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chestnutcurlsI'm so frustrated with myself right now. In this week alone, I have spent $30 on "impulse buys." Last week I spent $30 on scrapbooking supplies, which was not unnecessary, but maybe I should have gone without. I just went to Target and saw that two pajama tank tops, which I had passed over several times before because of the expense, were on clearance. So I bought them. It was $11 total, and I knew I'd regret it later if I didn't get them, but I feel like a criminal. My pastor's voice saying "We need to cut out impulse spending" was ringing in my ears. The ironic thing is, I have been slightly more conservative in spending on myself, but spending on other people is still in full swing. Even so, I feel guilty that I can't do more for the people I care about. Evan's birthday is coming up and I wish I could shower him with presents, but I can't afford to. People constantly ask me to contribute to this charity or that fundraiser, and I feel bad because I can't help them all. Christmas is coming. Then I'll have two weddings to buy things for. After that, who knows. The only thing that I can afford to cut from my budget is myself. Maybe that's why I feel so sinful for buying two tank tops that were not absolutely necessary.
This week I realized that a lot of my poor decisions would be eliminated if I just changed my mindset. For instance, my habit of allowing myself one Coke every day, or eating some sort of dessert every evening. If I stopped thinking that I was somehow entitled to those things, it wouldn't be so hard to cut back. I've gotten soft. I want to live a holy life that is practical and responsible and honors God. I'm doing a poor job.
Maria mentioned FlyLady the other day. It's a cool system and I want to join, but after reading the daily schedule, I decided there's no way a working woman can do it. I long for the day when I can leave the corporate world and work in my home. I don't want to work in hotel franchising for the rest of my life. There, I said it. More and more of my college friends are starting grad school. In a few years they'll be Masters and Dr.s. I have a B.A. Woo. I feel uneducated. What else is new?
On a positive note, I was really touched this morning while reading my e-mail and friends page. It seems like many people around here are going through rough times right now, but it's so beautiful to me to see everyone supporting and helping one another. I'm blessed to know such Godly women and to get to read about your thoughts and lives each day. (Guys, you're cool too.) I wish I could go on an LJ Tour of the country and meet each of you. Seriously. You're wonderful.
This week I realized that a lot of my poor decisions would be eliminated if I just changed my mindset. For instance, my habit of allowing myself one Coke every day, or eating some sort of dessert every evening. If I stopped thinking that I was somehow entitled to those things, it wouldn't be so hard to cut back. I've gotten soft. I want to live a holy life that is practical and responsible and honors God. I'm doing a poor job.
Maria mentioned FlyLady the other day. It's a cool system and I want to join, but after reading the daily schedule, I decided there's no way a working woman can do it. I long for the day when I can leave the corporate world and work in my home. I don't want to work in hotel franchising for the rest of my life. There, I said it. More and more of my college friends are starting grad school. In a few years they'll be Masters and Dr.s. I have a B.A. Woo. I feel uneducated. What else is new?
On a positive note, I was really touched this morning while reading my e-mail and friends page. It seems like many people around here are going through rough times right now, but it's so beautiful to me to see everyone supporting and helping one another. I'm blessed to know such Godly women and to get to read about your thoughts and lives each day. (Guys, you're cool too.) I wish I could go on an LJ Tour of the country and meet each of you. Seriously. You're wonderful.
