impulses

[chestnutcurls]

I'm so frustrated with myself right now. In this week alone, I have spent $30 on "impulse buys." Last week I spent $30 on scrapbooking supplies, which was not unnecessary, but maybe I should have gone without. I just went to Target and saw that two pajama tank tops, which I had passed over several times before because of the expense, were on clearance. So I bought them. It was $11 total, and I knew I'd regret it later if I didn't get them, but I feel like a criminal. My pastor's voice saying "We need to cut out impulse spending" was ringing in my ears. The ironic thing is, I have been slightly more conservative in spending on myself, but spending on other people is still in full swing. Even so, I feel guilty that I can't do more for the people I care about. Evan's birthday is coming up and I wish I could shower him with presents, but I can't afford to. People constantly ask me to contribute to this charity or that fundraiser, and I feel bad because I can't help them all. Christmas is coming. Then I'll have two weddings to buy things for. After that, who knows. The only thing that I can afford to cut from my budget is myself. Maybe that's why I feel so sinful for buying two tank tops that were not absolutely necessary.

This week I realized that a lot of my poor decisions would be eliminated if I just changed my mindset. For instance, my habit of allowing myself one Coke every day, or eating some sort of dessert every evening. If I stopped thinking that I was somehow entitled to those things, it wouldn't be so hard to cut back. I've gotten soft. I want to live a holy life that is practical and responsible and honors God. I'm doing a poor job.

Maria mentioned FlyLady the other day. It's a cool system and I want to join, but after reading the daily schedule, I decided there's no way a working woman can do it. I long for the day when I can leave the corporate world and work in my home. I don't want to work in hotel franchising for the rest of my life. There, I said it. More and more of my college friends are starting grad school. In a few years they'll be Masters and Dr.s. I have a B.A. Woo. I feel uneducated. What else is new?

On a positive note, I was really touched this morning while reading my e-mail and friends page. It seems like many people around here are going through rough times right now, but it's so beautiful to me to see everyone supporting and helping one another. I'm blessed to know such Godly women and to get to read about your thoughts and lives each day. (Guys, you're cool too.) I wish I could go on an LJ Tour of the country and meet each of you. Seriously. You're wonderful.

Comments

[laura8225.livejournal.com]

You're a sweetie, Brenda. I'm glad to have a sort of LJ support group as well. :)

[tingilya.livejournal.com]

Aww man, you're kicking yourself in the butt about this spending thing. If he's made you feel guilty when you really don't spend THAT much, then maybe it's his problem and not yours? :-(

And I'd much rather work in my home, too. I enjoy housely tasks, and I get ticked when I have to leave and go to school or my job. I've give anything to be a housewife.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Well, he has said repeatedly that if this is producing a lot of guilt in us, that we're missing the point. We're supposed to give out of love, not out of guilt. (Evan likes to poke me when he says that, and say "Are you listening?") But then I feel guilty anyway because I apparently don't love God enough to just give out of love. :P It's a silly cycle.

Thanks for the support. :)

[anulyra.livejournal.com]

I so relate to that. I feel guilty for not giving, and then I feel bad for not giving cheerfully.

The impulse shopping is hard too. This is what I try to do... If I see something I want... I pass it by. If I'm still dwelling on it a few days later, then I go back for it. Most of the time I forget about the item alltogether. I must not have wanted it that bad in the first place. Sometimes less is more.

I find that I could acquire everything my heart desires, and I wouldn't be any happier or conent than I am right now. ::hugs::

[salemgirl.livejournal.com]

I did that today... I went back and bought the Cinnabon flavored chapstick I passed up last week instead of the black dress I passed up on Monday. Haha! $2.25 is less daunting than $29.99... anyway...

[anulyra.livejournal.com]

Cinnabon flavored?! Oy! I hate candles, cleaners and makeup that smell like food, expecially sugary/fatty foods. It makes me what to eat it! :þ

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Actually, I've heard that smelling sugary/fatty foods can actually fulfill your desire to eat them. If you smell them for long enough. :)

[anulyra.livejournal.com]

Maybe I should try it then *sigh* ;)

[salemgirl.livejournal.com]

Haha! It even tastes cinnamonyish... wheee!

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's good advice! I generally do that, too, and you're right, a lot of the time I forget about it.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yikes and LOL. I'm glad you can relate. I hope they're good clothes! :)

[kiwiria.livejournal.com]

Actually there's a special page for women who work - It's called Payroll SHE's or something like that. You may want to check it out - it's on the Table of Contents. But other than that, I agree with you completely! I'm fortunately to have a couple of days off a week - if I had a 9-5+ working day *everyday*, there's no way I'd be able to do all she expects!

