you're shaking my confidence daily
Jan. 14th, 2004 02:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chestnutcurlsOkay, I know I haven't sent out those 2003 CDs yet. I'm sorry. It's taken this long to print them up. I'm probably going to send them in batches so the shipping won't break me. Also, I need addresses. If you know I don't have your address and you asked for a CD, please e-mail me. monalisa816@hotmail.com. Thanks. :)
I have a problem. As I've mentioned, I have been sort of gearing up to write stories again. Or just memoirs...anything, really. I always wanted to be a writer when I was little. I have plenty of chapter stories in my file cabinet, written in pink pen on notebook paper during my seventh-grade science class. I haven't written a story since I took creative writing three years ago, but the desire is still there and I think I might be ready to try again. Unfortunately, I've come to realize that I just have no time. The creative process requires a lot of time. Even if I finish my chores on any given day, I have other things that need attention, like Evan, my still-unfinished webpage redesign, exercise, letters and e-mails, photo editing, and my scrapbooks. I can't afford to spend two hours a night in front of the computer, waiting for something to come to me. This will continue to be the case into the foreseeable future. So I'm thinking I will never get to be a writer, at least until I am a retired grandma who doesn't have to work.
My lack of time is just wearing me down in general. On my employee evaluation this year, my boss's only criticism was that I needed to stop working so robotically. I'm afraid that's true throughout my life because it's the only way I know how to get everything done. Every day, I come to work and spend the whole day putting out fires, one after the other. If I get a spare second, I have e-mails to reply to and bills to pay. After work I go to the store and buy the same necessities I bought last week. I go home and do the same laundry and the same chores I did a few days before. If I finish everything, I curl up on the couch with Evan and watch the same shows we always watch. Then I put on the same old pajamas and go to bed. There's just no time for anything else.
What I want to know is, is this what adulthood is about? This assembly-line existence? Where's the joy and excitement? The new things to tackle each day? I'm not saying my life is totally devoid of these things- I know I'm blessed. And I love my boyfriend. But I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything worthwhile. Writing, the one thing that might actually contribute something to the world, doesn't fit in my schedule. It's no wonder I act like a robot, because I feel like one. I perform a bunch of tasks and then I shut down. The end.
Attention Friends fans: NBC is taking votes for the top six episodes. They're going to air them during February and March. You can vote every day, so bookmark it!
Okay, you're supposed to bold the ones you've been to and italicize the ones you've lived in. Not too shabby:
1) Alabama 2) Alaska 3) Arizona 4) Arkansas 5) California 6) Colorado 7) Connecticut 8) Delaware 9) Florida 10) Georgia 11) Hawaii 12) Idaho 13) Illinois 14) Indiana 15) Iowa 16) Kansas 17) Kentucky 18) Louisiana 19) Maine 20) Maryland 21) Massachusetts 22) Michigan 23) Minnesota 24) Mississippi 25) Missouri 26) Montana 27) Nebraska 28) Nevada 29) New Hampshire 30) New Jersey 31) New Mexico 32) New York 33) North Carolina 34) North Dakota 35) Ohio 36) Oklahoma 37) Oregon 38) Pennsylvania 39) Rhode Island 40) South Carolina 41) South Dakota 42) Tennessee 43) Texas 44) Utah 45) Vermont 46) Virginia 47) Washington 48) West Virginia 49) Wisconsin 50) Wyoming
//10 bands/artists you've been listening a lot to lately:
1.) No Doubt
2.) Evanescence
3.) John Mayer
4.) dc Talk
5.) Chantal Kreviazuk
6.) Train
7.) Ben Folds Five
8.) Red Hot Chili Peppers
9.) Jump Little Children
10.) Sandra McCracken
//09 things you look forward to (in order of when they will occur):
1.) getting a haircut and re-color
2.) Valentine's Day with Evan
3.) Jessica, Dania, and Jonathan's visit
4.) Emily's wedding
5.) Kathy's wedding
6.) going to New Hampshire with Evan
7.) redecorating the apartment
8.) watching the Summer Olympics
9.) my 25th birthday (lower insurance rates! yay!)
//8 things you like to wear:
1.) my long jean skirt
2.) my Hope ring
3.) my Rampage shoes
4.) mascara
5.) a fancy pink bracelet that a family friend made for me
6.) Carmex
7.) my pajama pants with hearts on them
8.) Aveeno lotion
//07 things that annoy you:
1.) people who are condescending
2.) very incorrect weather forecasts
3.) the mayor of Memphis
4.) public school policies (more on this tomorrow)
5.) the new Action News 5 ticker at the bottom of the Today show. I'm sorry, you're a local channel, not CNN. And you're very distracting.
6.) not being able to finish all my work
7.) bad hair days
//06 things you say most days:
1.) Franchise Administration, this is Brenda
2.) I can't eat that
3.) You're such a cute cat!
4.) I love you
5.) Hermana!
