![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I used to carry the weight of the world
Sep. 12th, 2003 01:20 amElizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, colored, doubted, and was silent.
- Pride and Prejudice
Shock and awe. I have a new, quite opposite reason to never, ever forget September 11.
Tonight Evan came over to watch Friends. You know, no big whoop. He was laying on my couch (which is really a loveseat and not very large), I was sitting on the floor next to him so we could talk. At about 8:00 we got bored with Will & Grace and decided to watch Two Towers special features. I went to the kitchen to get a Coke. When I came back he was sitting up straight, obviously leaving room for me. I sat next to him. In the past when this has happened, he's moved at the first opportunity. But it wasn't long before he was sort of...closer all of a sudden. Sort of leaning on me. I was like, Hmm. This is interesting. A few minutes later he started playing with my bracelet and asking about it. And then he was holding my hand.
Okay, pause so you can read that again.
I went completely blank. He was sitting there holding my hand and we were talking about normal things like nothing was going on. We had to get up to fix the DVD tracking. We sat down again. He held my hand again. A short time later, in a very smooth move involving my hair clippie for which I'll have to give him props later, he put his arm around me. And we continued to sit there watching TV and talking like everything was normal. We were like that for over an hour. I have absolutely no idea what we discussed in that entire time. I'm not sure he knows either. My brain was numb. Half of me was screaming, I need to say something! I can't just let him do this! The other half was saying, I don't want to, and anyway he needs to be the one to say something. He started it, he should take responsibility. And all of me was saying, ??!?!?!?!!?
Three years, people. He's been one of my best friends for THREE YEARS. We had a DTR a year and a half ago in which he said he had no romantic feelings for me. Never, ever has he touched me, for any reason, even when I was crying and desperately needed hugs. Over the last month or so he's been behaving pretty suspiciously, but he's done that before. Twenty-four hours ago I had almost zero hope for us, or for ever being with anyone at all. Now this.
Anyway, then Kathy came home, and shortly thereafter (around 10:45) Evan needed to go home. I walked him to the door. As he was leaving he went to give me a hug (!), but (who would have thought?) I stopped him and said, "Do we have something to discuss?" He looked at me very seriously and said, "I think we do," and went to close the door. But I said, "I don't think this is the time, since you're very tired and I'm tired, but we do need to discuss this." (I was feeling totally unstable and not ready to talk about it immediately.) He said, "Okay. I'll call you tomorrow." Then he left and I ran into Kathy's room, shrieking incoherently and scaring her out of her wits until she heard the story. Her eyes got bigger and bigger. It was great.
After I called Jessica, calmed down, and washed my hair, I got online to write this entry. Just in case, I checked my e-mail. He had already written to me. It was a long, sweet, funny, self-deprecating e-mail in which he berated himself for being so forward with me and for not telling me everything straight out. He clearly told me that he likes me in a decidedly non-friendship way. He said he didn't want to tell me that for the first time over e-mail but that he didn't want me to worry and wonder all day at work tomorrow.
Again: pause.
:D :D :D :D
He's going to call me as soon as I get off work tomorrow. So tomorrow night I might be going on my first date in five years. With the guy I have been crazy about for three of those years. I can hardly believe I just typed that and it wasn't a lie. This is all totally out of left field. I'm not used to being this happy. I don't even know what to do with it all. Praise God, obviously. :) Wow. He really is faithful. All those prayers I prayed about this, all the prayers other people have said for me over this...God heard them all. Just when I thought it was completely hopeless. Even if this somehow doesn't work out, He's taught me a major lesson about His providence and faithfulness. Everybody please take a lesson from this. HAVE FAITH. If it can happen for me...it can happen for anyone. ANYONE.
I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight, but I better go try. :D
- Pride and Prejudice
Shock and awe. I have a new, quite opposite reason to never, ever forget September 11.
Tonight Evan came over to watch Friends. You know, no big whoop. He was laying on my couch (which is really a loveseat and not very large), I was sitting on the floor next to him so we could talk. At about 8:00 we got bored with Will & Grace and decided to watch Two Towers special features. I went to the kitchen to get a Coke. When I came back he was sitting up straight, obviously leaving room for me. I sat next to him. In the past when this has happened, he's moved at the first opportunity. But it wasn't long before he was sort of...closer all of a sudden. Sort of leaning on me. I was like, Hmm. This is interesting. A few minutes later he started playing with my bracelet and asking about it. And then he was holding my hand.
Okay, pause so you can read that again.
I went completely blank. He was sitting there holding my hand and we were talking about normal things like nothing was going on. We had to get up to fix the DVD tracking. We sat down again. He held my hand again. A short time later, in a very smooth move involving my hair clippie for which I'll have to give him props later, he put his arm around me. And we continued to sit there watching TV and talking like everything was normal. We were like that for over an hour. I have absolutely no idea what we discussed in that entire time. I'm not sure he knows either. My brain was numb. Half of me was screaming, I need to say something! I can't just let him do this! The other half was saying, I don't want to, and anyway he needs to be the one to say something. He started it, he should take responsibility. And all of me was saying, ??!?!?!?!!?
