The Beauty and the Mess

This icon is a picture from Hollywood Beach, Florida, where I spent almost every Saturday when I was younger. My best friend Kristi and I would "surf" and play in the sand and walk on the boardwalk all day. I'm missing the ocean a lot lately. I was looking online for things to do in New Hampshire, and there's a whale-watching tour that guarantees a whale sighting! I'd be so happy. :) Evan thought it sounded cool, too, so maybe we can go.

I am finally forced to admit that I've become addicted to Quizno's. Turkey Ranch & Swiss on rosemary bread. It's what's for dinner. Er, lunch. Plus, they're the only restaurant I know of that has Vanilla Coke on tap.

I'm spending the next three nights at my parents' because they're going out of town and didn't want to leave my brother alone. I don't mind staying out there- it's nice and quiet and I can do laundry. Unfortunately, my mom had plans for Kevin and me, which I can't do because of flute practice and my hair appointment. Now she's irritated, but at least I can spend all of tonight with him. Evan is coming out to the house so we can watch American Idol together. I'm sure Kevin will be glad to see him. They're buds. Oh, and tonight is Evan's last class of the semester! It's already Study Day week. Where does the time go?

It's still kind of weird at the house without Bun.

You know, I got a neat star guidebook for Christmas and I've only tried to use it once. I want to take that to New Hampshire, too- we can probably see a lot of stars there. The thing is, how are you supposed to use it? It's dark when you're looking at stars! Do you take a flashlight, or just memorize the map of the thing you want to look at before you go out there? What do amateur astronomers do?

Today is my brother's sixteenth birthday. Why don't guys get Sweet Sixteen parties? It seems unfair. You could change it and make it Slammin' Sixteen or something. Anyway, it's hard to believe that in a couple of years he'll be an adult. To me he will always be little Kev-Kev. :) My parents are taking him to dinner tonight, but I can't go because of tutoring. Evan and I will go to the house later and have cake with them. Also, in all the birthday and Valentine's excitement, I almost forgot that today is our five-monthiversary. :D

steveisright asked for my thoughts on Robert Jordan and the Wheel of Time books. My general opinion is that you shouldn't start reading them unless you have a lot of time. They're enjoyable, but Jordan has two main flaws. One: too many characters. I know a twelve-book epic requires many people, but there are limits. He spends tons of time describing random barmaids whom you will never see again (except maybe briefly, five books later, after you've forgotten them). Two: unnecessary rambling. He re-summarizes major plot points every two pages. To put this in perspective for the girls: remember in the Baby-Sitters Club, how every book had a long, boring chapter with restated fun facts about each of the Baby-Sitters? Now imagine a book where that's going on constantly. Yeah. Bottom line, the plot is interesting, and you'll pick up a lot of fun catchphrases like "May you always find water and shade." But I'm not sure it's worth the trouble.

Kathy and I had an interesting conversation about therapy the other day. Apparently studies have shown that the healing factor of therapy is that people just need someone to listen to them, without motives or judgment. So people who benefit most from it are people who can't find that support in their own families or social groups. I thought that was really interesting. When you look at it that way, LJ is sort of like self-therapy. :) It wasn't so long ago that I was in a situation like that, so it makes a lot of sense to me. Thankfully things are all-around better now.

Hey, I'm sure you're all wondering what came of my brief flirtation with French Riviera Spa. On Robin's good advice, I decided to check out the YMCA instead. But it's $35/month and there's a $90 joining fee. Sadly, I do not have that kind of money. So I will continue doing aerobics tapes once a week and hoping for the best. :P On a related note, Pilates is now making my stomach bigger. It's solid muscle, but it's definitely not flat and nice. I don't think this is what's supposed to happen. I'm sure you really wanted to know about that.

Hey. I'm back. Here's the account of my Michigan Adventure. ( What? No left turn? )

Hey. Here's some news. My counterpart co-worker/friend has to have surgery tomorrow morning, and she'll be out for four to six weeks. (Please pray for her if you think of it.) So starting tomorrow until whenever, I'm basically going to have a double workload. I don't think it'll be too bad, but I'm not familiar with her specific projects and it might take me a while to get in the loop. So don't be surprised if you don't hear from me as much in the days to come.

Here are some random things I wanted to discuss today. I'll even put them in a list format.

1) Calling
My brother and sister got home from the weeklong Nazarene Youth Conference last night. They had a blast. My brother seems to have grown a lot spiritually, which makes me very happy. :) I think they talked about calling at the conference, because he now feels God is calling him to be a musician. He and his church friends have planned to start a band for a while, and now they're motivated to actually do it. Anyway, this started me thinking about the concept of "calling" in general. Some people believe everyone has a specific calling; others think only certain professions, like preaching, are based on a calling, and the rest of us are free to float around. I'm not sure what I think. God has a plan for each of us, but I don't think I've been called to any specific career. If I was, I'd be doing it. :P What do you guys think? What have you learned about this? Please share. I'm interested.

