The Beauty and the Mess

Today was a momentous day for my journal - I have been added by the famous amandagrace, as well as the friendly glori and schip2mylou, whom I don't know much about but who seems like fun. I'm suspicious. Did someone make a post promoting me or something? :) I feel loved. Anyway, this is the first time today I've even been able to think about posting, so please be patient with me, all. I've had one project after another all day, as well as various frantic phone calls about various wedding things. Thursday seems to be a consistently rough day for me lately. At least I get to end it by going to Bible study, seeing friends, and having a free tasty dinner (tonight, pizza). Our movie series continues. Tonight we're discussing Bruce Almighty. It's cool taking lessons from movie clips, but it's also frustrating because then I want to watch the whole thing.

Stacy came to our weekly lunch today, and it was fun having her there. We missed Helen, though - or, as she's apparently known around our office, "that weird girl who used to work here." :)

I like my new cubicle on the corner of the row, but it can be annoying at the end of the day, when people tend to have really loud, shrieky conversations right outside it. I should get some headphones.

Fall weather has finally arrived. We haven't seen the sun in a week, but at least it's appropriately cool outside. Now I have nothing to wear, and I'm afraid to take my winter clothes out, lest it all be a trick and I need summer clothes again. It might be a good idea to just wait until after the honeymoon, since I'll need those warm-weather clothes for Jamaica anyway. :) In the midst of all this I keep forgetting about the Jamaica thing - like wait, I get to have a vacation when all this is over? Imagine.

Happy birthday, alissamarie! I hope this next year is wonderful for you.

CONGRATULATIONS to my Em, who just passed the bar exam! I'm so proud! :D *cue SNL skit music* She used to be a student...now she's a lawyer...Unfrozen Non-Student Lawyer!

I've realized something really obvious. Have you ever noticed that almost every famous person or group pushing people (especially young people) to vote is liberal? When was the last time you saw a Republican MTV Rock the Vote rally? I thought that was weird until Evan pointed out that it's in liberals' best interest to promote youth voting, because most young people will vote Democrat. Figures. Did anyone see the Daily Show on Wednesday night? One of their "reporters" went to the last debate and kept going back and forth between the camps in the press room, asking each for the truth about who won the debate. When they each assured him that their side had won, he "began to suspect that they might have their own agenda." The segment ended with him standing in the middle of the room screaming, "This is all a lie and a sham!" and collapsing. It was hilarious - and I can kind of relate. It'll be a relief when the election is over.

Bible study was wonderful last night. The topic was hope, one of my favorite spiritual subjects. :) He talked about how everyone needs hope - something to look forward to. Without hope, we'll die. Maybe not physically, but spiritually. To most people, hope is related to uncertainty (like, "I hope I did well on that test"), but as Christians, our hope is certain (Hebrews 11:1). He went on to say that when Jesus went to the cross, we - the Church - were His hope. It was just amazing. I did a search, and it's surprising how much the New Testament has to say about hope. I feel inspired.

Has anyone heard about this? Wow! I can't wait for the new U2 CD. They're incredible.

I'm excited about this weekend. We're getting the apartment in order, like I mentioned, and Saturday night is my lingerie shower that Myla is throwing. It'll just be a few of us since I didn't want everyone I know there...for obvious reasons. :) Myla definitely knows how to throw a party, though, so it's going to be a lot of fun. Yay!

I can't ever remember feeling as happy as I have these past six months or so. You could say I'm just excited about the wedding, but I like to think that getting married is bringing about a change in me that makes me a more optimistic person. That's what true love is supposed to do, right? God gave us marriage to make us holy. And happy.

Time for a Diet Vanilla Coke!

Bible study is tonight and I'm excited. This series is about Christianity and postmodernism, and each study will be inspired by a movie. Last week was Reality Bites, one of my favorites. The header of the outline was one of Ethan Hawke's lines: "There's no point to any of this. It's all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes." Tonight we're going to look at Saving Private Ryan. It's been a long time since I went to an intellectual-type study. I like it. Oh, and the girl who got mad at me for not making her a bridesmaid will be there. I've totally ignored her message, so there could be violence on her part. :P Yet another reason why I'm glad Evan is going with me. Of course, she's so unpredictable that she may have forgotten all about it. Who knows. I wish I could force that girl into counseling.

Something funny and random: A guy who used to be in RUF with us, when in high school, signed people's yearbooks with a verse reference. Since he went to a Christian high school, it was a popular thing to do. Well, when people looked it up, I Samuel 24:3, it read "He came to the sheep pens along the way; a cave was there, and Saul went in to relieve himself." This guy is a youth pastor now, by the way. LOL. Ryan just sent me an e-mail that said "Don't forget I Samuel 24:3," so that's why I thought of it.