Three years, people. He's been one of my best friends for THREE YEARS. We had a DTR a year and a half ago in which he said he had no romantic feelings for me. Never, ever has he touched me, for any reason, even when I was crying and desperately needed hugs. Over the last month or so he's been behaving pretty suspiciously, but he's done that before. Twenty-four hours ago I had almost zero hope for us, or for ever being with anyone at all. Now this.
Anyway, then Kathy came home, and shortly thereafter (around 10:45) Evan needed to go home. I walked him to the door. As he was leaving he went to give me a hug (!), but (who would have thought?) I stopped him and said, "Do we have something to discuss?" He looked at me very seriously and said, "I think we do," and went to close the door. But I said, "I don't think this is the time, since you're very tired and I'm tired, but we do need to discuss this." (I was feeling totally unstable and not ready to talk about it immediately.) He said, "Okay. I'll call you tomorrow." Then he left and I ran into Kathy's room, shrieking incoherently and scaring her out of her wits until she heard the story. Her eyes got bigger and bigger. It was great.
After I called Jessica, calmed down, and washed my hair, I got online to write this entry. Just in case, I checked my e-mail. He had already written to me. It was a long, sweet, funny, self-deprecating e-mail in which he berated himself for being so forward with me and for not telling me everything straight out. He clearly told me that he likes me in a decidedly non-friendship way. He said he didn't want to tell me that for the first time over e-mail but that he didn't want me to worry and wonder all day at work tomorrow.
Again: pause.
:D :D :D :D
He's going to call me as soon as I get off work tomorrow. So tomorrow night I might be going on my first date in five years. With the guy I have been crazy about for three of those years. I can hardly believe I just typed that and it wasn't a lie. This is all totally out of left field. I'm not used to being this happy. I don't even know what to do with it all. Praise God, obviously. :) Wow. He really is faithful. All those prayers I prayed about this, all the prayers other people have said for me over this...God heard them all. Just when I thought it was completely hopeless. Even if this somehow doesn't work out, He's taught me a major lesson about His providence and faithfulness. Everybody please take a lesson from this. HAVE FAITH. If it can happen for me...it can happen for anyone. ANYONE.
I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight, but I better go try. :D
I used to carry the weight of the world
Sep. 12th, 2003 01:20 amElizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, colored, doubted, and was silent.
- Pride and Prejudice
Shock and awe. I have a new, quite opposite reason to never, ever forget September 11.
Tonight Evan came over to watch Friends. You know, no big whoop. He was laying on my couch (which is really a loveseat and not very large), I was sitting on the floor next to him so we could talk. At about 8:00 we got bored with Will & Grace and decided to watch Two Towers special features. I went to the kitchen to get a Coke. When I came back he was sitting up straight, obviously leaving room for me. I sat next to him. In the past when this has happened, he's moved at the first opportunity. But it wasn't long before he was sort of...closer all of a sudden. Sort of leaning on me. I was like, Hmm. This is interesting. A few minutes later he started playing with my bracelet and asking about it. And then he was holding my hand.
Okay, pause so you can read that again.
I went completely blank. He was sitting there holding my hand and we were talking about normal things like nothing was going on. We had to get up to fix the DVD tracking. We sat down again. He held my hand again. A short time later, in a very smooth move involving my hair clippie for which I'll have to give him props later, he put his arm around me. And we continued to sit there watching TV and talking like everything was normal. We were like that for over an hour. I have absolutely no idea what we discussed in that entire time. I'm not sure he knows either. My brain was numb. Half of me was screaming, I need to say something! I can't just let him do this! The other half was saying, I don't want to, and anyway he needs to be the one to say something. He started it, he should take responsibility. And all of me was saying, ??!?!?!?!!?
Three years, people. He's been one of my best friends for THREE YEARS. We had a DTR a year and a half ago in which he said he had no romantic feelings for me. Never, ever has he touched me, for any reason, even when I was crying and desperately needed hugs. Over the last month or so he's been behaving pretty suspiciously, but he's done that before. Twenty-four hours ago I had almost zero hope for us, or for ever being with anyone at all. Now this.
Anyway, then Kathy came home, and shortly thereafter (around 10:45) Evan needed to go home. I walked him to the door. As he was leaving he went to give me a hug (!), but (who would have thought?) I stopped him and said, "Do we have something to discuss?" He looked at me very seriously and said, "I think we do," and went to close the door. But I said, "I don't think this is the time, since you're very tired and I'm tired, but we do need to discuss this." (I was feeling totally unstable and not ready to talk about it immediately.) He said, "Okay. I'll call you tomorrow." Then he left and I ran into Kathy's room, shrieking incoherently and scaring her out of her wits until she heard the story. Her eyes got bigger and bigger. It was great.
