to me for three years and has helped me through so many things. It meant a lot to me to be able to rejoice with her. :) She told me how excited the old-school RUF crowd is about me and Evan being together; predictably, everyone she's told has said "It's about time!" The happiest news she gave me was that Ryan is apparently very pleased about it. I was worried that maybe he disapproved or felt weird. I'm so glad he's glad. I wanted his blessing.

Bible study last night was great. Jean is teaching on Job this time around, and last night's message was about preparing for the storms of life while the skies are still clear. He used tons of hurricane references, which sent me deep into Weather Nerd Mode. After the study, Evan and I went to Perkins for pie, and I spent much too long telling him about Hurricane Camille and the Galveston hurricane of 1900 and the Fujita scale. He doesn't share my enthusiasm, but at least he thinks it's cute.

West Wing was incredible last night. I was expecting the quality of the show to drop now that Aaron Sorkin's gone, but maybe the new writers will come through after all. We'll see. I'm so, so excited about Friends tonight! Last first episode. Waaah!

I miss the cat today. Isn't that weird? Sometimes I miss him while I'm at work. I used to feel that way about the bunny (and sometimes I still have attacks of missing him and have to go visit with him), but I never thought that was weird. But missing a cat might be slightly less nuts than missing a bunny. Anyway, I can spend plenty of time with him tonight while I watch my shows. I'm glad.

Well, the klutziness continues. Last night I slid into the dining room in my socks (a la Risky Business) and right into a long, sharp piece of wood that was invisibly sticking out of the floor. It was somewhere between a splinter and a ruler, and it was lodged in the bottom of my foot. I managed to remove it...or so I thought. Today I can tell that something is still in there. It really hurts. I've been limping around all day. Add this to the huge bruise I got last week from walking, casually, into the doorknob, and I think I might be hospitalized soon. :P

My weekend is not going to be as fun as I thought. The tickets for both the Grizzlies game (with Lawson and my brother) and the final Tigers home game (with Kathy and whoever) have all fallen through. Kathy went to get the Tigers tickets today, and they were sold out. So now I think we're going to have people over to watch the game, or something. I don't know. I'm pretty bummed about all that.

Evan is coming over tonight for pizza, Friends, and Harry Potter discussion. (He doesn't know about that last one yet. :)) And a new episode of Good Morning Miami is coming on! So those are two happy things.

Bible study was wonderful last night. I wish all of you could hear Jean Larroux teach. I always leave there feeling so refreshed and...I guess...centered. I might buy the tapes of this series and transcribe them or something, because I can't even paraphrase him justice.

After Bible study I went to Starbucks, which prompted me to wonder, at what age are you too old to hang out at Starbucks? The whole place was packed with college students. I'm a little sorry that I was never the kind of person who hung out in coffee shops, because now I want to.

I need some sort of lifestyle change.

I have a lot on my mind today.

My brother's birthday dinner went well. I gave him a copy of Where The Red Fern Grows, because I'm reading it and I thought of him from the very first page. He doesn't read much, but I really think he'll enjoy that book. (My mom was pleased, too. :)) At our table at Shogun, there was a youngish, nice-looking guy eating by himself. He looked lonely. I'm not sure why, but I felt very sad for him. I even feel sad now when I think about it. Because I am weird and have random attacks of compassion for total strangers. :(

My mom told me that the Christian bookstore in the mall was going out of business, so I went there after dinner. Everything was half-off, so I went, um, a little nuts. :) The haul:

Books: When Dreams Come True, Eric and Leslie Ludy; Messy Spirituality, Michael Yaconelli; As Time Goes By, Lori Wick; a new English Standard Version Bible (10 dollars!!!)
CDs: Back Home, Caedmon's Call; furthermore: from the studio/from the stage, Jars of Clay; Myself When I Am Real, Bebo Norman

On the way to Bible study, I put in the Jars CD, and one of the songs really struck me. I'll probably post the lyrics later.

