The Beauty and the Mess

Happy birthday to my fun bookish friend seekinghim! I hope you have a great day!

As an easy transition into my non-fiction Lent, I'm reading Two-Part Invention by Madeleine L'Engle. It's the story of her marriage and I'm really enjoying it. (Her writing style reminds me of amea- I'm not sure why.) The first few chapters are about her single life in NYC, and what a great life it was- you'd never have caught her working in a cubicle. She worked in the theatre and lived in a little apartment by herself with her piano, her writing, and her poodle. She wandered around the city and met all sorts of interesting people. I envy that kind of well-roundedness. Mostly I guess I'd like more variety. My job is always the same, my schedule is always the same, my life is always the same. Adulthood. Bleah.

Last night I didn't go to band practice, because a tire fell off of Evan's truck (the Thing) and I went to help him out. The Thing is falling apart at an alarming rate. Evan has procured another truck, a normal, driveable one, for free in exchange for helping with some other car repairs. He's going to take it apart and put a new engine, etc. in it, install new seats, and paint it, so it'll be a nice new truck when he's done. Unfortunately he's having trouble getting it so he can start working. I am praying for things to start moving soon, because I'm worried for his safety. Anyway, I'm more impressed every day with his mechanical skills. He claims he couldn't be an engineer because he hates math, but I think he'd have been wicked awesome.

Tonight I'm taking Yolanda to McDonald's after tutoring. That should be fun. Don't they have new salads there? I'd like to try one, but the combination of salad and McDonald's makes me nervous...seems like it has Failed Health Inspection written all over it.

When will Thursday be over so Friday can come? I can't wait for the weekend. The weather forecast is beautiful, and Evan is off Friday, Saturday, and Sunday! We're going to have a date since we haven't in a while. I want to do something creative, but all I can think of is going to the paint-your-own-ceramics place, and that's pretty expensive. Oh well. :)

Okay, I know I haven't sent out those 2003 CDs yet. I'm sorry. It's taken this long to print them up. I'm probably going to send them in batches so the shipping won't break me. Also, I need addresses. If you know I don't have your address and you asked for a CD, please e-mail me. monalisa816@hotmail.com. Thanks. :)

I have a problem. As I've mentioned, I have been sort of gearing up to write stories again. Or just memoirs...anything, really. I always wanted to be a writer when I was little. I have plenty of chapter stories in my file cabinet, written in pink pen on notebook paper during my seventh-grade science class. I haven't written a story since I took creative writing three years ago, but the desire is still there and I think I might be ready to try again. Unfortunately, I've come to realize that I just have no time. The creative process requires a lot of time. Even if I finish my chores on any given day, I have other things that need attention, like Evan, my still-unfinished webpage redesign, exercise, letters and e-mails, photo editing, and my scrapbooks. I can't afford to spend two hours a night in front of the computer, waiting for something to come to me. This will continue to be the case into the foreseeable future. So I'm thinking I will never get to be a writer, at least until I am a retired grandma who doesn't have to work.

My lack of time is just wearing me down in general. On my employee evaluation this year, my boss's only criticism was that I needed to stop working so robotically. I'm afraid that's true throughout my life because it's the only way I know how to get everything done. Every day, I come to work and spend the whole day putting out fires, one after the other. If I get a spare second, I have e-mails to reply to and bills to pay. After work I go to the store and buy the same necessities I bought last week. I go home and do the same laundry and the same chores I did a few days before. If I finish everything, I curl up on the couch with Evan and watch the same shows we always watch. Then I put on the same old pajamas and go to bed. There's just no time for anything else.

What I want to know is, is this what adulthood is about? This assembly-line existence? Where's the joy and excitement? The new things to tackle each day? I'm not saying my life is totally devoid of these things- I know I'm blessed. And I love my boyfriend. But I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything worthwhile. Writing, the one thing that might actually contribute something to the world, doesn't fit in my schedule. It's no wonder I act like a robot, because I feel like one. I perform a bunch of tasks and then I shut down. The end.

Attention Friends fans: NBC is taking votes for the top six episodes. They're going to air them during February and March. You can vote every day, so bookmark it!

( States and a random thing from Shana )

I'm alive! The storm went further south than anticipated, so nothing happened here except a lot of rain. On the late news, they predicted the severe storms would come through around 6 am. I woke up at 5, checked the TV, saw that everything was fine, and went back to sleep. Unfortunately, it was one of those active-brain sleeps where you have weird dreams and feel like you haven't slept at all. This contributes nicely to my developing cold, which is right on target to get bad as I'm leaving for Texas next week. Yee haw.

Sometimes I feel like a hamster on a hamster wheel. Every day is another to-do list. Everywhere I go- work, home, church- tasks wait for me, and as soon as I do them, new ones pop up in their place. Sometimes they're even the same ones. I can never get ahead. As my life progresses and more people are added to it, it will only get worse. Surely this is not what God intended. :P I thought about taking a sick day today because I felt bad, but I had several non-work errands to run. So I decided to come to work because I couldn't cancel my errands. How sad is that?

Okay, happy things:
- Last night I had fish for dinner! I cooked it on the George Foreman grill, covered in Zatarain's seasoning. It was absolutely amazing.
- We're getting a Kohl's in Collierville. When I saw the sign I immediately thought of ruthieroo. :)
- These are the most beautiful Christmas cards I've ever seen, and if I had money I'd be sending them to all of you. If you know someone who has money, encourage them to get these and share the joy.
- My hair is about to be highlighted red again. :)
- The new Strong Bad e-mail is the funniest one since Trogdor.
- The sun is finally out!