The Beauty and the Mess

Bad me: I just went to Target and spent $45, with my check card, because I don't have any more cash. :( The past month or so, I've been breaking envelope-system rules right and left. But I'm trying to stock up on the little things I need, like film and hair clippies, before the wedding. That way we should be okay for a while. Evan finally got a car insurance quote yesterday and it was pretty upsetting. However, this morning the guy called him back, and it turns out they were factoring in accidents the car had had before Evan bought it. Duh! So it should be slightly better, but still more than we were expecting. A lot of it is because of where we live. When I moved to my apartment from my parents' nice suburban house, my insurance bill doubled. (Of course, a year later my parked car was plowed into by a drunk driver, thus proving their point.) But if we lived in the suburbs we'd be paying way more in rent and gas, so it all comes out in the wash. Sigh.

Anyway, Target finally has those twenty-roll gift wrap holders. I've been waiting all year to get one. Tossing the gift wrap into Kathy's old closet isn't going to cut it anymore. :) Yay for organization. The other night, in a teasing attempt to woo me, Evan said, "I want to alphabetize something with you." Swoon!

Last night I dreamed that I went to visit Jen and Jason! Jen was really uncomfortable because of the baby, and we were trying to think of something to eat that would make her feel better. That's all I remember. :)

Tonight is our last premarital counseling session. We will give Robert our marriage license and he'll hold on to it for us. Yay! I may not have mentioned it, but one of my co-workers is also getting married, this Saturday. So it's all about the weddings around here. That reminds me, there's a bridal store in Germantown called All About Weddings. I never went to it, but I thought that was an interesting name for a store.

I've finally reached Anne's House of Dreams. I read the first few chapters last night in the living room while the guys were playing Halo, and almost started crying sappy tears right in the middle of their gunfire.

Has anyone read those Tara vs. Sarah columns on MSNBC? They're hilarious. Like a cross between Entertainment Weekly and the old "Even Stevens" segment from the Daily Show.

This time next week, I'll be off of work and at the church telling them where I want the fake trees to go. :D Woo hoo!

The weather is wonderful today- partly cloudy, cool and breezy. Leaves are starting to appear on the ground. It's like fall is shouting, "Here I am!" I've never been so glad to see it. :)

I forgot to mention that our Sunday school class is starting an abbreviated version of the Crown Financial Series. Evan and I wanted to take it when it was offered to the church in general, but ironically, it cost $55. :P This time it's free. I'm really looking forward to it, since this is the area in which he and I probably need the most work. Last Sunday, as an intro, we talked a little about 401(k)s. I don't have a 401k for several reasons, the main one being that I'm quitting work in several years anyway (God willing). However, I do have a good savings account and save part of every paycheck. I'd always wondered how the heck most people could afford to save and contribute to retirement. Evan pointed out that two-thirds of Americans don't have a savings account. I couldn't believe that was true, but I started asking friends about it, and he seems to be right. I can't imagine not having savings to fall back on in an emergency. Then again, when we're all 75, my friends will be living large on their retirement millions and Evan and I will probably be forced to move back to a little apartment. Oh well. :)

My latest book recommendation is The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. I read the whole thing in two days. It's that good. I was so into it last night that I got way behind in my cleaning.

Monday is typically my cleaning and organizing night, and lately it's become stressful. I'm trying to figure out how my stuff and Evan's stuff will all fit together, but more than that, I want it to all be organized perfectly from the beginning. (Yes, I am Monica Geller.) Of course, this is a ridiculous goal and usually has me in tears by the time Evan comes over from work (around 8:30 pm). Last week he arrived to find me crying because I couldn't find a perfect place for a cassette tape case. He couldn't help but laugh, which was the best thing he could have done because then I laughed too. I think living with him will do me a lot of good. :) At the risk of being wasteful, I think we're going to get rid of a lot of old things once we get new things (like towels and kitchen stuff). There's just no room for all of it, and most of it is pretty decrepit anyway.

Speaking of old stuff, many of my dress shoes have decided to fall apart at the same time. My beautiful black Rampage heels, for which I get compliments every time I wear them, have broken straps. They're only a year old! :( I'll figure out some way to fix them, but in the meantime I can't wear them. Also, my Steve Madden wedge heels are starting to look run-down. What good does it do to buy more expensive shoes? I think a trip to Payless will be in order soon.

I have a good life. :)

I'm so frustrated with myself right now. In this week alone, I have spent $30 on "impulse buys." Last week I spent $30 on scrapbooking supplies, which was not unnecessary, but maybe I should have gone without. I just went to Target and saw that two pajama tank tops, which I had passed over several times before because of the expense, were on clearance. So I bought them. It was $11 total, and I knew I'd regret it later if I didn't get them, but I feel like a criminal. My pastor's voice saying "We need to cut out impulse spending" was ringing in my ears. The ironic thing is, I have been slightly more conservative in spending on myself, but spending on other people is still in full swing. Even so, I feel guilty that I can't do more for the people I care about. Evan's birthday is coming up and I wish I could shower him with presents, but I can't afford to. People constantly ask me to contribute to this charity or that fundraiser, and I feel bad because I can't help them all. Christmas is coming. Then I'll have two weddings to buy things for. After that, who knows. The only thing that I can afford to cut from my budget is myself. Maybe that's why I feel so sinful for buying two tank tops that were not absolutely necessary.