At Bible study we've been studying Glorification. Well, something has happened to make it much more real. A girl from the church, who went to Ole Miss and was on core group of their RUF, was killed last week in a head-on collision. She was engaged, to another member of the church. (This isn't my church, so I don't personally know any of these people, but many people present did.) I wish I could tell the story the way Jean did, as he talked about his conversations with her friends and her fiance, about heaven and how they know she's there. The topic of the talk was "the end of all tears," about how when we get to heaven, God will wipe away all our tears Himself. It was so powerful. I wish all of you could have been there.

After Bible study I went to Evan's for a little while. Then I went home and started to read When Dreams Come True. I was up until 1 am finishing it, because I couldn't stop reading. It gave me a lot to think about. But again, that is for a later post.

Current temperature in Memphis: 16 degrees.

This morning, the wind chill was -2.

I was over at Evan's last night after Wednesday Bible study (which has started back! Yay!). We were watching TV and I kept seeing SNOW ADVISORY in the corner of the screen. This usually means nothing to us city dwellers, so I ignored it. When I decided to go home, he opened the door and there was a dusting of snow on everything. :) It's kind of nice to experience Real Winter. I don't know how you could ever get tired of seeing snow. Snow is pretty and fluffy and almost miraculous. Rain is wet and drippy and ruins my hair. No comparison.

Bible study was wonderful. It's so refreshing to hear good teaching. Now that my church has decided the college/career group doesn't need a minister and we should take care of our own spiritual needs, I have been a little starved for good instruction. :P Jean is teaching on Glorification, for the next couple of months. He talked about how we, as believers, don't think of heaven as much as we ought, and how we should see our present sufferings in the light of our future joy. The funny thing is, this isn't something I struggle with. In fact, I sometimes worry that I think of heaven too much. Every time I feel hopeless about my life, I remind myself that someday I will be in heaven with Christ, and my sin and struggle and worry will be over. That's where my hope is. Jean said that this is a good way to think. I was glad to hear it. :)

Now it's lunchtime.

Bad news today. Kathy's grandmother had a small stroke a couple of days ago, which she was recovering from, but now she's failing and they don't think she'll make it much longer. Needless to say, Kathy is pretty upset.

But, a good thing has happened- Lili was downgraded from a Category 4 to Category 2, which means Emily is safe and will not be swimming around town. :) Although the meteorologist in me is dying for a Weather Event, I am glad this was not it. Two hurricanes a week apart are too many for anybody.

I almost didn't go to Bible study last night, but I'm glad I did. The topic was sacraments. (I like the word "sacraments.") Since this is a subject I am kind of lacking in, I was glad to hear good teaching about it. Jean said that baptism is like an engagement ring, a symbol of our union with Christ, and the Lord's Supper is like a wedding ring, a constant reminder that we are the Bride of Christ. Of course there was more to the lesson than that, but I liked those analogies. :)

I realized afterwards that now I don't have anyone to really talk theology with. I loved going to studies with Evan because we both process and appreciate things the same way, and talking things over with him was like the icing on the cake of the message. Last night I really felt the effects of not having that. I felt like a champagne bottle that needed to be uncorked.

At my work I get 6 sick days a year. That is not a lot, so I am wary of using them at the beginning of the year. Last winter I spent many days here in my cube with a cold, because I was afraid I would get the flu or something later and need those days. Now it's October and I have 5 days to burn. (And I have to be actually sick to use them.) I am in such need of a "mental health day" that it's not even funny, so I sort of want to get sick just so I can stay home. Isn't that disturbing? :) I've had a headachey sort of feeling the last few days, and instead of thinking "Oh no, I'm getting sick," it's more like "Oooo, am I getting sick?" :) Maybe I need help. :)

Happy birthday verseseven!!!

I've made a few changes to my photo page, but nothing major. I have a ton of pictures I'd like to add, but unfortunately the university scanner acts up every time I try to use it. Maybe because I'm not supposed to be using it. :P

Tonight marks the return of my Wednesday night Bible study! Our topic is the Church as the Bride of Christ. I am looking forward to it. After years of going to Bible studies three and four nights a week, cutting it down to one has been weird for me. I just don't learn as well on my own. I can read over a chapter three times, and never get out of it what I would have gotten if I was listening to someone teach it. I guess I just need to pray for more wisdom and insight when reading. Of course, once we understand something we're supposed to obey it, which will cause me to know my sin when I don't obey. Which will show me again how sinful I am and how much I need a Savior. Oh...there's the point. :)