After I called Jessica, calmed down, and washed my hair, I got online to write this entry. Just in case, I checked my e-mail. He had already written to me. It was a long, sweet, funny, self-deprecating e-mail in which he berated himself for being so forward with me and for not telling me everything straight out. He clearly told me that he likes me in a decidedly non-friendship way. He said he didn't want to tell me that for the first time over e-mail but that he didn't want me to worry and wonder all day at work tomorrow.
Again: pause.
:D :D :D :D
He's going to call me as soon as I get off work tomorrow. So tomorrow night I might be going on my first date in five years. With the guy I have been crazy about for three of those years. I can hardly believe I just typed that and it wasn't a lie. This is all totally out of left field. I'm not used to being this happy. I don't even know what to do with it all. Praise God, obviously. :) Wow. He really is faithful. All those prayers I prayed about this, all the prayers other people have said for me over this...God heard them all. Just when I thought it was completely hopeless. Even if this somehow doesn't work out, He's taught me a major lesson about His providence and faithfulness. Everybody please take a lesson from this. HAVE FAITH. If it can happen for me...it can happen for anyone. ANYONE.
I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight, but I better go try. :D
- Pride and Prejudice
Shock and awe. I have a new, quite opposite reason to never, ever forget September 11.
Tonight Evan came over to watch Friends. You know, no big whoop. He was laying on my couch (which is really a loveseat and not very large), I was sitting on the floor next to him so we could talk. At about 8:00 we got bored with Will & Grace and decided to watch Two Towers special features. I went to the kitchen to get a Coke. When I came back he was sitting up straight, obviously leaving room for me. I sat next to him. In the past when this has happened, he's moved at the first opportunity. But it wasn't long before he was sort of...closer all of a sudden. Sort of leaning on me. I was like, Hmm. This is interesting. A few minutes later he started playing with my bracelet and asking about it. And then he was holding my hand.
Okay, pause so you can read that again.
I went completely blank. He was sitting there holding my hand and we were talking about normal things like nothing was going on. We had to get up to fix the DVD tracking. We sat down again. He held my hand again. A short time later, in a very smooth move involving my hair clippie for which I'll have to give him props later, he put his arm around me. And we continued to sit there watching TV and talking like everything was normal. We were like that for over an hour. I have absolutely no idea what we discussed in that entire time. I'm not sure he knows either. My brain was numb. Half of me was screaming, I need to say something! I can't just let him do this! The other half was saying, I don't want to, and anyway he needs to be the one to say something. He started it, he should take responsibility. And all of me was saying, ??!?!?!?!!?
Three years, people. He's been one of my best friends for THREE YEARS. We had a DTR a year and a half ago in which he said he had no romantic feelings for me. Never, ever has he touched me, for any reason, even when I was crying and desperately needed hugs. Over the last month or so he's been behaving pretty suspiciously, but he's done that before. Twenty-four hours ago I had almost zero hope for us, or for ever being with anyone at all. Now this.
Anyway, then Kathy came home, and shortly thereafter (around 10:45) Evan needed to go home. I walked him to the door. As he was leaving he went to give me a hug (!), but (who would have thought?) I stopped him and said, "Do we have something to discuss?" He looked at me very seriously and said, "I think we do," and went to close the door. But I said, "I don't think this is the time, since you're very tired and I'm tired, but we do need to discuss this." (I was feeling totally unstable and not ready to talk about it immediately.) He said, "Okay. I'll call you tomorrow." Then he left and I ran into Kathy's room, shrieking incoherently and scaring her out of her wits until she heard the story. Her eyes got bigger and bigger. It was great.
After I called Jessica, calmed down, and washed my hair, I got online to write this entry. Just in case, I checked my e-mail. He had already written to me. It was a long, sweet, funny, self-deprecating e-mail in which he berated himself for being so forward with me and for not telling me everything straight out. He clearly told me that he likes me in a decidedly non-friendship way. He said he didn't want to tell me that for the first time over e-mail but that he didn't want me to worry and wonder all day at work tomorrow.
Again: pause.
:D :D :D :D
He's going to call me as soon as I get off work tomorrow. So tomorrow night I might be going on my first date in five years. With the guy I have been crazy about for three of those years. I can hardly believe I just typed that and it wasn't a lie. This is all totally out of left field. I'm not used to being this happy. I don't even know what to do with it all. Praise God, obviously. :) Wow. He really is faithful. All those prayers I prayed about this, all the prayers other people have said for me over this...God heard them all. Just when I thought it was completely hopeless. Even if this somehow doesn't work out, He's taught me a major lesson about His providence and faithfulness. Everybody please take a lesson from this. HAVE FAITH. If it can happen for me...it can happen for anyone. ANYONE.
I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight, but I better go try. :D