Does anyone know how to make your entry icons show up in the Generator style? I've seen it done, I just don't know how to do it.

Hi. Earlier, I was panicking about wedding things, but I talked to my mom and now I feel better. It just gets overwhelming. I'm so thankful for my family. Most of the bridal party is busy, so it's basically me and my family doing everything. Evan hasn't been able to help much, either, since they schedule him to close the store all the time. He can't even go to our dinner/cake tasting on Saturday. :( We're shooting for printing and assembling all the invitations after the tasting, to be sent out next Saturday, but who knows if that'll be possible. As for the flowers, we still haven't decided whether to sign Libby or keep looking. We have decided to save by using (nice) fake flowers for all the decorations, which means that my mom and I will soon be buying and making 123898 fake flower arrangements. Yay.

Sometimes I'm ecstatic about being a bride. Sometimes I want to elope. It fluctuates every half hour or so. Lately I'm really frustrated with myself. I'm so oversensitive and selfish and wedding-absorbed. I'm almost always tired and sore. I don't exercise every day, which I need to be doing since I've apparently gained a few pounds. A lot of the planning is fun, but I anticipate it as work because it's just one more thing to do. When will I learn not to stress out? My faith is like a mustard seed.

Tonight a new Bible study is starting at IPC. It's about Christianity and popular culture. I love those kinds of studies. Which reminds me, I need to tape Joey. Who watched it last week? It was okay. It just seems weird to watch Joey without all the others.

Some days I feel like the worst employee ever. I try to get enthusiastic about my job, but there's only so much interest I can work up. It's even harder when it seems like everything I do goes wrong. For instance, this filing project. I'm re-labeling our 1000+ hotel property files with their correct names (they change a lot), and I'm on Pennsylvania now. It's annoying work, but I've been glad thinking of how smoothly things will run when it's all finished. This morning, I found out that some of the names I was given are incorrect, so now I look like a screw-up. This is just one of many little things that make me despair of ever having a successful career. Yesterday, in the midst of a conference call to discuss legal issues, I thought, Maybe I shouldn't have to work so hard at enjoying and understanding my job. I'd just like it if I could do something well for a change.

Only two more band practices, then Easter, and then I have a break. Even though Jean Larroux isn't teaching it anymore, I think I'll start going back to the Wednesday night Bible study. It seems like forever since I was part of a weekly study. Maybe I'll feel more grounded or something.

Really, I'm not having a bad day. It just sounds like it. Sorry. Some Good Things: Jessica called me last night! I woke up this morning to the cat sleeping on my feet. I finished Ezra, and got more out of its 10 chapters than I did out of the 30something of Ezekiel. I think Galatians is next, but I need to check my list.

Finally...Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I had lunch today with the regular Wednesday lunch crew, plus rawee1! I was glad to meet her! She's extremely nice. She lives just a few blocks from me, so I've found a neighbor! Yay. Also, she and I might start lunching more often since I like having lunch with people. :)

Speaking of neighbors, we still don't have any across the way. The apartment across from us has been vacant since March, and as far as we can see, the workers have done next to nothing to clean it up. Hornets keep making nests on the door frame- people keep coming and getting rid of them, but they're always back a couple of days later. It's creepy.

Last night I went to Tuesday Bible study in its new location downtown. The message was exactly what I needed to hear, and now I have some new things to work on. We went to Friday's afterwards, and I had half a slice of cheesecake and then berated myself. :(

I ordered two new books this morning. I really can't afford them, but I thought they would help my spiritual outlook. Ever since I went to California, I find I have no money. Perplexing.

In a surprise turn of events, my favorite cousin, Tiff, is coming to visit next week with her two sons, whom I've never even seen. The last time I saw her was at her wedding in 1998. When I was little, she came to stay with us every summer and we would spend months riding bikes and playing Barbies. I'm so excited about seeing her. :)

Today is a better day.

Last night was (unintentionally) entertaining. I went to the summer study at the Ugly Mug, and the tone of the evening was different than usual. The speaker was a local youth director whom I'd never heard of. Casey and Alli and I sat together on a couch and whispered a lot. Some outtakes:

Guy, interrupting the music for announcements: That's it. Let's get back to the tuneage!
Casey: Hey. Did you guys know we are now a youth group?

Speaker: Those whom God saves are the elect. And those whom he doesn't save are...the non-elect.
Me, thinking: Boy, am I glad you had those four years in seminary.

Speaker: When I go to this cafe, they know what I want for breakfast. And everyone wants a place like that! (Orating dramatically) A place where everyone knows who you are! Where you belong!
Me: I have a sudden urge to sing the theme from Cheers.
Casey: I'm already singing it in my head!

