chestnutcurls | a piece of the female mind

Here are some thoughts I have been wanting to share for a while.

Every close girl friend I have is in the same situation. We are united in the sisterhood of frustration. (Hey, I’m Jesse Jackson.) Until very recently, I believed I was alone in my bewilderment toward the male race. But the more I talk with my girl friends about it, the clearer it becomes to me.

You see, RUF (and beyond) is full of girls in confusing, long-term relationships with guys. By “relationship” I don’t mean that we are dating them, and that’s precisely our problem. We want to date them. But, despite spending their time with us, flirting with us, caring about us a whole lot, and generally being the alpha males in our lives, they insist that they do not like us that way. Then they run drooling after girls much less suited to them, often whom they barely know. WHY?

I think we all spend a lot of time wondering what’s wrong with us. The only conclusion I, personally, can come to is that he must think I am not pretty. He has paid me every compliment in the world, but never in two years has he said I looked nice. There is nothing sadder than when you are trying to look pretty, and he eyes your friend and compliments her on her skinniness and her toe ring. (Her toe ring! I could have thrown up…) If I think about this for too long, I want to throw a temper tantrum. Why? Because it is not fair. I cannot change my looks. Nor do I need to, because I am not an ugly girl. I have refused to believe that he could be this shallow (or blind). Now I’m beginning to wonder.

But I digress. The point is, we have these great relationships, marred only by the fact that the guys do not want to date us. But we don’t want anyone else. We want our best friend. We want to be Harry and Sally. So we wait, hoping for the day when our guys will realize that what they need is right in front of their faces. In the meantime, we are constantly afraid of other girls, and it is exhausting and sad. And we are starting to feel trapped.

This weekend, I asked myself for the first time: why? Why do we put up with this crap? And I think I have the answer. We would rather endure the crap with someone we love, someone familiar, than go out and find someone new and start the crap all over again. Because it looks like that’s all there is. Isn’t that cheery?

I’m not sure what the Biblical answer for all this is. But I do know that when I manage to forget all this and think only of God (which usually lasts about 10 seconds :P), I feel a lot better. As I should. So: If anyone is starting a Presbyterian convent, sign me up.