2) Girl Power
As I read By Design (which is completely awesome), I'm becoming more attuned to women's issues and spirituality. At the bookstore the other night I saw a book about Wicca entitled "Teen Witch" that had a lot of pretty, tough-looking witches on the cover. Over the past few years, being a witch/Slayer/Charlie's Angel/whatever has become a very cool thing in secular society, and I figured out why. Girls gravitate toward that stuff because they want power. And I'll admit, I'd like to be a butt-kicking fighter of evil myself. :) But I think they go to that and not to Christianity because Christianity isn't powerful by the world's definition. Admitting that you're helpless without Christ? Relying completely on Someone else for your security and worth? It's not very cool. I think we need to show girls/women how much power they truly have in Jesus. I guess this ramble doesn't really have an end point, but I wanted to share anyway.

3) Electrical Power
Mine is still out. Day 8. I feel so sorry for the people who didn't have a place with air conditioning to flee to, especially you, Robin. People are getting really angry. I'm thankful that my parents took me in. I miss my apartment, though.

4) Tuesday Is A Bad Day
We had another storm this morning, one week later. It wasn't too severe, but the clouds were black and it looked very scary and familiar. Kathy called me while driving and asked me to check on the weather because the cloud was freaking her out. We're all paranoid now. Unexpected 100-mph winds will do that to you.

The end.

Hey, good news! My brother's eye is much better! He's only seeing a flash or two per day now. I saw him yesterday and he was wearing his glasses and didn't have his eye patch on. He even went out and played golf. I am convinced that it was everyone's prayers that made a difference. So thanks, guys, for praying for him. I am so glad he's okay. :)

This weekend was okay. I watched all of Friends season 2. I read some more Robert Jordan (at a slow rate that's driving MaryElaine nuts because she wants to discuss the books with someone). I got to go to my own church (!) and have lunch afterwards with my friends, a "normal" activity that I haven't gotten to do in two months. The people at my church are so nice. The old college group seems to be re-forming now that there's a Sunday school class, so I'm feeling refreshed by that. I also went to another cookout at Kathy's parents' house and discovered, while weighing myself in their kitchen, that I have apparently gained ten pounds in the last six months. I don't look or feel different, and all my clothes fit the same, so I was pretty unpleasantly surprised. I guess it's time to start cutting corners again. :(

Tonight I am hoping to get my second air conditioner for my room. The cat woke me up at 4 this morning and I couldn't get back to sleep because it was so hot. When I finally did fall asleep, I had a string of bizarre, very scary nightmares. I refuse to have another night like that.

Nina is back from vacation, so my plant-sitting job is over. She mailed me a postcard from Oregon. I just got it today. It was a fun surprise. :)

CALIFORNIA COUNTDOWN : FOUR DAYS

My brother had to go back to the eye doctor today because he was seeing "flashes of light." Something is wrong with his retina and he now has a 60/40 chance (60 being the good side) of losing his sight in that eye. If you guys could say a prayer for him, I would appreciate it more than you know. Thank you.

Sorry I didn't post these earlier. I kept hoping to get more pictures, but it didn't work out.

( Now I need some long gloves )

We had a family catastrophe yesterday. I was on my way to a church cookout when my mother called in a very freaked-out state to tell me that my brother was over at their church and had been hit in the eye with a drumstick and they had called an ambulance, and I needed to come home right now. So I turned the car around and managed to get to the house in ten minutes, praying and freaking out the whole way. I kept thinking about my brother's archery and golfing and all the things he loves, and how hard it would be to do them with one eye. It turned out that he just had a scratch on his eye (not the lid, his actual eye), which is nothing to sneeze at, but at least everything's still intact. He's in some pain, but he's taking it generally well and finds his temporary eye patch very funny. I'm so thankful that it wasn't worse.

The rest of the weekend wasn't much better, really. I spent a lot of time with MaryElaine- we grilled out at her house and watched Stargate SG-1 (hi, dakoda), and hung out at the apartment and watched Star Trek: Nemesis, and had a nice quiet time together. But I was kind of annoyed about other things. I just need to hang on for another two weeks, and then California will clear my head. :)

Oh, I had an LJ dream last night! Jessica and Dania and Lisa, and I think Jonathan, were all at the apartment, and there was another horrible storm with tornado sirens, and I was like "Why does this always happen when people come to visit me?" Then I told Kathy that we couldn't do Pilates in the morning because everyone was sleeping in the living room. And then my alarm went off, and, since no one was actually in my living room, I had to get up. :)

I brought this icon back in honor of the Matrix. I'm going to the 10 pm showing tomorrow night. Woo hoo!