Ah, Presbyterian follies. I love my friends. I wish I had something else funny or uplifting to say, but I don't. Except:

CALIFORNIA COUNTDOWN : TWO DAYS

I decided to be like Jessica and make an icon of my necklace. I'm not sure it works for me, but I'm experimenting.

The long weekend was busier than I would have liked, but it was good. I spent time with my extended family, went to my sister's graduation, ate too much at Shogun and had a jumpy stomach for the rest of the weekend, re-wrote my resume, went to the Sunset Symphony, bought new athletic shoes (my legs will thank me), rode bikes to the pond with Kathy and Daniel, and finally watched the Buffy finale. We also borrowed the Terminator movies from Kathy's parents, because I have never seen them and I want to see T3. This might be unwise, since the T2 "ride" at Universal Studios freaked me out immensely, but I can't let a sci-fi franchise pass me by. :)

Having had "The Remedy" in my head for the last two weeks, I just bought the Jason Mraz CD. So far, I like it. He's sort of like John Mayer, but more fun and less moody. And, girls, have you seen him? *wipes brow*

I've been thinking, and I guess there's a reason why I seem so shallow and fluffy lately. I am shallow and fluffy lately. I'm not having a "crisis of faith" or feeling Far from God or anything; I just don't feel like thinking about serious things. In my Bible time, I've been in I Chronicles for what seems like forever, and we all know that's not the most adrenaline-rush book...I probably ought to do some additional reading to get my brain working, but I don't even feel like doing that. I know if I was going to Bible study again, my thirst for wisdom would return, but on my own I just feel...blah. I also know I'm not supposed to depend on man to make me excited about God's Word. Maybe next week, when I don't have any more family things to keep me from my own church, I will feel more grounded.

By the way, I applied for the job this morning. My boss seems to be taking it okay, but she's sad. I guess that means I'm a better worker than I thought.

I know I'm so behind on all of your journals. Sorry. It doesn't help that LJ is being uncooperative.

It's Administrative Professionals Day! I had no idea, so I was very surprised when I came in this morning and found presents on my desk. Both of my bosses got me a special candle. Isn't that funny? One is a Bath & Body pear candle in a jar, and one is a Yankee blueberry muffin candle in a glass bowl with blue dots. Both of them smell amazing. I am so happy, since I love candles but hardly ever buy them for myself. Anyway, then we went to lunch at a new Italian place and I had a veggie pizza. I had to miss Wednesday Lunch, though. (Sorry, guys.)

I miss my Wednesday Bible study. I'm not sure what I'm going to do once it starts back. I have a few weeks off from band right now, but then we're going to start meeting again, and I'll have a conflict. I really feel the loss of my mid-week Bible study. I guess I could go to my church's Thursday night singles study, but it just pales in comparison to the Wednesday one. And all my favorite shows come on Thursday night.

Speaking of which, guess who missed American Idol for the second week in a row? As I was getting in my car after Debra's concert, I realized I had forgotten to set the VCR. :( The concert was good, though. My sister's band career is now officially over. I was bawling after my last concert, but she's glad to be leaving. Her senior T-shirt has a MasterCard picture on the back and it says, "Class ring: $100. Graduation announcements: $100. Never coming back: Priceless."

I want to go for a walk tonight, but I have tutoring and it'll be dark by the time I get home. So much for my nice free week with time for walks. :P

A thought from my Bible study.

I think about heaven every day. I sometimes feel weary of the suffering and problems and sin of this world, and I look forward to being with Jesus, in a place where I won't sin or sorrow anymore, where all that is upside down will be made right side up (as Jean put it). :) But have you ever thought about the fact that all will be made right not only for us, but also for Jesus? Revelation 5 shows all the angels and elders and saints, and all that is in the earth and under the earth, worshiping Him. The last time all of creation gathered around Christ, it was to crucify Him: the most upside-down the world has ever been. But when the day comes, all of creation will worship Him instead, and what was wrong for Jesus will be righted. Wow.

Casey is bonkers over this book, Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. She's getting it for me for my birthday. She says it will change my life. Have any of you read it?

Don't forget to vote today! I've been trying to get information about our local candidates, but none of them have taken an official stand on anything, except education and the income tax. Yes, important issues for our state, but I need to know where these people stand on moral issues. Also, the protection of Shelby Farms, which to me is practically a moral issue. :)

Evan finally found a job. He is now a FedEx hub employee. :) I am so glad- I was getting worried about him. And plus, we figured out that between the two of us, we can have a free trip. (Me with the free hotels, and him with the free flying. :))

Do you think September 11th will be made a holiday? I think maybe it should be (and not just because I'd get a day off from work). Especially this year. It seems disrespectful to me to go about normal business on the first anniversary. Plus, there are so many ceremonies and news coverages planned, and it seems strange to have all that if no one can go to/watch them. I don't know. What do you think?