I'm feeling sad about my various groups of friends. They're sort of falling apart, as I said the other day. RUF is just weird now, because it's full of people I don't know (mostly freshmen). My friends and I are now the "old crowd," and lately it's hard to even get us in a room together. I do have other people to hang out with, and Ryan and I hang out a lot, but I miss the way things used to be. Kathy's always with her boyfriend and his friends, and Evan's always with his truckin' buddies, and I don't see either of them as much as I would like. And the less I see them, the more frustrated I feel, and the more likely I am to be childish and huffy about not seeing them, and spout a bunch of saved-up nonsense at them, making them want to stay away from me until I can act normal. :) It's a vicious cycle. I'm trying to figure out how to stop it. :P

One of the sort-of-old-crowd RUF girls is auditioning for The Real World. It's funny, because I really think she might make it. She's the right kind of person for it. Also, she goes to CBU, which is where Keri from the Chicago cast used to go. I'll keep all of you posted on that. :)

Does anyone (besides Lawson) watch Scrubs? (If not, you should.) Do you remember the one where J.D. (I think that's his name) had to hang out with the older doctor and his patient for several days, and they did this funny Real World-intro thing? I just thought of that. Okay, I'll shut up now.

This has not been a good day. I'm having work-related problems again, over a project that I had under control until some other people got involved. I'm confused by the way most people like me and think I do a great job, while Other People Far Away find me completely incompetent and would probably get rid of me if they could. I wonder who's wrong.

This is a perfect opportunity to love others when they're not so easy to love. Every day, I pray for an opportunity to be Christlike towards people I work with. And then that opportunity comes, and what do I do? I get mad. I want to be snippy. What kind of Christian am I? :( I'm glad the Great Physician came to heal the sick, and not those who are well. Because I am in need of some medicine. :P

Some good things have happened, though. Kathy and I suddenly remembered that we have Chick-fil-A coupons, so we went there for lunch. Also, my parents called me this morning, independently of each other, to make sure I was okay. (I hadn't called them since I first got sick.) That was nice.

The weather here is so weird today. For most of the day it's been raining, but the sun keeps coming out, and half the sky is blue. Very strange to look at.

My Wednesday night Bible study, taught by Jean Larroux, was incredible last night. So incredible that, despite the controversy it may cause, I'm going to share. You don't have to say anything about it. I just thought it was great. :)

( A different view of the Rapture )

Oh, and the Save the Last Dance soundtrack is pretty cool. I burned a copy from my sister's, and I've had it on in the car for a couple of days. :)

A new day has come. One day closer to Friday!

I went to a new Bible study last night with Casey. It was excellent! They're studying Revelation (as is my own church's group), and last night was an overview of the types of Biblical literature, and how important it is that we classify books of the Bible into their correct genres. Jean (the teacher) used the example of a nursery rhyme, saying that if we took "Mary Had a Little Lamb" as historical literature, people would say, "We must find out who this Mary was, and why this lamb followed her." Another funny example was, "Jesus said He is the gate for the sheep. But have you ever seen a picture of Him with hinges? He also said He is the light of the world. But no one says" (points to a lamp with a look of wonder) "look, there's Jesus!" :)

My exciting paparazzi plans have been cancelled. However, now I will actually be watching the fight on Saturday night. My friend Matt decided to order it, so me and Casey and Evan and Ryan and some other people will be going over there. (Lawson, I would invite you, but it's not my party to invite people to. :( ) Matt called me yesterday at work to invite me, and pulled a typical prank...

I work for a prominent hotel company. My department deals with the legal issues of building hotels, not reservations or anything. Well, Matt called, and said (in a perfect Indian accent), "I would like to reserve 400 hotel rooms, please." I suspected foul play, so I said, "Who is this?" He responded, irritated, "I need to reserve 400 hotel rooms!" I realized that I had to play along, because if it were a real customer, I couldn't be rude to him. So I said, "Well, you'll need to call the hotel where you want to reserve the rooms." He started cracking up and said "No, this is Matt." I could have killed him. :)

I'm ready for lunch.