Tonight is my brother's last band concert. He's quitting so he can join the golf team and have more time for hunting activities. I feel kind of sad, since this means the end of band stuff in our family (until my sister and/or I have little band geeks of our own). But I'm proud of my brother. He just made the honor roll and got accepted into Who's Who...this is the same kid who, only a year ago, was failing classes and generally hating school. He's also becoming a lot more focused and driven. A few weeks ago, on a plane on a band trip, he saw a guy who's a VIP on some hunting show. He approached him, had a conversation with him about internships, and got his number! He's fifteen! I would never have thought of doing that at fifteen. He amazes me. Of course, my mom is still convinced that he'll amount to nothing, but the rest of us are behind him. :)

I'm feeling convicted about my lack of joy at work. Lately I've been coming home in a crabby mood almost every day, and it takes me a while to detatch. Friday is the only day that I really feel cheerful. Maybe I just need a break...summer conference is going on this week, marking one year since I last had a real vacation. Also, sometimes I feel sort of trapped. I told Kathy last night that I wished it was a more acceptable thing to have several jobs in the course of your life. I know a lot of people do, but I wish we wouldn't be punished for it in one way or another, like having no vacation your first year and things like that. I don't like cages.

I am glad sominfun is back from Florida! And I want to mention that I really enjoy conversing with dakoda. She's the coolest. :)

I have a lot on my mind today.

My brother's birthday dinner went well. I gave him a copy of Where The Red Fern Grows, because I'm reading it and I thought of him from the very first page. He doesn't read much, but I really think he'll enjoy that book. (My mom was pleased, too. :)) At our table at Shogun, there was a youngish, nice-looking guy eating by himself. He looked lonely. I'm not sure why, but I felt very sad for him. I even feel sad now when I think about it. Because I am weird and have random attacks of compassion for total strangers. :(

My mom told me that the Christian bookstore in the mall was going out of business, so I went there after dinner. Everything was half-off, so I went, um, a little nuts. :) The haul:

Books: When Dreams Come True, Eric and Leslie Ludy; Messy Spirituality, Michael Yaconelli; As Time Goes By, Lori Wick; a new English Standard Version Bible (10 dollars!!!)
CDs: Back Home, Caedmon's Call; furthermore: from the studio/from the stage, Jars of Clay; Myself When I Am Real, Bebo Norman

On the way to Bible study, I put in the Jars CD, and one of the songs really struck me. I'll probably post the lyrics later.

At Bible study we've been studying Glorification. Well, something has happened to make it much more real. A girl from the church, who went to Ole Miss and was on core group of their RUF, was killed last week in a head-on collision. She was engaged, to another member of the church. (This isn't my church, so I don't personally know any of these people, but many people present did.) I wish I could tell the story the way Jean did, as he talked about his conversations with her friends and her fiance, about heaven and how they know she's there. The topic of the talk was "the end of all tears," about how when we get to heaven, God will wipe away all our tears Himself. It was so powerful. I wish all of you could have been there.

After Bible study I went to Evan's for a little while. Then I went home and started to read When Dreams Come True. I was up until 1 am finishing it, because I couldn't stop reading. It gave me a lot to think about. But again, that is for a later post.

I had a great weekend. :) Austin Powers: hilarious in some parts (the first five minutes, the "mole" part, Dr. Evil's Jay-Z impression), not so hilarious in other parts (basically the rest of the movie). Evan and Ryan and I saw tons of people we knew at the theater, so that was fun. I felt bad for my brother, though, since he spent a lot of time sitting there listening to us talk about stuff he doesn't know about. :)

My brother revealed to me that he and his friends are forming a band. I think it's so funny (not in a making-fun-of-them way, but in a good way). He's going to buy Ryan's electric guitar so they can get started. It's hard for me to imagine my little brother as a wannabe rock star, but he's really excited about it. I just hope my parents don't go crazy from the noise. :)

Yesterday was long, but great. After church, lunch, and dashing back to Kathy's to water the plants, I went back to church for the new members class. Matt, Alli, and I are all going through the process together, and we were very glad of each other's company- we were the only single people there, and the youngest by at least 10 years. Everyone had to fill out a vital-stats form upon arrival, and I got kind of annoyed at the married-bias of the form. Most of the spaces were about your spouse and kids and stuff. Then, in the space for phone numbers, they only had two lines: one for "Husband" and one for "Wife." Unbeknownst to each other, Alli and I both crossed these out vehemently and wrote, "Me" in big letters next to one line. :) We said later that we were both thinking, "It's just me! Is that okay?" I know that married people are the majority, and they're trying to support the covenant family and everything, but it grated on me. Like I'm only half a person, without a husband. :P

Anyway, now that we're through the class, there's a dinner we're supposed to go to at the pastor's house in a few weeks. Then we each have to have an interview. Then we can join the church. After that, there's another class we're suggested to go to during Sunday School time, but it lasts 12 weeks, and I am NOT willing to miss my Sunday School for 12 weeks. Especially when we're about to get a new minister (not that anyone knows who yet, but still). Those transition times are crucial.

I'm sure you guys care so much about the mechanics of my church. But that's a big event with me right now, so :P. :)

( The narrative goes on and on... )

And Kathy is coming home! In fact, she may even be home as I type!

Happy, happy, happy. :)