This week I realized that a lot of my poor decisions would be eliminated if I just changed my mindset. For instance, my habit of allowing myself one Coke every day, or eating some sort of dessert every evening. If I stopped thinking that I was somehow entitled to those things, it wouldn't be so hard to cut back. I've gotten soft. I want to live a holy life that is practical and responsible and honors God. I'm doing a poor job.

Maria mentioned FlyLady the other day. It's a cool system and I want to join, but after reading the daily schedule, I decided there's no way a working woman can do it. I long for the day when I can leave the corporate world and work in my home. I don't want to work in hotel franchising for the rest of my life. There, I said it. More and more of my college friends are starting grad school. In a few years they'll be Masters and Dr.s. I have a B.A. Woo. I feel uneducated. What else is new?

On a positive note, I was really touched this morning while reading my e-mail and friends page. It seems like many people around here are going through rough times right now, but it's so beautiful to me to see everyone supporting and helping one another. I'm blessed to know such Godly women and to get to read about your thoughts and lives each day. (Guys, you're cool too.) I wish I could go on an LJ Tour of the country and meet each of you. Seriously. You're wonderful.

Hola. As you might have noticed, I've made some small changes to the friends list. If you were cut, it was either because I felt like we had nothing in common or because I didn't feel like I knew you. Please, please don't take offense. I've just needed to simplify for a while. I have also added some of the friends-list spouses/SOs. Hi, guys. :)

It's Monday, so that means the typical weekend story. Friday night went well. I got off work early, so I was able to pick up our tickets for the Derek Webb concert and then take a nap. Evan came over after work and we went to Garibaldi's Pizza, which we had been craving for a week. Then we met my mom at the concert. It was (I think) the fourth time I'd seen Derek live, and he was better than ever. He spent a lot of time talking about the Church, since it's the theme of his new album, and it was very enriching. My mom enjoyed it, too. I was glad. After the concert I saw Jeremy and Teresa, which came as no surprise since Jeremy was the one who got me into Caedmon's Call in the first place. :)

Saturday was a day of work around the house. I decided to tackle our horribly messy closets instead of going to the homecoming game. I felt like a very bad Tiger fan, but as I listened to the game I was glad I hadn't wasted my time- we lost to UAB. Again. Anyway, four hours and a cart full of Rubbermaid products later, things were mostly organized. Kathy's quilt scraps are now in a nice drawer unit instead of piled haphazardly on the closet floor, and my deceased Shark vacuum cleaner is in a box ready to be given to Goodwill. (It died so prematurely, I can't help but think that someone might be able to fix it.) Again, Evan came over after work, and we went to my parents' house for dinner. My parents were preoccupied with the 40 Days of Purpose kick-off party they were throwing at their church, so we watched them cutting tablecloths and Auburn kicking UT into the ground. :D I spent time with Bun, but he seemed sort of disinterested. I think he misses my sister.

Yesterday was typical Sunday- church, lunch, nap. In the evening I went to my 40 Days of Purpose study. It was okay. Then Evan and I went to school to surprise Kathy, who was still working in the lab at 10 pm on a Sunday. We went back to the apartment and, for once, neither of us was tired, so we sat and talked for hours. It was great. I am so, so blessed to get to date one of my best friends. :)

Kathy and I are cutting back our Pilates to three mornings a week instead of four. Because we've been doing Pilates for so long, I don't think we're really building any new muscle- it's maintenance now, which is why it's become tedious and boring. So we're going to see how it goes with a shorter schedule. We both need more sleep and I need a longer prayer time in the mornings, and plus I think I'll work harder if I'm not doing it as much.

( Random Music Poll )

Wednesday lunch was fun today! Helen came with me, and she and I and Lawson had lunch at the mall. We had a good time. Also, we went to the salon in the mall and I bought some of my hair stuff. The bottle comes in a new extra-large size! That made my day. :) Ah, the simple pleasures forced upon the curly-headed.

Diary of a Monica: My home is clean. Yay! I gave everything a very thorough cleaning last night. I finally ordered a new vacuum earlier this week, specifically for hardwood floors, so hopefully that was the last time I'll have to sweep the whole apartment. It was nice to have everything orderly again and to light my new candle and make everything smell fresh. I even straightened up the clothes in my closet so I can find things more easily. While I did that, I watched Law and Order, and they had Fred Savage as a guest star, playing the criminal! I was like, "Nooo! Not Fred Savage!" The trauma.

Fall and spring seem to be big closet-cleaning seasons for me. I'm almost always getting rid of stuff- with the amount of "eh" items I buy at thrift, the turnover rate in my closet is fairly high. But fall and spring always inspire me to get rid of that shirt I haven't worn since 1998. I don't know what it is.

My throat hurts. I'm tired. I miss my boyfriend.

Two related pieces of good news. Yesterday, after nine months of suffering and harassment, I finally got my tax refund in the mail! So today, I bought my digital camera! It's the same camera that Lawson has, so I know it's good. I am excited! Soon, I too will have visual aids in my entries. :)

Snow is on the way. Also exciting. :)

Common Sense Tip of the Day: When using bleach as a cleaning agent, dilute it with lots of water, instead of filling an entire empty spray bottle with it. Then, do not spray it all over your bathroom with the door closed (to prevent the cat from romping in poisonous fluids). Because you will end up coughing and miserable, with your head stuck out the window, letting a bunch of 35-degree air into the apartment in your attempt to breathe. *music* The More You Know...