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

:)

Thanks for the tip!

speaking of support (S.O.S.)

[nova-wylde.livejournal.com]

I just now e-mailed you and various others about my latest LJ entry. Would you mind checking? Thanks in advance.

[lovelife.livejournal.com]

I have problems w/impulse spending too. I go through huge periods of time of not spending but it seems like once I start spending I can't stop.

As for the FlyLady, I remember seeing that when I was still living w/my parents--I think she has some great lists. And she does say you might not be able to do it all. I'm going to try to switch the list around to meet my needs (since I work too) and see how things go The problem is trying to work, do homework, and this! ;) But I'm finding I let my house turn into a mess during the week to the point where I'd be embarrassed if anyone saw it.

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

Hey, can I come with you on that tour?

Don't be so hard on yourself about the PJ purchase. Being preoccupied with being down on yourself about things seems just as bad as misspending, if you did in fact misspend. Money is just one small part of our life.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Of course! Then it would be twice as fun.

Thanks. I just feel like a real slacker lately. I need to remind myself about that grace thing. :)

[moredetails.livejournal.com]

Yes.. grace.. minor detail. ;)

[lajea.livejournal.com]

Ahhh,.... you're wonderful, too! Don't beat yourself up!!! :)

[by-grace-alone.livejournal.com]

You are wonderful! I love to read your journal. :)

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :)

I'm still very excited for you! :D

[by-grace-alone.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :D I might write some more later..thinking about it. :)

[rawee1.livejournal.com]

I think there must be nuns out there who spend more than $30 a week on impulse buys. Certainly your pastor meant not to be a consumer whore, and not to stop yourself from every little thing that might make you happy. There is a big difference between buying yourself 3 new lipsticks and buying yourself 3 new sets of golf clubs, you know?

If I had a week where I only spent $30 on impulse buys, I'd probably be thinking I was hospitalized and had been carted down to the gift shop. I think you're going a little overboard by saying you don't deserve a coke and a dessert here and there.

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

LOL! Thanks. You're nice. :)

[salemgirl.livejournal.com]

I'm just going to echo what the others have said and just tell you not to beat yourself up! You do what you feel like you should do in regards to giving. Don't feel guilty for giving that much and not a penny more! There are plenty of people in your church who are well off enough to shoulder that burden.

I admire your commitment to doing the right thing, but don't let it get you down. We are attacked at the places in our lives where we feel least secure. *hugs*

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

Yeah...thanks. It's good to know I'm not alone in this. *hugs back*

[mzspearz.livejournal.com]

I wish I could go on an LJ Tour of the country and meet each of you.

Whee! I wanna do that, too :D

Return of Opinionated Lauren

[sominfun.livejournal.com]

I'm going to go slightly against the grain here.

It's ok to splurge once in awhile but even splurges should be planned for in your budget. Discipline is something we grow by making good choices, doing our best to correct bad choices and repenting of the bad choices we can't correct. We all struggle in the area of being good stewards. I don't believe being a good stewart means depriving yourself of things you enjoy and can afford, but I do think that it's a mindset. Am I doing to most with what God has blessed me with?

About the cokes: is it the expense or the not healthy part that you are concerned about? If it's the expense maybe you could consider buying a generic two liter to keep at work, which is much cheaper? Or buying the bottles at the grocery store and bringing them with you to work (if you don't already)? If it's the not healthy part then maybe you could consider doing the same with a diet generic brand? Joe loves his diet coke, and we buy the grocery store brand - a three liter bottle for $.98!

I've been struggling (especially this week) with my extra spending too. We've budgeted $10ish for my weekly discretionary spending, which usually goes to iced coffees and lunch on Fridays. First of all I've gone over this week ($4 so far). Secondly I've been thinking that I shouldn't buy more than one iced coffee a week, and maybe that's too much. Iced coffees from DD are at least $2 each, and I can make them cheaper at home and at work. It's all about doing more with less money.

Those thoughts and attitudes ought to follow us in our work (at work, at home and at school), but nobody is perfect. We all go through highs and lows.

I'm a worrier too. Lately I've been more convicted of that sin than anything else. We shouldn't feel guilty because of God's grace. When we fall off the discipline horse we should dust ourselves off and get back on. Nancy Wilson (Doug's wife) has this Bible study tape series about being a good wife, and she made the excellent point that when we harbor guilt or self-pity that our eyes aren't on God anymore. Try to evaluate your feelings of guilt and put your thoughts in the right places. Make conscious decisions about how you are spending your money and stick to them. Ok, so this is a lot wordier of a comment than I probably should leave. I can relate to your feelings of worry and guilt, but you shouldn't let those rule over you. Be smart about how you live your life and spend your resources, and don't harbor negative thoughts.