6.) I have to clean _____
//05 things you do everyday:
1.) read the Bible
2.) wash dishes
3.) hug Evan
4.) make some reference to Friends
5.) Pilates
//04 people you want to spend more time with:
1.) Kathy
2.) Casey
3.) Myla
4.) my LJ friends (yes, you all count as one person :))
//03 movies you could watch over and over again:
1.) The Princess Bride
2.) The Matrix
3.) Happy Gilmore
//02 of your favourite songs at the moment:
1.) Beyonce - Crazy In Love
2.) Jump Little Children - Quiet (thanks,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rebianaly)
//01 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
1.) God. ;)
I have a problem. As I've mentioned, I have been sort of gearing up to write stories again. Or just memoirs...anything, really. I always wanted to be a writer when I was little. I have plenty of chapter stories in my file cabinet, written in pink pen on notebook paper during my seventh-grade science class. I haven't written a story since I took creative writing three years ago, but the desire is still there and I think I might be ready to try again. Unfortunately, I've come to realize that I just have no time. The creative process requires a lot of time. Even if I finish my chores on any given day, I have other things that need attention, like Evan, my still-unfinished webpage redesign, exercise, letters and e-mails, photo editing, and my scrapbooks. I can't afford to spend two hours a night in front of the computer, waiting for something to come to me. This will continue to be the case into the foreseeable future. So I'm thinking I will never get to be a writer, at least until I am a retired grandma who doesn't have to work.
My lack of time is just wearing me down in general. On my employee evaluation this year, my boss's only criticism was that I needed to stop working so robotically. I'm afraid that's true throughout my life because it's the only way I know how to get everything done. Every day, I come to work and spend the whole day putting out fires, one after the other. If I get a spare second, I have e-mails to reply to and bills to pay. After work I go to the store and buy the same necessities I bought last week. I go home and do the same laundry and the same chores I did a few days before. If I finish everything, I curl up on the couch with Evan and watch the same shows we always watch. Then I put on the same old pajamas and go to bed. There's just no time for anything else.
What I want to know is, is this what adulthood is about? This assembly-line existence? Where's the joy and excitement? The new things to tackle each day? I'm not saying my life is totally devoid of these things- I know I'm blessed. And I love my boyfriend. But I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything worthwhile. Writing, the one thing that might actually contribute something to the world, doesn't fit in my schedule. It's no wonder I act like a robot, because I feel like one. I perform a bunch of tasks and then I shut down. The end.
Attention Friends fans: NBC is taking votes for the top six episodes. They're going to air them during February and March. You can vote every day, so bookmark it!
Okay, you're supposed to bold the ones you've been to and italicize the ones you've lived in. Not too shabby:
1) Alabama 2) Alaska 3) Arizona 4) Arkansas 5) California 6) Colorado 7) Connecticut 8) Delaware 9) Florida 10) Georgia 11) Hawaii 12) Idaho 13) Illinois 14) Indiana 15) Iowa 16) Kansas 17) Kentucky 18) Louisiana 19) Maine 20) Maryland 21) Massachusetts 22) Michigan 23) Minnesota 24) Mississippi 25) Missouri 26) Montana 27) Nebraska 28) Nevada 29) New Hampshire 30) New Jersey 31) New Mexico 32) New York 33) North Carolina 34) North Dakota 35) Ohio 36) Oklahoma 37) Oregon 38) Pennsylvania 39) Rhode Island 40) South Carolina 41) South Dakota 42) Tennessee 43) Texas 44) Utah 45) Vermont 46) Virginia 47) Washington 48) West Virginia 49) Wisconsin 50) Wyoming
//10 bands/artists you've been listening a lot to lately:
1.) No Doubt
2.) Evanescence
3.) John Mayer
4.) dc Talk
5.) Chantal Kreviazuk
6.) Train
7.) Ben Folds Five
8.) Red Hot Chili Peppers
9.) Jump Little Children
10.) Sandra McCracken
//09 things you look forward to (in order of when they will occur):
1.) getting a haircut and re-color
2.) Valentine's Day with Evan
3.) Jessica, Dania, and Jonathan's visit
4.) Emily's wedding
5.) Kathy's wedding
6.) going to New Hampshire with Evan
7.) redecorating the apartment
8.) watching the Summer Olympics
9.) my 25th birthday (lower insurance rates! yay!)
//8 things you like to wear:
1.) my long jean skirt
2.) my Hope ring
3.) my Rampage shoes
4.) mascara
5.) a fancy pink bracelet that a family friend made for me
6.) Carmex
7.) my pajama pants with hearts on them
8.) Aveeno lotion
//07 things that annoy you:
1.) people who are condescending
2.) very incorrect weather forecasts
3.) the mayor of Memphis
4.) public school policies (more on this tomorrow)
5.) the new Action News 5 ticker at the bottom of the Today show. I'm sorry, you're a local channel, not CNN. And you're very distracting.
6.) not being able to finish all my work
7.) bad hair days
//06 things you say most days:
1.) Franchise Administration, this is Brenda
2.) I can't eat that
3.) You're such a cute cat!
4.) I love you
5.) Hermana!
6.) I have to clean _____
//05 things you do everyday:
1.) read the Bible
2.) wash dishes
3.) hug Evan
4.) make some reference to Friends
5.) Pilates
//04 people you want to spend more time with:
1.) Kathy
2.) Casey
3.) Myla
4.) my LJ friends (yes, you all count as one person :))
//03 movies you could watch over and over again:
1.) The Princess Bride
2.) The Matrix
3.) Happy Gilmore
//02 of your favourite songs at the moment:
1.) Beyonce - Crazy In Love
2.) Jump Little Children - Quiet (thanks,
rebianaly)//01 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
1.) God. ;)
